Shalom, Dena

'Member Me...?

2012-01-19T23:46:00.001-08:00

When three people tell you that they visited your blog, in one day ... well, it may be time to revisit the notion of blogging again ...

Meanwhile ...

I quit my former job.
I moved back to the town where my children live.
I am in a magical and gorgeous Victorian house-turned-apartment.
I am experiencing the restoration of relationships.
I continue to be in a stage of cocooning ... transformation, nurturing, self-care, exploring who I am...
I am a "kept" woman ... kept by the Universe ... provided-for in wondrous ways.
Going to return to doing all manner of art, starting next month ... including inspiring children to discover their own inner-creativity.

It has been an intensely difficult and wonderful year ... more highs and lows than the stock market or a roller coaster. It's all been valid and required.

I wrote this last night ... it poured out of my heart:

For all those moments when my resistant mind screams, "yeah, but!" ..
For all those moments when my life feels hopelessly stuck in a rut ...
For all those moments when the wave of pain can double me over ...
For all those moments when it seems that life is all but over ...
For all those moments when despair rips open the scars of my heart ...
For all those moments when the child in me trembles or screams out ...
For all those moments when I feel so isolated and alone ...
For all those moments when I cry outloud "please let me just go home ..."
For all those moments when abject fear can collapse me to my knees ...
For all those moments when all I can manage to pray is "... oh god, please ...!" ...
For all those moments when I cry out, "no, no no, not again..!"
For all those moments when I long for confusion & suffering to end ...
For all those moments when I simply cannot take one thing more ...
For all those moments when I want to run & blindly flee out the door ...
For all those moments when I feel I simply have nothing left to give ...
For all those moments when I just can't find within me the will to live ...
For all those moments of sobbing out my heart into the floor ...
For all those moments of anguish - mind and heart seeming to be at war ...
For all those moments of wondering what the hell has become of my life?
For all those moments of longing for joy, but only finding strife ...
For all those moments of questioning my courage and sanity ...
For all those moments of begging Presence to clobber me with clarity ...
For all those moments of nagging Spirit, "I just need another sign!"
For all those moments I'd give anything, to escape the boundaries of time ...
For all those moments of crying and snotting into my zebra rug ...
For all those moments when my whole being just longs and aches for a hug ...
For all those moments when memories simply just can't be enough ...
For all those moments when I discover "I'm making it - wow, I can be tough!" ...
For all those moments when I long to just be held while I fall apart ...
For all those moments when the best I can do is to keep on playing the part...
For all those moments I've dared to look deep, and not cringe at what I might find...
For all those moments when I am aware this wild journey is SO worth the ride ...
For all those moment I look in my eyes, and I see there both Shadow and Light ...
For all those moments I hold my heart, and feel there both Love and Fright ...
For all those moments when vulnerable-rawness enables me to grow ...
For all those moments when the mystery itself becomes enough to know ...

♥ I THANK YOU. ♥
Life goes on ... the miracles keep coming ... they way keeps unfolding.

So be it.

~Dena

Ponder-Fodder: Might As Well ...!

2011-10-19T00:01:00.000-07:00

Melikes:

"The Natural Freedom of the Mind"

Since the One Mind -- pure from the beginningless beginning
and with no need to grasp things other than itself --
has nothing to do with an intermediary or with a fixed plan,
the individual mind might as well be happy.

Since awareness has no objective relationship of any kind,
no specific direction or focus,
the individual might as well love everyone.

Since vision and commitment to vision
have nothing to do with complacency or fear,
the individual might as well be joyous.

Since action and goals have nothing to do with success or failure,
hope and anxiety,
and it doesn't matter whether they are won or lost,
the individual might as well feel content.

Since everything is an illusion --
with some more perfect than others --
with no relationship to good or bad, being or not-being,
one might as well laugh from beginning to end.

— Longchenpa, 1308-1363, Tibetan scholar, maste of the Nyingma tradition

My Half-Way Through Life Birthday Wish for ME..!

2011-10-18T00:01:00.000-07:00

I found myself writing this on Facebook last night:

It's official: I have NO clue what I "believe" anymore.
And I notice two things about that ...
I do not care.
I actually feel better - nearly giddy with relief - about not caring ...!

And, thus far, it's still true for today. ;)

It's been a long and winding road, out of religion ... through the morass of spirituality ... and into ... Life.

I mean, I don't know what else to call this ... I'm alive, I'm here, I'm having this experience ... so yeah, it's Life. It doesn't seem to care what I call it ... it just seems determined to be experienced.

I'm done. Done with externally-impositioned-or-invented mindsets (& just think about THAT word for a minute!) that tell me how/what/when/why to act, think, feel, believe, or BE...!

It strikes me as uberly-absurd to think that something outside of me could even possibly define me, or make me feel "ok", or dictate my life in any sort of way...!

This has been building up in me for a while now, but I'm coming out - I am just feeling so TIRED of the "search" ... wanting OUT. It's as if we searchers "take on" a spiritual perspective, and then we adhere to it, and try to live up to it, and it's just another externaly-imposed religion! ARGH!

Yeah, wanna just LIVE ... enJOY life fully .. and my "morality" is part of me ... it's about love, loving self, loving others ... it's who I AM ... don't need anyone/anything outside of me telling me how to do it ...

I'm tired of trying, and trying harder, and pretending to "get/have" something that I just want to "get/have", or think I'm supposed to "get/have" (as IF something is MISSING!) ... I feel like the kid who said, "The emperor has no clothes on!"

C'mon ... it's time to admit the dude is naked.

When I was a Christian, I was surrounded by folks who said they "had a personal relationship" with Jesus ... and that they "felt the Holy Spirit" ... and these folks would fall down like cord wood when someone put annoying oil - I mean, anointing oil - on their foreheads. How often was I the last-woman-standing ... feeling torn between a perverse sense of pride for not falling, and a horrible sense of deprivation that I hadn't fallen ...?

When I was searching for enlightenment, it was the same ... I have been surrounded by folks who claim to have a relationship with their Higher Self ... that they feel this person inside ... guiding them, leading them. These folks would chant, and hum, and rub crystals... how often was I the last-woman-sitting-cross-legged ... feeling torn between pretending I was being transported, and a horrible sense of deprivation that I hadn't been enlightened ..?

Now, I'm not saying that I didn't "get something" out of much of that ... not saying it wasn't valuable, not saying it wasn't valid/required ... I'm saying ... I'm tired.

I'm saying I'm tired of feeling like I'm "out" and they're "in" ... that they've "got something" and I'm "lacking something" ... I'm tired of chasing after something I'm not even sure is real ...

I *exhausted* myself, trying to FEEL Jesus, trying to FEEL my Higher Self ... crying out ... begging ... reading endless books ... praying/meditating my heart out ... trying to surrender enough, let go enough, denounce enough, release enough, confess enough, positive-affirm enough, think enough, unthink enough, be good enough, lose self enough, find self enough ... ENOUGH...!

I'm saying I don't know what I know, what I think, or what I believe.

I do have my experience ... I have had a wide array of uncanny, attention-getting, sit-up-and-take-notice, surreal, beyond-coincidental experiences ... things I can't explain, can't label, can't describe ... some I can't share.

But I am SO tired, of trying to "get it right" ... trying to adhere to some particular religion, or perspective, or formula, or book, or teaching, or group, or mindset, or expectation ...

I'm so tired of the message that there is a part of me to accept (Higher Self) and a part of me to reject (ego) ...

... there's just me.

I am all that.

I am a walking contradiction, a complex and confused full-throttle human ... I am up and down ... high and low ... quiet and loud ... hot and cold ... happy and sad ... accepting and resisting ... bitter and sweet ... mean and kind ... jubilant and despairing ... shadow and light.

I am all that.

Here's what I know ... from observation and experience:

I am alive. I am here, now. I am real.

I am apparently meant to live this life ...

I am to enJOY this life ... how could I MISS that obviousness?!?

Look around, look in, look up, look down - I see beauty all around me ... full-living-colored, myriadly-textured, awe-inspiring, senses-ravaging BEAUTY all around me!

I am covered, head-to-toe, with exquisitely~operational nerve endings that beg for stimulation ~ from warmth, to a tickle, to a caress, to a crescendo of passion ..!

I have taste buds, and olfactory nerves, and ear drums, and eyes that SEE ... all absorbing endless input!

I have a body that moves ... that can climb mountains, dance to rhythms that compel me, paint the images in my mind, and embrace those I love.

I have emotions that feel the FULL panoply of expression ... and they arise without being bidden.

I am here to LIVE, to enJOY, to participate in this sensory-playground of experience ... not to imitate the experience of any other - not to "get something right".

If this experience takes me deep into uncharted territory, whether the frontier's horizon be ahead of me, or within me - so be it.

If it takes me into the opportunity to splash and play in utter simplicity of the golden moment at hand, so be it.

So, I'm changing the spelling of believe ... for me, it's now spelled "Be/Live".

So be it.

Ummmm ... Remember me...?

2011-10-16T15:31:00.001-07:00

HOW many blogs, I wonder ... begin, every so often, with the phrase, "it's been a long time since I blogged" ...?

Well, here's another one of those.

I cannnot begin to fill in the uber-changing details of my life here ... but, suffice it to say that I have experienced great bliss, and intense pain, and more change than I thought I could endure, in a rather short expanse of time.

I am here.
I am breathing.
I am living.
I am learning.
I am experiencing.
I am surviving.
And I take it on faith that I am thriving ... even when it would appear/feel/seem otherwise.

And ... I have missed blogging. So, for today, I am blogging.

We'll see what happens tomorrow.

A friend showed up on Facebook, and shared one of her poems with me ... it was one of those "wow" moments, for it fit with something I saw, in my mind's eye, years ago ... read on:

Oh Divine Weaver,
I would not
have expected
You to use
the threads
of pain and
suffering in order
to weave a tapestry fit
to be your
covering.

You work so
silently in
the stillness.
I can never
quite catch
you at the
loom.

But I look
at this Heart
and
I Know,
I Know,
this is the
work of
your skillful
hands.

Who could
weave so
skillfully,
so compassionately,
so tenderly
as to not
tangle those
rare, and delicate
threads?

I only have eyes
to see the
underlayer -
quite messy it appears,
but I trust
that a work
of magnificent
beauty
is in the
making.

~Joan Burtner

Years ago, while in the very beginnings of this undoingness ... I remember having a "vision/image" of being on the underside of a huge tapestry ... it was being woven, above me, and I was watching. I knew it was about my life ... the problem, from my perspective, is that from "down here" it looked like a MESS! Tangles, and snarls, and knots galore ... and I could NOT, not even while squinting, make out the pattern ... it made NO sense to me. But then I knew, intuitively, that from the other side, from the "higher" vantage point, it was a work of art ... a very intentional, beautiful, even breath-taking tapestry, that was my life. Today, after not connecting with Joan for some months ... she showed up, and shared this poem ... and I am reminded ... and I am grateful. At least for this moment, I can rest in that gratitude.

Thank you.

Exquisite Agony ...

2011-03-26T00:01:00.000-07:00

Isn't it uncanny, how pain and love are so inter-related ...?

It's as if when the pain reaches its crescendo in me ... when I no longer resist it, but allow it to have full expression ... when I do not judge it, but accept it ... I am flooded with love and even gratitude for the experience.

I am SO grateful to no longer be a numbed-out woman, "safely" egg-shelling my way through life, but that I am living full-throttle, and risking ALL ...

I will never-ever regret having loved with all I am ... for giving all I had to give ... for baring everything I have ... and the unbridled JOY of having done so ...!

Even now, even while in pain ... I would do it all over again.

I am finding that joy is not "happiness" (which comes and goes) ... but that joy is the fullness of ALL emotions ...

Joy is the state of being fully human, fully ALIVE...!

Through my tears (of which I am not ashamed!), I say YES to life!

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

What-Iffing (One of My Favorite Sports ...)

2011-03-25T14:11:00.000-07:00

What if *everything* that happens "to" me really DOES work together for my good?

What if there really IS a good/prosperous plan for my life, to give me JOY?!?

What if I really CAN be thankful in ALL circumstances?

What if everything that I experience/feel IS both required and valid?

What if everyone really IS doing the best they can, based on what they believe (& how they were imprinted/conditioned)..?

What if ALL of us are ONLY trying to find unconditional love (in a painfully conditional realm)?

What if ALL actions (even attacks) are really cries for unconditional love?!?

What if I could forgive myself, and all others, for all the misguided things we think/say/do in our desperate longing for unconditional love...?

What if I am being led, all the time, not by a "god out there, somewhere, who wants me to get it right," but by the very Presence that IS me (& everything/one), and is using even (& especially!) my pain/grief/shame/anger/confusion to enable my inherent-wholeness to be my experienced-reality ...?

What if the "secret" to experiencing unconditional love is to first give it to MYSELF, by unconditionally feeling whatEVER emotion comes up, without judgment, without trying to "fix" it...?

What if unconditional love is not something to "go get" ... but something to give and receive ...?

What if I can trust, not in my mental-story, but in that which is navigating me through whatever I experience? What if all is well, and I am ok...?

What if everything has a good purpose, no matter what I *think* about it?

What if my suffering is not due to what is *happening* to me ... but in how I RESIST what is happening to me...?

What if life is not about "how to feel better" but "how to get better at feeling"...?

What if ...?!?

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

I will love ...

2011-03-21T20:30:00.000-07:00

Though I hurt
I will love
...And I will love
With all my being
All my heart
All my spirit
And all my soul
Though my heart
Is breaking
I will love
With each and every
Shattered piece
Though my soul
Is torn to shreds
I will love
With each
Tattered and torn
Thread
I will love
Until I die
I will love
For eternity
Whether anyone wants
Me to or not
It is what
And who I am
And my mission
On this crazy earth
So like it or not
I will love...

Michele Langlo

You Have Found Your Tribe ~ Welcome HOME

2011-03-20T00:01:00.000-07:00

"You have found your tribe. Welcome HOME."

I've come to the place where I am way too weary to continue to apologize for who and how I am ... and what I've done ... and how I've coped ... and where I've been ... and where I am ... and where I'm going ...

I just AM.

And I trust it all ...

Even while grieving ...

TRUSTing.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Spiritual Divorce ...

2011-02-11T11:53:00.000-08:00

Sigh ... yeah, I know ... I was on a roll, and then I stopped blogging.

Can anyone say: "Transitional Upheaval"...?!?

That would best describe my life right now ... and so I've got to share what's helping me right now ... rather than going on with where I was 3 weeks ago. For those who want more about Bill Ferguson, and his teachings, I recommend his website. You can sign up for a free e-course there, as well. Well worth it.

Meanwhile, many other things are speaking to me ... including the following books:

~ The Shadow Effect, by Debbie Ford

~ Journey, by Brandon Bays

~ Spiritual Divorce, also by Debbie Ford

It's the last one I wanted to share from today ... for me ... yes, I need to do this for me.

It opens with this quote, by Socrates:

A life unexamined is not worth living.

Smiling through my tears ... yeah, I believe that. Even while this examination has caused me to question my sanity ...

Whether I didn't sign up for the "quick/easy/simple" life ... or whether I'm just so stinkin' complicated that it takes all this pain to UNdo me, I dunno. But I'm smack-dab in the middle of seemingly-unrelenting pain ... and there's no way to go but through.

I tried going "back" ... it just ain't an option ... crap.

Something must be working though, I mean, I must be learning SOMEthing from past experiences, because despite this pain being rather hugely, I am unable to shake the awareness of JOY down deep ... and the urging to "trust, just trust".

So far, while I can certainly get eclipsed by the pain, and paralyzed by the fear ... I can't kill the joy. It keeps popping up.

And so I say, "Thank you."

And ... "please help...!"

Going on with this book ... I'm going to just quote some passages that jumped out at me this morning, now underlined in my favorite purple ink. And, it's not just marriages that this applies to ... it can speak to any significant relationship, particularly intimate ones:

(these first few quotes come from the forward, by Neale Donald Walsh - yeah, the "Conversations with God" dude)

~ "Separation does not exist in the universe. It is impossible to end a relationship. It is only possible to change it. It is not a question of whether we are going to have the relationship, but of what kind of relationship we are going to have."

~ "Few things are as devastating as the dissolution of a marriage. Yet, the dissolution that we mourn is a figment of our imagination. Once we understand this, we are on the road to recovery."

~ "It is possible to be apart, but it is impossible to not be a part."

~ "This book is about being whole, just when we thought we had been broken apart. It is about experiencing that, just when we think it is falling apart, our life may actually be falling together for the first time."

~ "When we hurt, we cannot see and we cannot sing and we cannot dance life's joyous dance. This book is about healing the biggest hurt that life can inflict: the ending of a dream, the loss of a love."

~ "It is the self, of course, that we imagine we have lost in a divorce (or loss of relationship). Every idea of the self is trampled on. That we are loving and that we are lovable. That we are nice to be with, and someone whom no one would ever want to leave. That we make good choices and are wonderful judges of people. That we can trust our heart. And that our love, given to the fullest, will always win the day."

[That last part made me cry ... ]

~ "We have never lost, and can never lose, what we imagine ourselves to have lost: the wonder of Who We Really Are."

~ "An end never really exists in a relationship -- but an end to the pain of one can."

(the following quotes come from the first chapter, by Debbie Ford)

~ "I felt as if I was caught in the middle of the second act of a bad play. The third act was about to begin, and the outcome could go either way... I was torn between two worlds, and neither one held the promise of happiness ... As I faced my shattered reality, my emotions changed as often as the weather outside. One moment I was calm and hopeful; the next I was depressed and withdrawn ... Why is this happening? Why can't I stop it? And why am I reliving my worst nightmare?"

[I can SO relate to that ...! And, I find hope in the fact that she moved ON from that ... and is now thriving ... and even wrote about it!]

~ "Somehow I knew that if I didn't find and heal the parts of myself that had kept me from having a loving, nurturing relationship, I would be doomed to living a life without a loving partner. It was an opportunity to observe, question and transform beliefs and behaviors that no longer served me."

~ "Life presents us with many opportunitiess to awaken to our divine nature, the highest expression of ourselves. some people call these opportunities spiritual wake-up calls. Most of the time they appear during times of great distress. Divorce is one of these times."

~ Pain is a great motivator that breaks down the walls that keep old behaviors/beliefs intact. Pain guides us toward thoughts and ideas that we otherwise might push away, and it forces us to seek answers from places we've never looked before. Pain opens our minds to ideas that hold the key to new insights, understanding, and freedom. Emotional turmoil can be a powerful catalyst to reconnect us with our divine nature. It propels us into a journey of self-discovery and urges us to learn how to love and accept our entire being. It has been said that you will learn more in ten days of agony than in ten years of contentment."

[Ohhhhhhhh, yeah! Man, WHAT did I sign up for?!? Next time around, I'm getting in the stupid-happy line!]

~ "It might just be that learning to love the totality of ourselves - the 'good' and the 'not-so-good' -- is the most difficult task to which we're ever assigned."

[Y'think?!?]

~ "Often [when we don't face our shadows] we become depressed or angry and have inner dialogues like 'I can't trust anyone,' 'life sucks', or ' I'll never let anyone do that to me again.' All of our negative feelings and painful messages are stuffed within our consciousness. Left unexamined, we turn these toxic emotions and negative beliefs back on ourselves. Neglecting our inner wounds results in failed relationships, addictions, obsessions, depressions, chronic illness, and a negative view of ourselves, others, and the world."

~ "It's imperative that we use the time to heal. Healing is the primary path returning us to a place where we see the perfection of our humanity. It is this awareness that gives us the opportunity to return to the deepest connection available to anyone -- our connection with our Divine Creator."

NO idea what I'll blog tomorrow, as I'm currently juggling 3 (or is it 4?) books. And it may not be helpful to ANYone else ... but I gotta do what I gotta do ... I WILL get through this...!

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Find the Hurt

2011-01-24T00:42:00.000-08:00

The first step in the healing process is to discover, as specifically as possible, what the hurt is. Ultimately, this hurt, or core issue, will be some form of feeling "not ok."

It's not the truth that you are this way. It's just an old, suppressed, childhood emotion. It's the avoidance of this emotion that sabotages your life.

To find this hurt, look for the words of "not ok" that are the most uncomfortable. Are you worthless, not good enough, not worth loving, or a failure? The more painful the words, the closer you are to your core hurt.

Then, go back in time ... put yourself IN the hurt that you experienced as a child ... Ask yourself .. "what incredibly painful thing did you believe about yourself, as a result of what happened to you then?"

Every time we are upset, it's because a core issue has been triggered...

We can discover these core issues by making a list of all our fears ... and find the hurt we'd have to feel if the fear came to pass in reality.

We can ask, "what do I need to be happy?" Happiness only comes from within, so if we think we NEED something to be happy, this need comes from avoiding a specific hurt.

Another way to discover the inner hurt is to look at what I'm driven towards. In reality, I'm only driven from something ... and I am drawn to something.

If I feel as if I'm driven to something, I can know that there's a hurt I'm avoiding ...

Next: The Illusion of Judgment

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

Releasing Emotion

2011-01-23T00:21:00.000-08:00

There are two sorts of pain that we avoid:

~ Current situational emotions

~ Suppressed hurt from the past

And ... the former can trigger the latter ... so that the pain of our past fuels our current situation ... making the proverbial "mountain out of a molehill".

The basic suppressed hurt, from early childhood, is the feeling of "not being ok". And the key to healing is to get that hurt OUT.

Life will conspire to orchestrate situations and relationships that will intentionally trigger the old pain ... for the purpose of getting it to the surface, into our awareness, in order to be *released*...!

When I resist my pain, when I lash out and blame the situation/person who triggers me, I insure that the pain will remain hidden in me ... continuing to cause me damage, unawares. Then my life will be diminished, and my relationships will be sabotaged.

When I am willing to feel my pain, to dive headlong into it, then I can bring it to the surface, and expose it ... I can look closely at it ... I can look for what I came to believe about myself, as a result of that painful situation ... and I can discover if that belief is totally true about me, or not ...

Next: Healing Core Issues

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Healing Core Issues

2011-01-22T00:01:00.000-08:00

The hurt that we avoid is the childhood hurt of feeling worthless, not worth loving, not good enough, or some other form of feeling "not ok".

...Fortunately, this is a hurt that can be healed. You can take away much of its power and you can heal a major part of it very quickly. You can heal it quickly because the hurt isn't based on fact; it's based on thoughts.

It is impossible for you to be either worthless, or worthy. These are only thoughts, and opinions ... they aren't facts. They only exist in the mind. Worthiness and worthlessness don't exist ... and we spend our entire lives trying to escape something that doesn't even exist.

Although judgment does not exist in realty, it's very real in *our* reality. In the realm of thoughts, we are both worthy and worthless, good enough and not good enough, lovable and unlovable. We are everything.

One moment we'll feel one way, and in the next moment, we'll feel another way. These are all aspects of being human. They are in each of us.

Instead of fighting these aspects of you, make peace with them. Own them and embrace them.

Get to the place where you can say, "Yes. I am totally worthless. So what? I am also totally worthy. These are both aspects of me." When this happens, the issue loses power and disappears.

Next: Find the Hurt

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Letting Go

2011-01-21T00:07:00.000-08:00

Ultimately, resisting is the only thing that keeps life from working. When you let go of the resisting, you remove the tunnel vision. You can see what you need to do, and life starts working again.

The moment you let go, everything seems to change. With the fear and upset gone, you become creative and able to discover solutions you cold never have seen before.

Fear is created by resisting a future event. The more you resist the future event, the bigger your fear. The bigger your fear,the more you feel threatened. The more you feel threatened, the more you act destructively, and the more your fear comes true.

If I want to have my fear lose its power, I need to do the opposite of what creates the fear ... instead of resisting ... I need to become willing for the future even to *happen*.

That doesn't mean I WANT the feared future event to happen ... or that I will passively allow it to happen. It's a state of *mind* ... it's an inner willingness to play it out in my mind, to internally witness the feared-outcome ... and to tell myself, "I will be ok anyway -- even if that happens."

In my heart/mind, I become wiling for my fear to come true ... even as I do what I need to in my actions to keep it from happening.

For this to work, I then say, "I am willing to lose my job," or "I am willing to lose that relationship," or "I am willing to lose my reputation," ... or whatever it is that I'm most afraid of losing.

I find peace when I let go of my *demands* that life should be a certain way ... I can surrender to how life unfolds ... I can ride the ride, ride the current downstream, and trust that everything will turn out ok ... in THAT state of acceptance, I can see clearly to take the actions that cooperate with the life I want to live.

It's about trusting that NO MATTER WHAT, I will be ok.

Ultimately, trust is a choice. I create trust, by declaring, to myself, that "I will be ok no matter what happens ... I trust, and will be ok, because I say so."

I notice that things have been tough in the past ... and I notice that I have always been ok. I am here today, typing this out, because I have survived everything so far, despite my fears at the time, that I would not.

Tough times come and go -- it's part of life. But they go more quickly, when I don't resist ... when I go with the flow, and trust.

When I am willing to lose everything, I cannot be threatened. Wow -- powerful!

When I am wiling to let go, what I do have becomes infinitely precious to me ... I appreciate the people and things in my life all the more. I become incredibly grateful for what I DO have ... which makes it more likely that the people I appreciate stay around ...

Also ... I need to become willing to feel my pain ... when I'm no longer trying to avoid my pain, it disappears more quickly ...

Next: Releasing Emotion

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

We Fight the Truth

2011-01-20T00:02:00.000-08:00

Wehn you fight the truth of the way your situation is, you destroy your effectiveness and make your situaiton worse. You do this in five very destructive ways:

1. You get upset and lose your ability to see clearly.

2. You destroy love and create opposition.

3. You magnify whatever you are resisting.

4. You put yourself "at the effect" and lose your power.

5. You lose your ability to see the truth.

If I resist the truth of my situation, and thus cannot SEE the truth, it's akin to trying to open a door that I can't even see is locked.

But once I surrender to the truth of my situation, I can SEE it clearly. I may not *like* what I see, but at least I can see it ... and I can then see what to do about it.

Next: Letting Go

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

Accepting 100% Responsibility

2011-01-19T00:01:00.000-08:00

Once you discover your role in a particular problem, you can turn your situation around.

When you can't see your role in the problem, or when you blame someone else or some circumstance for your situation, you put yourself "at the effect." You lose your power and you stay stuck.

I grew up hearing that relationships were 50/50 propositions ... that each one was 50% responsible for the relationship.

I don't believe that anymore ... for that creates a victim status ... if I need you to do your 50% share, and you don't ... then I'm suck with a mediocre relationship. I see that relationships are 100/100 .. EACH person is 100% responsible for either the presence of love, or the absence of love.

Whenever I blame YOU, I give you all my power. If I believe that you have 100% responsibility, I'm putting myself at 0% responsibility, and therefore I have no power.

In order to get my power back, I need to stop blaming, and find MY role in the problem at hand.

Here's how Bill Ferguson puts it:

If you are in a cycle of conflict, notice that you have been fighting the truth of the way that person is. Notice that you did not make sure that the other person felt loved, accepted and appreciated. Notice that you have been judgmental, critical and perhaps controlling, or hanging on.

Notice that the other person got hurt, put up his or her walls of protection, and gave it right back to you. Then you got more upset and became more critical of the other person. Then the other person got more upset at you.

And so goes the cycle of conflict...

When we blame another ... we take the focus off of ourselves ...

Why? because I don't WANT to see that I am the problem ... I don't WANT to see that I believe that I'm worthless, not worth loving, a failure, or whatever core issue that I'm hiding from myself and others.

Now ... it's not true that I'm that way ... such core issues are false. It's just a suppressed hurt that FEELS true ... it's a hurt that I will do ANYthing to avoid facing and feeling ... even if I have to lash out at you, and blame you. I will even sabotage a precious relationship, if it means I get to protect myself from feeling pain ...

Life only works, and relationships only work, when I take responsibility for myself, and for the results. If I have an area of my life that's not working -- then *I* have to do something with it.

I am either resisting the truth about my situation, or else I'm resisting how my situation *may* become ... and when I resist, when I am unwilling, I create a state of fear, upset, and tunnel vision that takes away my power, makes the problem bigger, and keeps me from seeing and implementing solutions ...

ANY are of your life that isn't working is an area where you are resisting. Let go of the resisting, and this area of life will start clearing up.

Next: We Fight the Truth

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

How We Create and Destroy Love

2011-01-18T00:01:00.000-08:00

Here's a shocker: Love is never enough to make a relationship work.

Yeah, I know, the Beatles sang, "All You Need is Love" ... and honestly, I BELIEVE that ... however, for a relationship to work, both people need to FEEL loved. It's the *experience* of love that makes a relationship work.

When I experience love, I feel happy ... I feel alive. I feel vibrant, joyous, appreciated, accepted, grounded, centered ... and yet able to fly.

And THIS is the happiness we seek ... this experience of love.

How is it created? By giving acceptance and appreciation -- each one to the other.

Interestingly, when I feel accepted and appreciated, I am inspired to, in fact you just can't stop me from, showering that one with acceptance and appreciation in return.

And this becomes a beautifully reciprocal, and perpetually-continuing, relationship. We can create a glorious cycle of loving, supporting and empowering each other. This brings out our best attributes, and the happiness overflows into every aspect of our lives. It's as if we're wearing "love-colored glasses."

Just about every romantic relationship STARTS this way ... but few STAY that way. Why? Because it's an inevitability that, sooner or later, someone's past-hurt gets triggered ... if not both of them.

And when this occurs, we feel threatened. Almost immediately, the walls of protection go up, withdrawal sets in, and attacks are launched ...

If it isn't resolved with deep responsibility, judgment sets in ... we become critical and unaccepting. And this unacceptance destroys the experience of love. Like the always-shining sun, love remains ... but it can be severely blocked by the cloud of unacceptance.

Then the cycle of love is replaced with the cycle of conflict ... it's as if those love-colored glasses are replaced with doom-colored glasses ...

Notice that we're dealing with the SAME two people ... only the perspective is altered. One is love, and the other is fear.

By resisting the way someone is, you destroy the experience of love. You then create opposition and resistance against yourself. To end the cycle of conflict, or to make sure it never starts, stop the resisting.

The cycle of conflict is like a tennis volley. It takes two people to keep the volley going, but only one to end it. As soon as someone refuses to return the serve, the volley is over.

To end the cycle of conflict, stop fueling the fire. Accept the person the way he or she is. This is the key to having any relationship work.

Fortunately, acceptance is nothing more than surrendering to the truth, The people in your life are exactly the way that they are whether you like it or not.

When you are at peace with the truth of the way someone is, you have peace of mind and can see your situation clearly.

Whether you resist the way someone is or you resist a specific are of your life, the result is always the same. You magnify the problem and make your life more difficult.

Next: Accepting 100% Responsibiility

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

The Hurt That Sabotages Our Lives

2011-01-17T00:01:00.000-08:00

We come into this world totally innocent ... pure Love embodied in human flesh ... and we were happy, alive, free. But the world we enter is not conducive to nurturing this primal and foundational state ... in fact, this world is populated with humans who have lost their awareness of their true innocent/free identity ... and the prevailing culture is one that seeks to suppress our true nature.

As a result ... we get hurt. Badly. And often.

Even with "ideal" parenting, none of us gets the unconditional love, and full acceptance, that each of us needs to thrive ...

When we were small children, particularly in the first 6-7 years, before we developed critical thinking skills, we accepted whatever happened to us, whatever we were told, as "truth". And when painful things happened, we blamed ourselves. Smack-dab in the midst of a painful moment, we "owned" the responsibility for that pain ... we internalized the belief that "if this bad thing happened to me, it must mean that I am no good ... worthless ... unloved ... unlovable ... not-okay."

Of course it wasn't true ... but it sure FELT true. And, even if we manage to suppress and "forget" those painful memories, we will still operate out of the "truth" that we are worthless, unloved, not-okay.

This becomes our core belief, carried in our foundational make-up ... in our "hearts" ... and they will prevent us from receiving/believing the affirmations we hear in our minds ... our core beliefs will negate and dismiss anything that doesn't align with the "truth" that we falsely believe.

Once we have these core issues, rooted in pain, we will do ANYthing to AVOID this pain. In fact, we will work overtime to compensate for this pain ... if I believe that I am stupid, I may overachieve for the rest of my life, trying to prove, to myself and others, that I'm not stupid ... that I'm smart. But I will never believe it, and nothing I do will be enough ... I'll just remain on the treadmill of endless over achievement, exhausting myself in an effort to be "smart enough".

What are the areas of your life that don't work? Where do you suffer?

Any relationship and any area of your life that doesn't work is an area where a specific suppressed hurt from the past, or core issue, is being triggered.

In an automatic, unconscious attempt to avoid this hurt, you create a state of fear, upset and tunnel vision. You lose your ability to see clearly and you act in a way that literally creates more hurt.

Next: How We Create and Destroy Love

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

The Nature of Upsets...

2011-01-16T00:01:00.000-08:00

At any moment, your life is exactly the way that it is. The people in your life are the way that they are, you are the way that you are, and the circumstances of your life are the way that they are.

Everything may change tomorrow, but at any moment, your life is exactly the way that it is. Look in your life and see how true this is. Notice how totally irrelevant your feelings are about this.

When you are at peace with the truth of the way your situation is, you have peace of mind. You see your situation clearly and can see what needs to be done. Solutions appear and you become very effective.

When you fight and resist the truth of the way things are, you make everything worse. You create a state of fear, upset and tunnel vision. You lose your ability to see clearly and you interact in a way that magnifies the problem.

Upsets may seem to be caused by what happens, but they're not. Upsets are caused by fighting and resisting what happens.

It's all internal. But only everything. We THINK we are victims of our life, but that's an illusion. And knowing that WE are the source of our struggles is one of the critical keys to getting our power back.

The outside events are really just catalysts that trigger us, cluing us in to things we've suppressed ... ancient pains and false beliefs that are operating unawares, running our lives from the inside out. The outside "trigger" is really a blessing in disguise ... sent to set us free. However, when it happens, if we are believing that we're being attacked from the outside, we perceive the "triggerer" as a threat to our survival ... for we do NOT want to face the suppressed belief we're hiding inside. And so we will resist that triggerer, and blame them for attacking us ... we withdraw into a protective tunnel vision, out of which we will lash out, and thereby ensure that we will remain in that self-created pain.

This tunnel vision sabotages our lives in the following ways:

~ It keeps us from being aware of the many solutions. We can only see within that tunnel, which is filled with negativity.

~ It leads us to fight and resist the perceived threat ... which enlarges the problem.

ANY area of our life that isn't working is an area where this tunnel vision is in operation.

If we can surrender to the truth of what IS in our life, fear, upset and tunnel vision would evaporate. We could then see the entire situation clearly, and would know what to do. We would restore our effectiveness, and this particular area of life would become "workable."

The basic problem, the root of all of this, is unresolved hurts in our lives ... usually in early childhood. We protect ourselves, and others, from seeing this hurt, and from hurting us further ... and we will go all out in this self-protection ... to include sabotaging relationships. Every area of our life that doesn't work, can be traced to an unresolved hurt.

Finding and healing this hurt is one of the most important things you can ever do.

Next: The Hurt that Sabotages Our Lives

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

The Happiness that We Seek

2011-01-14T21:58:00.000-08:00

Chapter 2 of "Get Your Power Back"

This chapter opens with these words:

Ultimately, the happiness that we seek is something called "the experience of love." When you are in this state, you automatically interact in a way that has life work.

To see this in your life, look at what happens when you feel loved and appreciated. You are happy, alive and free. You feel good about yourself and good about your life. Yo are confident and creative. You see life clearly and are very effective.

When we feel that way, isn't life wonderful? Can you remember when you last felt that way? When you felt loved, supported, accepted, and appreciated? Let yourself feel that for a moment ... just sit in it. Notice how the world around you seems to shine, how it seems "all is well" ... notice how your thoughts, words and actions feel infused with joy. Are you smiling? :)

Tune in and notice where the feeling is coming from ... is it "outside" of you, or "inside"...? Yeah, the experience of love is an inner state.

Ok, so what's the opposite of that experience? Fear and upset? Think of a time when you felt fear and upset. Painful, isn't it? Do you feel a tightness, a protectiveness, and do you sense yourself withdrawing from life ... shutting down? Can you feel how the world around you narrows, and how your perspective turns into "tunnel vision"? Notice how this experience tends to color the entire world, so that your thinking, speaking, and your actions become negative.

Notice how this state, this fear and upset, are also located within you.

We think that it's outer circumstances that dictate our emotional state, but it's really our inner perspective that does so.

What's interesting is that which ever energy we're radiating, whether love, or fear (i.e., positive or negative), life gives us that same energy right back. We actually create "more of the same" that we're focused on. When we're radiating the negativity from within, opposition and resistance comes at us ... negative things happen all around us.

These are states of *mind*.

And our state of mind is not determined by what happens to us ... it's determined by how we *relate* to whatever happens.

As long as we believe that happiness and upsets come from outside of us, we will go through life trying to force our circumstances to be a certain way... the more we try to force people and life to be a certain way, the more we create the exact opposite of what we want... instead of creating the happiness that we seek, we create more fear and upset. We destroy the experience of love. WE sabotage our lives and keep our dreams from coming true.

To understand this better, let's look at the "law of resistance."

One of the most powerful ways that we sabotage our lives is by resisting. When we resist, we magnify and give power to whatever we are resisting.

Or, as is stated in "Conversations with God (Book One)", "what we resist, persists."

Here's an example:

Let's look at fears. A fear is created by resisting a future event [or being unwilling to face/allow a future event]. If I have a fear of losing someone, I am resisting the future event called losing a person. The more I resist losing the person, the bigger my fear. The bigger my fear, the more I feel threatened, and the more I hang on. The more I hang on, the more I push the person away, which brings me my fear.

Notice that whatever you fear and resist keeps showing up in your life. By resisting, you create the very circumstances that you are avoiding.

Ohhhhhhh yeah..!

It may sound overly simplistic, but if I look at any area of my life that doesn't "work" -- I will find an area of my life where I am resisting (or being unwilling). If I look at any area of my life that *does* work, that's where I find myself flowing with whatever happens.

I love what Abraham-Hicks says about this ... they use an analogy of a flowing stream. Most of us have been taught to paddle furiously upstream, thinking that there is some reward "up there" for all of our frenzied efforts -- that we must achieve, and earn. But, in reality, the current is so strong that we "stay in place" and only exhaust ourselves. Sometimes the current is strong enough to actually take us downstream, but we are "facing backwards", paddling in a direction that "gets us nowhere", and we don't even enjoy the journey itself.

Instead, we are invited to let GO of the oars, allow the boat to turn around, and to just ride it downstream, encountering and enjoying each life-event/aspect that we experience ... trusting that we are being carried in the most benevolent way possible, and enJOYing the journey more than fixating on the "destination" ...

For the River of Life is eternal ... and NOW is all we have ...

Just for today, I am letting go of the oars of resistance, of unwillingness, and I am choosing to trust the river ... to trust the Source of Life ... and to allow myself to enjoy the journey, here and now ...

Next: The Nature of Upsets (i.e. facing reality)...

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

We Create Our Lives

2011-01-13T00:01:00.000-08:00

Chapter 1 of "Get Your Power Back" ...

Now, certainly we've all heard this adage before ... that we are co-creators of our lives ... living in that divine dichotomy-dance between causing/reaping what we live.

We have a perspective about life in general ... and we react to live in a manner that's consistent with that perspective ... and what we expect, we get. Life reflects back our own perceptions.

We all have areas in our lives that work ... and areas in which we struggle, and even suffer. The struggle may come and go ... but doesn't it seem that the same issues keep coming up, over and over? Consider the possibility that this happens because we create the struggles (& that would be the GOOD news, not a reason to self-condemn ... if we create a thing, we can re-create a thing!).

So, regarding the struggles, the temptation is to think that the problem is with the circumstances -- but this is an illusion. AS long as we project the issue "out there" we never look at what's going on within us, and never take responsibility, and never resolve it. It's a subtle way of ensuring that we remain "stuck"...

I like what Bill Ferguson says here: "When you change how you relate to life, you change what gets reflected back."

Let's look at the "law of cause and effect"...

"At any moment, you are totally 100% at the effect of the world around you. No matter what happens around you, you will react accordingly. At the same time, the world around you is totally 100% at the effect of you. Whatever you do, or don't do, the world around you will react to you. This makes you the cause. You are totally at the effect of everything around you. You are also the cause."

Pausing to let that sink in ...

Now, consider this:

"Although you are both, you only experience yourself as being one or the other. HOW you experience yourself at any moment determines both the quality of your life and what happens in it.

When you experience yourself as being 'at the effect' you are the victim of your circumstances and you have no power. Your confidence quickly drops. You close down, become negative, and lose your ability to take effective action. Every time you are upset, and every time you are faced with an area of your life that isn't working, you are 'at the effect.'

Now find a time when you were 'at the effect' of something and for some reason, you decided that you had had enough. You reached your limit and decided to take action. You then took steps to turn your situation around.

Notice how you felt when this happened. Instantly, you got your power back. You felt good about yourself and about life. You became confident, creative and full of energy."

Tomorrow ... "The Happiness that We Seek" ...

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

"Get Your Power Back"

2011-01-12T00:01:00.000-08:00

As is my penchant ... I'm wanting to blog on a book I'm currently devouring: "Get Your Power Back: Find and Remove the Underlying Conditions That Destroy Love and Sabotage Your Life" by Bill Ferguson ... founder of "Mastery of Life". He's been featured on Oprah, and recommended by The Wall Street Journal.

His simple, practical, and powerful tools for life-transformation are impacting my life ... and in order to dig it in deeper-yet, I'm going to blog through this book ... for me, but perchance for someone else as well. Yeah, true selfishness always pays off (go read my previous Osho blogs for insight into that one!).

Let's start with an excerpt from his introduction:

If you have a relationship or any other area of life that isn't working, there will always be an underlying condition of resisting or hanging on that is creating the problem.

This condition creates a state of fear, upset and tunnel vision. It takes away your power and destroys your ability to see clearly. It keeps you from finding solutions and forces you to act in a way that makes your situation worse.

In relationships, this condition destroys the experience of love and creates conflict. Individuals get hurt and put up their walls of protection. They fight, resist, hang on and withdraw. Instead of creating a relationship that is loving and supportive, they create one that is full of suffering.

Until this underlying condition is found and removed, you will be forced to act in the same way, which will produce the same result. Fortunately, the process of finding and removing this underlying condition is relatively easy. You just need to know how. Learn more about this condition.

It is possible to have love in every relationship and in every area of life. You do this by growing in your awareness and healing inside. The next step is to learn some powerful tools and take specific action.

The first part of this book shows how we create our lives, particularly the areas of life that don't work. Once you discover why your life is the way that it is, you become more able to determine how your life will be.

The second part of the book is about finding and actually removing the specific underlying conditions that sabotage your life. AS you do this, the problem areas of your life begin to clear up.

Instead of creating a life of fear and upset, you create a life of love and opportunity. You restore the happiness and freedom you once had. You become far more effective and much more able to have your dreams come true.

I've heard it said in SO many venues, "what we resist, persists." And it's just so very true. It's counter-intuitive, counter-reactionary. When we dislike an aspect of our life, a condition we're facing, our knee-jerk reaction is to pull away, back off, *resist* ... but in doing so, we actually create more of the same that we're resisting ...

Which ... brings on the fear that causes "tunnel vision" ... and in that state, fear is all we can see. We feel paralyzed, confused, unable to think clearly, unable to see the myriad of choices we actually have.

The real problem is that we have core issues ... false beliefs that FEEL "true" to us ... unquestioned assumptions and beliefs that we swallowed whole during our "pre-critical" early childhood state ... usually prior to the age of 6 or 7. IOW: "conditioning." The very inner-explanations that enabled a small child to navigate life, are the self-limiting restrictions that cause us to sabotage our own life and relationships, as an adult.

This is like a whole 'nother way of learning to relate -- to ourselves, and to others.

Come with me on this journey ... into the final frontier of our very Core. We have nothing to lose but limitations ... and EVERYthing to gain..!

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

New Blog: Divine Mother Messages

2011-01-11T00:01:00.000-08:00

I have the honor of knowing the author of this blog, and the conduit of the daily messages ... Mary Hammond.

It would not be a stretch to say that she was instrumental in saving my life ... and enabling me in the discovery of my Soul's Purpose.

I encourage you to read, and subscribe to, this blog: http://divinemothermessages.blogspot.com/

The messages are timely, critical, and inspiring ... enJOY!!

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

Meanwhile ...

2011-01-10T18:35:00.000-08:00

Y'know it's time to blog again, when you get 3 "why-aren't-you-blogging-anymore"'s in one week ..!

I can take a hint!

But first, an update ...

Since I tend to live my life outloud, I'll just continue ... it's official. As of January 7th, 2011, my 24 year marriage is over. Our soul-contract has expired, and we are both moving forward in our lives. I continue to experience an avalanche of emotions ... including mourning over the loss of a chapter of our lives ... sadness for the pain we have both endured ... sobriety over the disillusionment of one who once thought I'd *never* be divorced ... gratitude that the father of my children (Mark) and I can finally become friends, and can work together in ways we never could manage before. We are two good-hearted and well-intentioned humans who simply were not compatible ... and we both did the VERY best we could, based on where we were, every step of the way.

The marriage did not fail, so much as it did everything it was meant to accomplish ... and I am trusting, with everything in me, that my children will not only survive, but thrive. That they will know they are loved ... that they will learn that they can choose what is best for their own lives...

I have no regrets for what we've experienced in the past quarter-century, even as I regret choices we've both made out of pain and fear ... I celebrate the arrival of 8 magnificent human beings (our children) ... I am grateful that he kept me alive for the years when I was self-destructive ... and I rejoice for the incredible healings that we inspired in one another. I fully embrace the next chapter of my life ... I welcome whatEVER is to come, both short-term, and long-term ... I trust that Love continues to win ... I let go of the oars, and I ride downstream ... I embrace what IS, and what is to come...!

The adventure continues ... as I learn, for the first time in my entire life, to take care of myself, and to navigate this journey, autonomously.

Stay tuned...!

Shalom & Namaste,
Dena

2010-11-20T11:58:00.000-08:00

This SO speaks to me ...!

I'm enjoying the miracle, AND trusting what's unfolding ...!

So, so, SOOOOO much joy!

SOOO much gratitude for ALL that it took!

SOOO much appreciation for ALL that I have!

SOOO much anticipatio for ALL that is coming!

YesyesyesyesyesyesyesYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Lovely Girl,

Look around at what exists in your life right now, beautiful friend. Look at the events that had to be orchestrated to get you to exactly where you are, doing exactly what you are doing, with exactly who you are with, learning exactly what you are learning and experiencing exactly what you are experiencing.

Look at all of this and know that it was meant just for you. If it feels like you are in a place that you would rather not be at this time, just know that you are in the middle....on the way from here to there....and that you will get through it...that it will last exactly as long as it's supposed to last and teach you exactly what you are meant to learn. And later, you will see how this time was one of your very greatest teachers.

If you are in a place that feels miraculous and wonderful...full of beauty and peace...be sure to marvel in it. Breathe it in, know that everything brought you to now...and that there's always a reason that will take your breath away.

Everything matters. Every decision matters, every experience matters, every relationship matters, every interaction matters, every lesson matters. Each piece creates a whole that is the life you are living in this moment.

What a miracle.

Have a beautiful weekend.
xoxo

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Re-Evaluate ...

2010-11-17T20:30:00.000-08:00

Dear Important Girl/Guy,

We often don't realize it...but sometimes we find ourselves giving all of our best energy to the very things that we don't want. We do this in lots of ways...by obsessing about things because we wish we could overcome them...by not forgiving things that have hurt us...by continuing to do things that we know are not right for us because of guilt or shame or expectations....or even fear. Sometimes we have just done the same thing for so long, that it has become a habit, and even though we don't want to give any more of our time or our life to it, we just keep doing it anyway. Sometimes we feel trapped, like there is not a better way, like our choices are gone. We always always always have the ability to choose.

There are lots of reasons that we waste minutes and hours of our precious day doing things that STEAL OUR TIME FROM THE THINGS THAT WE WANT THE MOST...from the places where we are truly needed...the places where we will find the most happiness...the places where we belong.

And that is how we must view it, sweet friend.....each minute we spend lending ourselves, our time or talents or energy or thoughts to something that we really want nothing to do with is time that is stolen from the things that really do matter to us. Each minute spent with the parts of our life that we want to be free from is a minute that we are not at peace....a minute that is spent feeling miserable instead of joyful.

PPlease evaluate your time, lovely. Evaluate where you are giving your very best self. Evaluate what it would will take to get back on track. It is worth the work, it is worth the scary steps that it may take to get there. You gotta be in charge of this....no one can do this for you.

You are so important...and you have such important things to do.
You are strong, capable and it is time.
xoxo

Shalom, Dena

The Choice of Change

2010-11-16T22:44:00.000-08:00

So, so very timely...!

Dear Lovely Girl (and Magnificent Man) ~

It is going to be ok. Take a deep breath and then another, and just know that everything is going to be just fine.

That big thing you are fearing is so much bigger in your imagination than it is in real life...and it is all going to work out. You know from experience that not everything is easy, or comes easy....but that you have always made it through everything that has come along. You will make it through this too.

Please don't be afraid of change, dear friend, change has to happen for things to grow...for things to get better.....for things to become what they are meant to become. Change is good. Change is uncomfortable and scary and sometimes seems unnecessary....but change MUST happen for things to progress.

You have a choice in this moment and in the next....and the next and the next and the next. So, if it's too hard to choose peace in this moment....know that you have the choice to choose it in the next. You get as many chances as you need to choose to feel peace......and, you can do this. You can feel peace even inside of uncertainty.

Just be still, and listen very closely.

It really is going to be ok....and there really is a plan.

You are very very loved.

xoxo

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Keep Dreaming ...

2010-11-11T22:58:00.000-08:00

Y'know, I actually believe this ...! :)

Dear Fantastic Girl,

Someone's got to dream the big dreams...or the big stuff won't happen.....someone's got to fix the stuff that's wrong, or it will continue to get worse....someone's got to be wise and experienced...or there will be no one to turn to when the wisdom is needed. Who will it be?

If you're thinking, dear friend, that you are not nearly enough qualified, or deserving, or "right" to be the one with the big huge dreams....the ways to fix things...or the beautiful wisdom..........sweetheart, it's time to change your thinking.

The world needs those gorgeous ideas brewing in your mind, or who else will make them happen? The world needs all of that passion that goes along with the burning desire in your heart to make things better and to fix what is wrong...or who else is going to do it? And.....honey.....all of those hard things you are learning...those lessons, those trials.....ALL OF THEM....those are the things that will bring the wisdom and the experience that is so needed in the world....because, if not YOU...who else will have it?

Get ready, sister........there are big things planned for you. Keep dreaming, keep fixing, keep helping, keep learning, keep sharing.
Keep with it.

You are needed.
You are loved.
xoxo

Peace ...

2010-11-10T22:40:00.000-08:00

A message to me, maybe for others as well..?

Dear Gorgeous Girl,

Peace is good. Peace is so so good. It is worth it to travel whatever lengths you need to go to feel peace. Often, peace is right in front of our face if we will just silence everything else out. Then sometimes we have to make really tough choices or go to great lengths to feel at peace. Whatever it takes, it is worth it. Always go where the peace is, especially the peace in your heart.

Peace is defined as in the dictionary as: freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety, etc.; tranquility; serenity. But peace is also defined as the normal, non-warring condition of a nation, group of nations, or the world (or within ourselves!).

Another definition of peace is silence; stillness.

Sometimes we are at war with our own selves, sometimes with an issue -- an addiction or an illness. Making peace with that part of ourselves is a huge step toward peace. Sometimes we just have to COME to peace with it. Some things are a lifetime struggle, a part of us that we just have to come to peace with -- and constantly seek peace inside of it -- and help that part of ourselves seek for peace.

When making tough decisions, you will never regret making the decision that brings the most peace to your heart. Sometimes it doesn't bring the most peace to your LIFE in the short term, but if it is what brings the most peace to your heart, that's the place to go. Always go where the peace is.

Seek peace, sweet girl.

You are loved.
xoxo

Hold Out For the Good Stuff ...

2010-11-08T22:12:00.000-08:00

[Yet another wee bit of wisdom from the Brave Girls' Club...]

Dear Patient Girl,

There was probably a time in your life when you wanted nothing more than to have cookies for breakfast every single morning, when you didn't want to practice your reading or do any of your homework, when you were absolutely POSITIVE that you wanted to marry that boy down the street. But someone who knew better than you did made you eat your eggs and toast, made you read for 30 minutes a day -- and life happened in such a way that may have broken your heart when that 14 year old boy chose baseball over you.

-- and you ended up with the life you were SUPPOSED to have, not the one you thought you wanted before you knew what you know now.

Sweet friend, it still works that way, you know. We still think we know what is best for us..we think we know exactly what we want...and when it doesn't happen we want to lay down on the floor and kick and scream and throw fits like a toddler. Or, sometimes our heart just feels like it might break into too many pieces to ever come back together.

But then, the GOOD things happen. The things that were supposed to happen all along...the things that were so much better than what we thought we wanted...the things we didn't even know existed until they showed up in our life EXACTLY when they were supposed to, sometimes after waiting for a very very very long time.

So hold out for the eggs and toast, sister. Hold out, be patient -- the good stuff is coming.

There's a plan for you, and it's gonna be good.

xoxo

I believe this, and the believing feels delicious ...!

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Nebulous Hope ...

2010-11-05T20:00:00.000-07:00

[Another message from the Brave Girls' Club]

Dear Miraculous Girl,

We all have a beautiful, amazing and happy life that is meant for us, but we must do our part each day. We just have to.

When everything seems to be awry and we feel like we have nothing left to cling to, it is our responsibility, and in our power, to cling to HOPE.
We need to look for the things that will bring even tiny glimmers of hope, because hope grows when we focus on it -- and turns to faith, which turns to miracles.

It all starts with hope, though.

When all that you can do is HOPE, it is enough. But don't ever STOP hoping. Hope is the little seed that will help you find faith again, that will help you work toward all that is in your heart...hope is more important than we can ever imagine and we must do all that we can to hold on to it, to never let its light get blown out. W must always hold tightly onto hope -- protect it, take care of it, believe in it.

What is hope, exactly?

hope n.
1. the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

Keep your beautiful mind focused on hope...your heart is already there. Just keep hoping, then keep the faith, then expect miracles, and be willing to take those miracles in whatever form they come in even when you were expecting something different.

Brave girls have hope. -- yes, you have hope. Keep your hope alive. Spread hope to others.

You are so incredible, so very beautiful, and ohhhh so loved.
xoxo

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

In Other Words ...

2010-11-04T11:35:00.000-07:00

From the files ...

It is in our nature to defy gravity, to transcend the limitations of the reasoning mind and connect with an inner realm of mystical truth. We have always been on the quest for this truth; we have always been seeking a way to defy the laws that weigh us down in ordinary thought. From a Renaissance of the mind, we are now coming full circle to a mystical Renaissance. It’s time to learn the truths that govern our interior soul.

~ Carolyn Myss

[oh, sing it, woman!!!]

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
~T.S. Elliot

[... and one day my soul just opened up ...!]

Mystical understanding is a ray of light, God’s kiss that transforms us back into who we truly are. Each of us can put down the burden of our false self and allow our truth to reemerge.
~ Marianne Williamson

[oooooooh, sensing a theme here -- yeah, baby!]

— Trust in yourself. This means hearing your soul speak in whatever way it does. Intuition is generally a reliable voice, in whatever form it expresses itself individually. Mahatma Gandhi explained his sense of it: “What is Truth? A difficult question; but I have solved it for myself by saying that it is what the ‘voice within’ tells you.”

— Trust in others. This means noninterference as much as possible. Everyone has the universe located in him or her; trusting others frees you from feeling obligated to interfere. In the words of Lao-tzu in the Tao Te Ching: “Do you think you can take over the universe and improve it? I do not believe it can be done.”

— Trust in the Source of being. This means trusting the mystery of creation. The universal Source of all creation, invisible though it may be, guides you just as it guided your development in the womb. When you trust in Divine intelligence, you cooperate and invite the shift to Meaning.
~Wayne Dyer

[yes-yes-yes-YES! sorry, I just get so danged excited. only, I'm really not sorry!]

How open is your heart? How available are you to love?

Fish don’t practice swimming—love is our water, and you are a natural swimmer…are you making love harder than it needs to be?

~ Wendy Robbins

[love is who we *are*... so be that.]

Because you will not be judged, you cannot be condemned.

Because you will never be condemned, you will know at last that love is unconditional.

~ Neal Donald Walsch (or, God)

The choices that others make cannot negatively impact your experience unless you include them in your experience through your attention to them. Things come to you only through your Vibrational invitation—and they remain only by your continuing attention to them.

Your Universe is based upon freedom. Freedom for everyone to choose what they give their attention to, and therefore what they choose to experience. And your interaction with one another provides a contrasting basis that assures continual expansion.

When others achieve Vibrational alignment with something they desire, they in no way deprive you of your desires. If your time-space reality has inspired a desire within you, it is certain that your desire can be fulfilled, for your Earth environment has the potential of satisfying the essence of all desires.
--- Abraham

[ok ... I confess ... I gasped outloud at this next one...!]

The path to enlightenment is not a path at all, Dena, it's actually a metaphor for the time it takes for you to allow yourself to be happy with who you already are - no matter what.

Just do it, The Universe

Synchronicity may appear random, but at closer look you will see that the universe is giving what you asked for.

When events appear to fit together perfectly in our lives it may seem at first that they are random occurrences, things that are the result of coincidence. These synchronous happenings, though, are much more than that, for, if we look at them more closely they can show us that the universe is listening to us and gently communicating with us. Learning to pay attention to and link the things that occur on a daily basis can be a way for us to become more attuned to the fact that most everything happens in our lives for a reason – even when that reason is not clear right away.

When we realize that things often go more smoothly than we can ever imagine, it allows us to take the time to reflect on the patterns in our lives. Even events that might not at first seem to be related to each other are indicators that the universe is working with, not against, us. This idea of synchronicity, then, means that we have to trust there is more to our lives than what we experience on a physical level. We need to be willing to look more closely at the bigger picture, accepting and having confidence in the fact that there is more to our experiences than immediately meets the eye. Being open to synchronicity also means that we have to understand that our lives are filled with both positive and negative events. Once we can recognize that one event is neither more desirable nor better than the other – they all have an overall purpose in our lives - then we are truly ready to listen to the messages the universe gives us.

While we may not be able to see everything in our lives as being synchronous, we can certainly use hindsight to be more aware of how the universe guides us. This sense of wonder at the mysteries of the universe and the interconnectedness present in our lives will help us see our overall ways of being and will in turn make it easier to work more consciously towards our spiritual evolution.

[I do adore the serendipitous nature of synchronicity -- and it's fun to type, too!)

[Just now, as I looked at the time, it shifted to 11:11 ...! :) ]

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."

~Robert F. Kennedy

[having "failed" ... only to discover that it was the very liberation that I desperately needed, I am learning to trust the inner Voice ... I am learning to walk on the edge of the cliff ... I am daring to believe that if I fall, I'll either be caught, or learn to fly ...]

Enjoy where you are and you'll be where you're going.

-- Bashar

[don't be thinking this quote is about geography ...!]

So at this moment, there is great awe and wonderment at the process again. How quickly we forget! How quickly we forget the grandness that we are. And how clearly this demonstrates what we refer to as the Great Remembrance. Remembering your true nature. Remembering that you are Source, first and foremost.

That you are eternal beings of light, of energy, of love. This is your true nature, you see. And any time you have a thought that is different from that, it is not a true thought. Any time you see yourself as smaller than your greatness, it is not a true thought, it is a lie.

We are the Beloved. And so are you.
~ Kenton David Bell

On this day of your life, Dena, I believe God wants you to know...
...that all problems can evaporate in the blink of an eye,
and that you are eternally abundant.

I know, I know...it sometimes doesn't seem that way, but the
truth is, you always have everything you need, right here, right now.

Do you know how I know?

You're still here. If you hadn't always been given everything you ever needed, you wouldn't be here.

Now all that is necessary is for you to understand this deeply.
Then, stop worrying. You'll be okay. Wait and see.
Or better yet, don't wait at all. Experience this right now.
And remember it when things don't look so good
(in your imagination).

[ok, I'm believing, I'm trusting, I'm receiving, I'm allowing, I'm letting myself fall into this ... I'll be ok -- I AM ok, right now]

There's a link between each and everything you've ever done and where you are now. It's all contributed to making the present the best possible place to be. In other words, do take time to thank all of your former incarnations, both in this life and in others.

[if any guys are reading this - and congrats to you for making it this far! - just apply what fits ... lol, or let your inner-female read this one! yes, you DO have one!]

Dear Unforgettable Girl,

It's one of the paradoxes of life, one of the most confusing and hard to take things; but it's one of the important truths that painful and difficult things often get worse before they get better.

For a wound to heal, often the infection must be cleaned out before you can stitch it up. When a baby is born, after hours and hours of painful labor, the worst pain of all comes just before the miraculous birth. When the sun goes down at night and leaves the sky dark, it gets very darkest right before the sun comes up.

This can teach us so much about holding on, about sticking with it, about bearing through it to see the other side of it, about doing the hard work of digging out the infection -- cleaning it thoroughly no matter how painful it is so that we can fully heal.

There is nothing like the feeling of holding a new baby in your arms after that horrific final pain, but somehow the pain you just endured made the experience a million times sweeter once it was over.

When the sun comes up, it is such a welcome beauty after such a dark night.

Would we be able to feel the incredible miracles, the beauty, the joy, the peace if we didn't know this pain just before the pain was over?

Stick with it, beautiful girl. You will be so glad that you did.

You are strong enough. You will be able to do it. Just keep breathing -- keep going. We are rooting for you every step of the way.
xoxo

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

For Those Who Know What I'm Talking About

2010-11-02T16:34:00.000-07:00

I've shared so much of my life here ... including recent adventures, mis-adventures, and resulting heart-breaks. I've wallowed, and groused, and gushed, and belly-ached, and morosed and blathered, and generally foisted mine stuff all over tarnation, so it seems only right and fitting (despite not believing in right/wrong, and noting how not much fits), that I share an update ...

I know not everyone reads my meandering posts -- so I figure that those who need to, will find it.

It happened: I got over IT.

I didn't think it would happen ... there were dark, dark days in which I despaired of living, and honestly considered committing myself either to a nunnery or a lock-down. Days when I wanted to get in the car, drive 'til I couldn't drive any further, and just sit there. 'Til the thinking, then the breathing, stopped.

I heard all the (hollow-sounding) promises, that life would go on, that I'd find myself again (or perhaps for the first time?) ... that I'd feel again, that joy would return to me ... that I would wake up and smell life again. That I'd find mySelf (which, really, if you wanna know the truth, sounded like a second-rate consolation prize).

I didn't believe none of y'all ...! :P

Nope -- I figured I'd just end up turning my life into a monument for "gloom, despair, agony ... deep dark depression, excessive misery" ... (yes, I was forced to watch FAR too many "Hee-Haw" episodes as a child ... which may be the root of all my unresolved issues!).

But there's this irrepressible, indomitable, irresistible, inevitably-irreversible THING in me, that kept the spark of hope alive in my shattered heart ... I love life. I adore, appreciate, and absolutely APPLAUD this adventure called LIFE ...! All of it -- the ups, the downs, the highs, the lows, the paths, the detours, the calms, the frenzies, the peace, the passion, the valleys, the mountains, the glorious-messes, the CLIFFS! You get the idea.

And that THING kept burning ... that ember wouldn't die out ... and as I moved forward (often in circles, sometimes crawling an inch at a time), and as I worked my butt off (where did it go?!?), I started noticing that I was noticing ... life around me.

Phoenixes rise out of ashes ... and love emerges out of broken hearts ... geodes crack open to reveal the hidden-beauty within ... until we're broken, we don't know what lies dormant within us ... and I'm so SO glad that I now know...!

I have NO regrets -- I'm extraordinarily grateful for what I've experienced ... the joy, the adventure, the fun, the fear-facing, the revelations, the risks, the pain -- YES, even the pain. Especially the pain. Even knowing what I would suffer, I would do it again. I am that grateful.

I discovered that I can do the unthinkable, and survive.

I discovered that I can face some of my worst fears, and survive.

I discovered that I can lost most of my friends, and survive.

I discovered that I can lose my entire reputation, and survive.

I discovered that I can feel horrendously alone, misunderstood, judged -- and survive.

I discovered that I can be brave enough to seek out my soul's purpose -- and THRIVE...!

In the very thick of that stage of this journey ... and it's amazing.

And ... I've only just begun!

Last night, standing in the middle of my kitchen, I was so overcome with gratitude for ALL of this, that I had to grab the counter ... my hand flew involuntarily to my mouth ... and my knees got so weak, that I had to sit down, right in the middle of the not-yet-swept floor, crumbs and all, and just breeeeeeeathe ...

I could only say, outloud, in a hushed, intense whisper, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you ...!" To the Universe/God/Source, to mySelf, to the one who was a catalyst, to the ones who have assisted me, and to a friend who emerged just when I needed them most ... to show me what I most needed to see.

I sat there in reverential awe ... hugging myself, rocking, tears streaming down my face ... but these were tears of overwhelming joy. I knew I was back ... that I'm Me ... that none of this was a mistake, but a profound orchestration for my soul's purpose ... that I can trust ... that I can live in joy ... that I can love, more than ever before.

So, thank you -- to each of you. You know who you are. I love you.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena
(the same, and yet forever-altered)

Leap of Faith ...

2010-11-01T23:03:00.000-07:00

Dear Beautiful Girl,

That thing that's been lingering on your mind, burning in your heart, that scary beautiful thing that you can't get out of your whole soul because it wants to be heard and acted upon. Guess what lovely? It's not going to go away.

It's not going to go away because it's the deepest wisdom and authenticity of you trying to get you on exactly the right track. It is your truth.

What would a leap of faith look like? What is it that is holding you back? Would it be so bad just to take that first step? Would it be so bad to stop and really honor yourself and at least listen to that longing?

This is where your choices will make every difference in the world. This is where the fork in the road just might lead to the place you've been praying to be.

Get quiet, dear friend. Listen closely. Then be brave when you know exactly what to do next but can't quite get the courage to do it. Be brave and go for it, then do it again. Live THAT ONE PRECIOUS LIFE OF YOURS - - really really live it.

It is time.
xoxo

[from the Brave Girl's Club]

Rapture of Being Alive ...

2010-10-31T00:05:00.000-07:00

People say that what we're all seeking is a meaning for life.
I don't think that's what we're really seeking.
I think that what we're seeking is an experience of being alive...
so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.
~Joseph Campbell

oh yes.

Can't speak for anyone else here, but what I want, beyond anything else, is a vibrant, full-bodied experience of BEing alive.

The whole thing ... full-throttle ... no holds barred ... wringing every bit of juice out of every moment ... every sense involved and participatory ... every nuance explored ... every level of my BEing, physical, emotional, spiritual, engaged and encountered.

But that's all.

It may seem that living for rapture is a selfish act reserved for the elite, or that it's a fancy phrase for hedonism. But it isn't. Rapture is not a selfish emotion. It is pure gratitude, flowing freely through the body, heart and soul. Gratitude for what? For breath, for colors, for music, for friendship, humor, weather, sleep, awareness. It is a willing engagement with the whole messy miracle of life. The world suffers more from unhappy, stifled people trying to do good, than it does from those who are simply content within themselves.

Now, I'm learning something I initially resisted (though, of course, what we resist persists ...). I'm learning that inner contentment comes via the path of pain ... for it hurts to let go of the external things we *think* will make us happy. Before we can connect with others, we have to know, and love, ourselves. This seems to often require a time of aloneness, even loneliness ... which doesn't mean solitude. We can feel, and even be, alone while surrounded by others ...

The great loneliness -- like the loneliness a caterpillar endures when she wraps herself in a silky shroud and begins the long transformation from chrysalis to butterfly. It seems that we too must go through such a time, when life as we have known it is over -- when being a caterpillar feels somehow false and yet we don't know who we are supposed to become. All we know is that something bigger is calling us to change. And though we must take the journey alone, and even if suffering is our only companion, soon enough we will become a butterfly, soon enough we will taste the rapture of being alive.

Every single syllable resonates for me here ...! Butterflies loom large in my life. They speak of transformation, freedom, soaring, beauty, joy, and trust. I wear a butterfly pendant strewn with amethysts and rose quartz (amethyst is the stone symbolizing the crown chakra, and speaks of transformation; rose quartz symbolizes the heart chakra, and speaks of unconditional love and emotional healing).

I've meditated throughout this healing journey lately ... and I've seen myself as being in a cocoon ... hiding away from the world, tucked in with myself, in a state of "transformational goo" ... no longer what I was, but unsure of what I'll be ... awaiting wings.

Last night, during an intuition class gathering, we did another meditation ... I received a gift in this vision ... at first, I thought it was a cake, but as I reached for it, it turned out to be an elaborately folded Japanese wedding kimono, white, and covered with intricate embroidery (turns out that a white kimono means an ending and a beginning ... and I sense this means a "wedding of me with my soul")

... and I was told that it was made out of the silk of my own cocoon ... and the long sleeves did indeed look like butterfly wings. I was told that I was no longer in the cocoon, that that season had passed ... that I could now wear the kimono, and fly... it had nothing to do with how I *feel* ... that this is a spiritual reality.

(Then they all looked at me, opened their mouths, and sang, "Feelin' Groovy" -- I kid you not!)

(no, I do not have "normal" meditative experiences ... shouldn't be surprised!)

I cannot affirm that I am FEELing like I'm out of the cocoon, and can now fly. But they were adamant that this was not about feelings ... it's about reality. More of that stepping out into darkness stuff...? Crap.

I mean, would it be too much to ask for a spiritual lantern, or a flashlight? I keep finding the edge of the abyss, in the dark ... like the Tarot Fool ...

(Hmmm... I felt compelled to mention the Tarot Fool ... don't know why, but I saw it in my mind's eye ... and, just for kicks and giggles, I looked it up -- fascinating what it says here):

The Fool represents the "everyperson" - the essence of us all embarking on the journey of life, self-discovery and mastery. He is the innocent, the whimsical, the "inner child" mixed with the "inner sage" that lives down deep inside of us all. He faces life and his journey unafraid, trusting, the perfect example of total and utter faith that all will be well, that every experience has a deep essential meaning. He traipses along the crags of life, regardless of any hidden peril or disappointment, his eyes are turned to the heavens and he knows that he will be kept safe and whole along his travels. Key words associated with the Fool are new beginnings, important decisions and optimism.

He is the first and the last, the alpha and the omega. It represents both the fledgling beginner and the adept master. The Fool reminds us of things, sacred things, that we have forgotten or repressed. The Fool knows his or her own ignorance, thus is seen as the most wise.

Because the Fool is trusting and open to all experiences, he provides the perfect role model as we too embark on our life journey. The Fool coaxes us to walk our own path, not the path of the "herd". To trust our own inner voice, our intuition and our inner knowing and to embark on our life course with faith and a stout heart. We need trust, faith in the goodness of life and people, and an undying belief that all will work out exactly as it should.

The Fool is the ultimate "Free Spirit" - this card represents the self-actualized person, free from societal constraints, someone who is able to let go of outmoded beliefs and ideals with the courage to pursue their own special path.

Oh wow ... that could well be my life's motto...!

Have you ever felt caught up in a sychronistically-serendipitous moment ...? I'm having one right now. Goosebumps...!

Back to the rapture theme ...

If ... an evening sky, or an old song has not made your heart flip-flop lately, why not? What is keeping you from feeling the rapture? I can assure you, you won't find the answer in a lighted room. What stands between you and a full-bodied life can only be found in the shadows. What wants to live in you may be waiting -- as it was for me -- at the end of a long loneliness.

Hmmm... was the cocoon experience the same as the "long loneliness"..? If I've come out of the cocoon (regardless of how I currently FEEL), am I now about to discover "what wants to live in me"...?

What's that I feel ...? A deeply-percolating sense of excited anticipation ...?

Could be...

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

More Quotes & Quips ...

2010-10-30T00:05:00.000-07:00

The soul's knock in the night can take many forms. You may experience it as a deep sense of longing. Not the kind of longing that leads to the mall or the refrigerator but the kind that moves downward, to a soft ache in the heart. It's the kind of longing that leads you to ask, "Is this all there is to my life? Is this what I am supposed to be doing, feeling, giving, getting?" This kind of longing can feel threatening. And so you silence its rumblings over and over until it demands to be heard -- until it morphs into something else: a crisis or an illness or an addiction or some other Strange Angel.

She's got my number.

I've heard that knocking all my life. I've asked those questions all my life. I silenced them with blind obedience ... trying harder ... then rebelling ... trying to re-create myself ... meeting society's expectations ...

And OH yes, it has demanded to be heard! Via addiction ... via crises ... via unthinkable events.

The knock at the door can come as a disquieting dream or as a secret plan that you pray you'll never enact: leaving a job or a marriage, finally telling your mother off, revealing a hidden truth to the world. Are these bad ideas, or are they Sleeping Giants and Strange Angels? Perhaps it is best to leave these kinds of questions unanswered ...

But the soul wants you to go beneath. It leads downward. It says, "Don't ignore the signs. Follow your longing down. Go beneath the surface of your troubled mind, your bad moods, your repetitive mistakes. Go beneath the surface questions to even deeper questions." The soul asks questions like these: "What is that weight that holds you back? What inside of you is saying no!? Are you willing to look at yourself? To take responsibility for your own life? Are you willing to let something die, in order for something new to arise? What must die? What wants to live? The soul tells you to root around in the dark stuff for the deeper questions, and to let those questions lead you from the darkness to the light.

I read these words, and I am overcome with a heady combination of both trembling excitement and paralyzing fear ...! Between the gravitational pull of the fear, and the heart-bursting desire to soar, I am stuck. And so ... I continue to await clarity. Not as in "what will I decide to do?" ... but "what will be revealed as my soul's purpose." This isn't about making a decision, so much as seeing what IS.

When you feel chronically confused, or stuck, or enraged, or afraid, you can be sure that the Sleeping Giants are rumbling under the surface of your life. They want to awaken. Soon they'll be knocking at the door. You are welcome to turn them away. You can spend a lifetime turning them away and going back to sleep. Or you can open the door and admit them. The Sleeping Giants and Strange Angels may bring with them risky advice. If you listen, your life may change; you will certainly change. If you turn a deaf ear, you'll stay the same. It's up to you.

So - how 'bout if the Sleeping Giants already banged the door down, disallowing for the option to go back to sleep, and lured me out of bed with their risky advice ... what if I did listen, and did heed, and did go ... what if my life did indeed change, and what if I did change (as in forever-altered) ... and what if, due to the choices of others, I ended up back in that same "bed" ... with a reeling mind, and a broken heart, and utter confusion about what my options now actually *are* ...?

Y'know, just saying, "what if"... :)

All I know to do, is to witness the reeling of the mind ... to allow the broken-open heart to prepare me for another level of love ... and to trust that as I find Me, clarity will become ... well, clear.

Witness ... allow ... trust.

Yes, that fits.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Meandering Musings upon Random Reflections

2010-10-29T00:05:00.000-07:00

Feeling a bit floaty and ephemeral today, so I'm going with it ... I'll just share various quotes from this book ("Broken Open" by Susan Lesser), and respond, if so led.

Every single person on Earth hurts; it's when we have shame about our failings that hurt turns into suffering.

I'm reminded of Byron Katie here ... "it's not what happens to me that hurts me - it's what I think about what happens to me that hurts me." (loose paraphrase of a quote I've internalized)

Shame ... it's that insidious lie that tells us that we're not inherently good enough. That we're flawed at our core ... that something is just *wrong* with our being. It's bogus. Big. Fat. Lie.

We hurt. We all hurt. It comes with the territory of being human. We chose this -- it's why we're here (there are other options, y'know, whether we remember them or not). It's how we learn -- by experiencing life ... we learn what we do want, by experiencing what we don't want. Contrast. Doncha just *loooove* contrast...?!?

[Quote from a formerly-numbed-out man...] "I am so glad to finally feel something. Even if I have to cry every day for a couple of years, it's better than having a frozen heart."

This woman possessed a frozen heart for 21 years ... with very brief forays into emotion, from which I quickly retreated. I have known pain. As we all have. I can say, even in the midst of current (though lessening) pain ... I would rather cry daily (& yes, I have at times doubled over, unable to breathe), than to live in a state of frozen numbness. In fact, the more I dive INto the pain, the more I honor it with my attention, the more deeply I allow myself to express it -- the quicker it passes. It's that suppressed pain, that denied pain, that stoically-managed pain, that morphs into long-term (and oh-so-unnecessary!) suffering ...

I know what Albert Einstein meant when he said that the most appropriate response to life is "Sacred Awe."

The more I read about Albert, the more I wish I'd known him. Or ... maybe I do..! ;)

I have read more spiritual texts and self-help books than is probably legal.

Ha! Did I write that, or quote that ..?!? Sheesh, when I glance at my overflowing shelves ... it's like a timeline of my spiritual journey ... what-I-believed-when ... right there in chronological order ... I was once so very sure of what I thought I believed ... and now ... well, the more I know, the less I know that I know. My absolutes done shrunk. I still love to read ... for I love to be reminded of who I am, and what I've forgotten ... I love it when my inner-Self jumps up and down in joy, singing, "YES!"

I do so love those moments...!

Life as a human being here on Earth can not be sanitized, rationalized, or tranquilized into a rigid vision of the way it's "supposed to be." Life will always be quirky, dynamic, changing and messy. The way of the heart -- that inner instinct that draws us creatively into the chaos of life -- is, ironically, also the way out of confusion, anxiety and suffering.

Life is not tidy, comprehensible, or numb. There are no objective standards to attain. There's a sublime beauty to the creative chaos of human life.

I have grown up in a culture and a family that valued thinking and doing over feeling and loving. But here was Chogyam Trungpa, this brilliant thinker, this advanced scholar, and this brave warrior, whispering like a spiritual cupid into my ear: "Follow the tender girl who longs for love. She knows the way. Don't be afraid."

Why, I wonder, would the "longing for love" be so dismissed, so denigrated, so denied, within our culture? Why do we see that longing as less-than, compared with ... success, and wealth, and status, and power, and reputation, and achievement ...? We are love. We are here to learn that ... to express that ... to experience that.

And yet ... it's ridiculed as being "unnecessary" ... perhaps it explains the hollow sense of futility so many of us can feel, when we accumulate all manner of success, wealth, status, power, reputation and achievement ... and then ask, "is this all there is???"

I think I shall follow that tender girl who longs for love ... I think I shall stop being afraid.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

That (Stinkin') Journey ...

2010-10-28T13:40:00.000-07:00

Learn the alchemy
true human beings know.
The moment you accept
what troubles you've been given,
the door will open.~ Rumi

Soooo ... how does one launch into that journey from Once-Born to Twice-Born wisdom...? Where's that covert courage required to make a big change ...? How can we tap into the power of a challenging struggle, in order to fuel growth?

I find that it helps to remember that I am not alone in this endeavor. The feeling of isolation is an illusion -- albeit a persistent one. Most often a self-imposed one.

I envision all of us walking around, imagining that our struggles are unique ... that our pain is shameful (& therefore must. be. hidden.) ... that our eccentricities and "failures" and longings are exceptional ... we compare our insides to others' outsides, and we surmise that we ought to work harder at measuring up to some imaginary (egoic) standard.

So, we hide out -- and we miss out.

I love how Susan Lesser articulates it (oh she is a sublime word-artist!):

We become voyeurs of the kinds of experiences that our own souls are longing to have. We have the real opportunity to live fully, with passion and meaning and profound satisfaction. It is our birthright to uncover the soul -- to remove the layers of fear or shame or apathy or cynicism that conceal it.

When I read this, I had to put the book down, and just breathe ... I had to allow the welling-up emotions to overflow out of my heart, and onto my lap ... and as I gazed on them, as I felt them, I then became acutely aware of far-deeper emotions ... seemingly lodged in the depths of my gut -- as if locked away in the dungeon of my subconsciousness -- banished feelings, buried where no light can shine ... except ... every so often, the words of another can serve as a permission-catalyst ... coaxing them out, into the open, to be witnessed, experienced, and released ...

Why do we hide ourselves from others? From ourselves? Why do we imagine that this is a secret, when we're all doing it? Rumi calls this the "Open Secret" ... our secret underbelly ... our fears, shames, pains, weaknesses ... but each of us has this "shadow self" ... this bumbling bozo side ... that bad-tempered "evil twin" ... that unkind jerkish reactionary "part" ...

Just like you, I wonder if life has meaning; I worry and fret over things I can't control; and I often feel overcome with a longing for something that I cannot even name. For all of my strengths and gifts, I am also a vulnerable and insecure person, in need of connection and reassurance. This is the secret I try to keep from you, and you from me, and in doing so we do each other a grave disservice.

I am that. I am both open and vulnerable. Strong and insecure. Self-aware and in need of reassurance. Solitude-craving, and connection-hungered. I am a walking dichotomy. Coming together, and falling apart.

Ohhh, for a world (or even a relationship!), wherein people can get downright real. Where permission is given, and received, to just BE. Messy and all. Thick in the middle of sloppy processing. Free. Accepted. Seen. Loved anyway.

Most of us pound on the door to freedom and happiness with every manipulative ploy save the one that actually works. If you're interested in opening the door to the heavens, start with the door to your own secret self. See what happens when you offer to another a glimpse of who you really are. Start slowly. Without getting dramatic, share the simple dignity of yourself in each moment -- your triumphs and your failures, your satisfaction and your sorrow. Face your embarrassment at being human, and you'll uncover a deep well of passion and compassion. It's a great power, your Open Secret. When your heart is undefended, you make it safe for whomever you meet to put down his burden of hiding, and then you both can walk through the open door.

I don't know how else to live ... I got excommunicated from my old ways of coping, and there's no going back.

So, on I go, into the fearsomely-alluring wildness of the uncharted territory ... onward through the woods.

Anyone else in here with me...? Reach out your hand in the dark ... if only for a moment.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Once Born ... Twice Born ...

2010-10-25T16:15:00.000-07:00

(No, it's not what you think ...!)

In the middle of the journey of our life
I found myself within a dark woods
Where the straight way was lost.
~ Dante Alighieri

Here's more from Susan Lesser's "Broken Open" ...

Our own life stories are myths in the making ... we can all find ourselves in the Old and New Testaments of the Bible, in the parables of the Buddhist and Hindu traditions, and in the shamanic stories of indigenous people, from the Americas to Africa. We can reframe past events and experience our present life as if we too are gods and goddesses, heroes and heroines, warriors and wanderers."

And isn't that why we read? To not only find ourselves adventuring in the story we're engaging, but to discover how the story actually echoes a theme within our own life...? Who hasn't experienced that deep "yes!" of excited-recognition when the words on the page cause us to remember an essence of our true self..?

The philosopher William James wrote that there are two kinds of people in this world -- the Once-Born and the Twice-Born. Once-Born people do not stray from the familiar territory of who they think they are and what they think is expected of them. If fate pushes them to the edge of Dante's famous dark woods -- where the straight way is lost -- they turn back. They don't want to learn something new from life's darker lessons. They stay with what seems safe and what is acceptable to their family and society. They stick to what they already know but don't necessarily want. Once-Born people may go through life and never even know what lies beyond the woods -- or that there are woods at all.

Perhaps a Once-Born person wakes up one morning and feels the beckoning finger of fate loosening disturbing questions: "Is this all there is to life? Will I always feel the same? Do I not have some purpose to fulfill, some greater kindness to give, some inner freedom to taste?" And then he gets out of bed and dresses for work, and he doesn't attend to the soul's questions. The next morning, and all the next mornings, he lives as if the soul was a figment of a flighty imagination. This inattention makes him confused, or numb, or sad or angry.

We all begin here ... as a Once-Born. Most of humanity remains here ... it is the consciousness of status quo. Doing What Is Expected. Staying Safe. Living according to the dictates of society's egoic mandates. We are rewarded with a sense of security ... the approval of the masses ... a feeling of "fitting in" ... and, if we are able to master (& maintain) a strong enough sense of denial, we may succeed in suppressing the soul's messages for many years ... and even decades. Ahh, but at what cost ...?

A Twice-Born person pays attention when the soul pokes its head through the clouds of a half-lived life. Whether through choice or calamity, the Twice-Born person goes into the woods, loses the straight way, makes mistakes, suffers loss, and confronts that which needs to change within himself in order to live a more genuine and radiant life.

The journey into the woods of change and transformation is an inner one. The outer story need not be a soap opera [though it can appear to be], since the real drama is being carried out in the heart of the traveler. The most ordinary-looking lives are often being lived by the most extraordinary spiritual warriors -- people who have chosen the road less taken, the road of self-reflection. Twice-Born people use the difficult changes in their outer lives to make the harder changes within. While Once-Born people avoid or deny or bitterly accept the unpredictable changes of real life, Twice-Born people use adversity for awakening. Betrayal, illness, divorce, the demise of a dream, the loss of a job, the death of a loved one -- all of these can function as initiations into deeper life.

Wondering, to myself ... what differentiates a Once-Born from a Twice-Born? Are we just at various stages of readiness to make the inner journey? Do we have differing degrees of tolerance for adversity? Do we have inherent perspectives that enable us to see such adversity as an open door ... rather than a door slammed in our face? Or is it all about the individual souls' journeys... each of us on a unique path, depending on what we desire/need to learn, what we came here to experience...? Is it that we can no longer remember why we came here, and the job of the soul is to awaken us to that which is forgotten...?

The journey from Once-Born to Twice-Born brings us to a crossroads where the old ways of doing things are no longer working, but a better way lies somewhere at the far edge of the woods. We are afraid to step into those woods but even more afraid to turn back. To turn back is one kind of death; to go forward is another. The first kind of death ends in ashes;the second leads toward rebirth. For some of us, the day arrives when we step willingly into the woods. A longing to wake up, to feel more alive, to feel something spurs us beyond our fear. Some of us resist like hell until the forces of fate deliver a crisis. Some of us get sick and tired of filling an inner emptiness with drugs or drink or food [or work, or religion, or achievement], and we turn and face our real hunger: our soul hunger.

I know those crossroads well. I know what it's like to stand at the edge of the woods, seeing no discernible path ... unable to make out the "better way" ... feeling stuck there, at the edge ... miserably uncomfortable, unable to go back, afraid to go forward... treading water in time ... longing with everything in me to feel alive ... not knowing how to get from here to there. Wondering how to trust again ... what to trust in ... how to even take that first step ...

... and yet knowing that I must. My soul's hunger is too ravenous to ignore.

Twice-Born people trade the safety of the known for the power of the unknown. Something calls them into the woods, where the straight path vanishes, and there is no turning back, only going through. This is not easy. It is not a made-up fairy tale. It is very real and very difficult. To face our shadow -- the dragons and hags that we have spent a lifetime running away from -- is perhaps the most difficult journey we will ever take. But it is there, in the shadows, that we retrieve our hidden parts, learn our lessons, and give birth to the wise and mature self. The difficulty of the dark journey is matched only by its rewards. I also know that every single person in this whole world is offered -- over and over -- the chance to take the voyage from Once-Born to Twice-Born wisdom.

Security vs. Freedom. There it is.

The most generous and vital people are those who have been broken open by change, or loss, or adversity [or all three]. And not just broken open on the outside. Indeed, it is the internal transformation that matters most. If there is one thing that has made a difference in my life, it is the courage to turn and face what wants to change within me.

Do I now have that courage?

Perhaps I am in those woods ... and have been. Yes, I can see that's true. Perhaps I couldn't discern the forest for the overshadowing of the closest trees. But perhaps I'm at a stand-still ... perhaps clinging to a familiar tree ... feeling my insecure need for the cozy-habitual playing tug-of-war with the call of my soul to go on ... to face what wants to change within me ... and doubting that I have the courage, the strength, the ability, to continue to go forward in the dark.

Wondering if the darkness goes on and on ... and if, and when, I'll come into some Light.

Loosening my grip now ... on that tree ... knowing I cannot settle for what was ... even though I do not yet know what will be ... so I take a step, and notice that I Am. Here. Now.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

"Broken Open"

2010-10-24T13:07:00.001-07:00

Some snippets from "Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help us Grow" ... by Elizabeth Lesser:

And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom ...

And no one can tell when each one will come to that tipping point ... or even IF they will come..

"You are afraid to feel your real feelings. You are afraid to want what you really want. What do you want? What you want is waiting for you in your own heart. The time has come."

We have been systematically taught to ignore, suppress, despise and even *fear* what we want, and how we feel ... and we, and the world, are much poorer for it ...

How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is to resist change. And how ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be. You may be at the beginning of a transition, feeling only a vague mood of restlessness or a nagging nudge in the direction of something new. Or maybe you are in a full-blown period of change; what you thought was your life is now over, and where you are heading is unknown. Perhaps you are coming out of the woods of a difficult time, finally able to take a breath and make sense of the journey. Or maybe you have become aware once again of the obvious yet startling fact that nothing stays the same for very long; that things like the body, relationships, children, work, towns, nations, and the very earth that sustains us are fluid and fleeting - dynamic systems fueled by the breath of change.

I find myself on the precipice between the full-blown period of change/unknown ... and coming out of the woods, beGINing to make sense of the journey.

To be human is to be lost in the woods. None of us arrives here with clear directions on how to get from point A to point B without stumbling into the forest of confusion or catastrophe or wrongdoing. Although they are dark and dangerous, it is in the woods that we discover our strengths. We all know people who say their cancer or divorce or bankruptcy was the greatest gift of a lifetime -- that until the body, or the heart, or the bank was broken, they didn't know who they were, what they felt, or what they wanted.

Noticing ... and wondering ... why we humans, all of whom are prey to getting variously "lost in the woods", make such sport of ridiculing, shaming and punishing others, who also get lost ...? It would appear that such a "misadventure" is necessary for many (most? all?) of us ... and yet we insist on telling another story. Interesting ...

Before their descent into the darkness, they took more than they gave, or they were numb, or full of fear or blame or self-pity. In their most broken moments they were brought to their knees; they were humbled; they were opened. And later, as they pulled the pieces back together, they discovered a clearer sense of purpose and a new passion for life.

Yes ... I can attest to this. And so it has happened ... and so it is happening. May I show others the mercy, grace and understanding I wish I had received ...

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.~Rumi

I read this late last night, while unable to go to, or stay, asleep ... and for reasons I don't entirely understand (& yet which my heart seems to know), I cried ...

(actually this entire book is speaking deeply into my heart ... and the tears come easily, unbidden ...)

I am fascinated by what it takes to stay awake in difficult times. I marvel at what we all do in times of transition -- how we resist, and how we surrender; how we stay stuck, and how we grow. I have made note of how fiasco and failure visit each one of us, as if they were written into the job description of being human. I have seen people crumble in times of trouble, lose their spirit, and never fully recover. I have seen others protect themselves fiercely from any kind of change, until they are living a half life; safe yet stunted.

Yes ... fiasco and failure do indeed seem to be written into our job descriptions ... it's how we expand, how we grow ... and we must. And how terribly, horribly sad when people live that safe and stunted half-life ...!

Honestly, it's the worst thing I can imagine doing with this life...!

Some are sick and dying ... other are merely dealing with the terminal condition we call life.

This made me smile ... :)

How can I stay awake? What will it take for my longing for wakefulness to become stronger than my fear of change?

Ahhhh... the question of my here and now.

This book was written for

those in search of that shining soul - those who are willing to enter the woods of self-examination in order to retrieve what was never really lost...

Ohhhh yes!

The experience of change and transformation is never complete. something bigger and brighter always calls us to shine through us. We are continually challenged to change and grow, to break down and break through. The first big change made in the name of awakening can be destructive and traumatic. I wondered if so much pain could ever lead to anything good. Some of us need a cataclysmic event to find our way toward "the center of our own existence."

I've kinda-sorta lived a show-and-tell scenario of that one ...

Many of us feel uncomfortable revealing to others - and even to ourselves - what lies beneath the surface of our day to day consciousness.

And I would not be one of those ..! ;)

When you do something from your soul,
you feel a river moving in you,
a joy ...~ Rumi

You can also feel that river flowing when you reach out and help someone in need, when you are in love, when you come through the fire of a difficult endeavor, or when you finally surrender to a painful situation -- when you stop fighting the fear and heartache, and you give over the reins to something greater. When you tire of your own constriction and you open, come what may, to the flow of life, you and your soul become one, and you feel a river moving in you, a joy.

Yet so often we resist the pull of the river. We tune out the call of the soul... Perhaps if we quieted down and asked the soul for direction, we would be moved to make a big change. Maybe that wild river of energy, with its longing for joy and freedom, would capsize our more prudent plans, our ambitions, our very survival. Why should we trust something so indeterminate as a soul? And so we shut down. I know that feeling of deadness; I know how the river diverts itself and breaks through in other ways -- as a desire to blame, as an emotion of anger, as physical illness, as restlessness, or weariness, or self-destruction. The soul always speaks, and sometimes it speaks the loudest when we block its flow, when we live only half of a life, when we stay on the surface.

If we don't listen to the voice of the soul, it sings a stranger tune. If we don't go looking for what lies beneath the surface of our lives, the soul comes looking for us.

Oh wow ... what can I possibly add to that...?!?

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

A Plethora of Flawed Premises ...

2010-10-23T20:48:00.000-07:00

These are taken from "The Vortex: Where the Law of Attraction Assembles All Cooperative Relationships" by Abraham-Hicks ...

Regardless of your opinion of the Law of Attraction (& yes, I have seen how it's been uber-commercialized), or Abraham-Hicks (& yes, I used to have a negative view of them myself), see if you can discern how many of the proposed flawed premises here feel "familiar" to you ...

No test will be given -- this is just for your own ruminations ...!

~ Flawed Premise #1 ~ I am either physical, or Non-Physical, either dead or alive.
(What if we existed before our physical birth, before our physical conception? What if we're Non-Physical beings, experiencing a physical manifestation...?)

~ Flawed Premise #2 ~ My parents, because they were here long before I was born, and because they are my parents, know better than I do what is right or wrong for me.
(What if neither a birth date, or a relationship, makes one person more wise than another? What if you chose your parents -- not for the purpose of obeying them, but for the purpose of learning what you did not like ... and therefore what you did like?)

~ Flawed Premise #3 ~ If I push hard enough against unwanted things, they will go away.
(What if this is an inclusion-based universe, rather than an exclusion-based universe? In other words, what if we get more of what we focus on, whether we are saying "yes" to that thing/situation, or "no" to that thing/situation?)

~ Flawed Premise #4 ~ I have come here to live the right way life and to influence others to the same right way of living. And what feels right to me must be the right way of living for all.
(What if, instead, you came here saying, "I will go forth into a sea of contrast; and from it, more ideas will be born"? What if we finally recognized that everything we "war" against, whether poverty, drugs, terrorism, disease, crime, actually inCREASES...?)

~ Flawed Premise #5 ~ Because I am older than you, I am wiser than you; and therefore you should allow me to guide you.
(What if age does not equate to experiential wisdom...? And what if experience is required, personally, for any of us to learn? What if following another actually keeps us from fully living life?)

~ Flawed Premise #6 ~ Who I am began on the day I was born into my physical body. As an unworthy Being, I was born into a life of struggle in order to try to achieve greater worthiness.
(What if you are worthy, just because you are? What if your worth is inherent to your Being? What if you are actually an extension of Eternal Consciousness ... a manifestation of God/Source-Energy? What if there is nothing to achieve? What if awareness is the point to life?)

~ Flawed Premise #7 ~ With enough effort or hard work, I can achieve anything.
(What if our experiential struggles are designed to show us that we're out of alignment with our True Selves, or our Source?)

~ Flawed Premise #8 ~ To be in harmony with another, we have to want and believe the same things.
(What if the only necessary harmony is between you and You? Between the you you perceive you to be, and the You you actually are?)

~ Flawed Premise #9 ~ The path to my joy is through my action. When I am feeling bad, I can get to a better-feeling place by taking action. I can get to what I want by leaving what I don't want.
(What if happiness happens when we discover that nobody but US is responsible for the way we feel? What if believing that others are responsible for how I feel actually keeps me in bondage?)

~ Flawed Premise #10 ~ I cannot have everything I desire, so I have to give up some things that are important to me in order to get others.
(What if the point is to "get happy" within myself, so as to attract things of a similar "happy vibration"? What if it's not about "getting" ... but "allowing"?)

~ Flawed Premise #11 ~ If I leave an unwanted situation, I will find what I am looking for.
(What if it's not about the externals, but about my own practiced pattern of thought that is bringing me what is unwanted?)

~ Flawed Premise #12 ~ There is a finite number of resources that we are all drawing from. So when I am satisfying my own desire, I am depriving someone else of their share.
(What if we are drawing from an INfinite reSource pool? Would it make sense to say, "I only want 50% of my health portion, so that someone else can have my other half"...? Why would any other resource be limited? What if our thoughts/beliefs create our experiential reality?)

~ Flawed Premise #13 ~ There are right ways and wrong ways to live. And all people should discover and agree on what the right way of living is, and then that right way should be enforced.
(What if the laws in our world, both secular and religious, are written by those who are out of alignment with who they really are? IOW, what if it's all based on the ego? Honestly ... has enforcing the law ever worked...?)

~ Flawed Premise #14 ~ There is a God Who, having considered all things, has come to a final and correct conclusion about everything.
(What if this premise is at the root of all of man's assault on mankind, of all wars, all hatred, all sense of unworthiness/guilt/shame ... what if it is the primary cause of why we disallow our own sense of well-being? What if we are here to co-create, rather than to obey?)

~ Flawed Premise #15 ~ You cannot know, while still in your physical body, the true reward or punishment for your physical actions (or choices, or beliefs). Your reward or punishment will be shown to you after your physical death.
(What if that which feels like love IS love ... and that which feels like hate is NOT love? What if the concept of both reward and punishment are of the ego, and not of God?)

~ Flawed Premise #16 ~ By gathering data, we can effectively sort people, and their actions/beliefs into absolute piles of right and wrong. Getting people to comply with our conclusions, and using enforcement, we can bring about harmony on Earth.
(What if this is the root of religion ... again based on the perspective of the ego?)

~ Flawed Premise #17 ~ Only very special people, like the founder of our group/religion, can receive the right message from God. All other messages from all other messengers are therefore incorrect.
(What if this is hooey?)

~ Flawed Premise #18 ~ By ferreting out the undesirable elements in our society, we can eliminate them. And in their absence, we will be freer.
(What if true freedom is the absence of resistance, and the presence of alignment with God/Source? What if we cannot be in harmony with what we want, AND also in the state of pushing against what we do not want, at the same time?)

~ Flawed Premise #19 ~ A good relationship is one in which the dominant intention of each person involved is to find agreement and harmony with the other.
(What if the way it works is for each one to be in alignment with their own Source, and to then celebrate that alignment with each other? What if, in that state, any disagreement would then be seen as beautiful diversity, and enrichment, rather than a threat? What if we canNOT hold another person responsible for our happiness? What if I must be selfish enough to seek harmony with my own Source first -- in order to give you anything of value?)

~ Flawed Premise #20 ~ When I focus on things of a physical nature, I am less spiritual.
(What if everything physical, whether eating, walking, reading, dancing, or having sex, is innately spiritual? What if there is nothing more spiritual, than to allow the true spirit that is you, to flow through every aspect of your physical life? What if this life is to be a celebration of spirit-manifesting-in-physicality...?)

Yeah ... gotta admit, there are quite a few that feel oh-too-familiar to me ...! How 'bout you?

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Meanderous Messages ...

2010-10-20T11:23:00.000-07:00

Here's a hodge-podge of "things that done spoke to me" in the past couple of days ... sharing with the world at large (i.e., the 3.5 people who still read my blog, LOL!). Note to that .5 person: please drink coffee before showing up, so that it comes up to "4".

Without further ado:

When the issues of someone else's life have you tied in knots, Dena, it usually means it's time to start focusing on your own life.

Doesn't that feel better?
The Universe

Ok, who's reading my mail?!?

On this day of your life, Dena, I believe God wants you to know...

...that nothing is ever as bleak as it looks. Everything, in fact, is a blessing.

I know, I know...that is sometimes very hard to believe. How can a sudden, calamitous event in one's life be a blessing? It takes a longer view, I know, to see this wonderful truth. Even a diagnosis of a terminal illness could be seen as another gift from life when experienced from a particular perspective.

It is an opportunity for us to express once again, at the next highest level, Who We Really Are. And, if it turns out that, at the Soul level, we have indeed decided to leave our present physicality in this particular way and time, that, too, would be an expression of our Highest Self. And so, all "calamities" are blessings, not yet understood by the Mind. God knew this was a good day for you to hear this...

And again! Egads ... God/Universe/Self sure has my number ...!

Contraction is a sign that birth is imminent.

-- Alan Cohen

LOL -- *this* one I know all-too-well ...! Yep!

Start taking pleasure from your inner reality. Most people are approaching this backwards. Most people are saying, "Okay, I want that, and I am not fulfilled until I get that manifestation." The reason for that promise of manifestation out there, to begin with, is that it gives you the reason to play the game in the inner reality. It is your imagination, it is the feeling of Energy flowing through you that is life.

--- Abraham

Note to Self: don't forget that this is a game. Play with it more. Stop taking it so stinkin' seriously.

"When you join in love with ‘what is’,
your joining occurs at the Source of all connection."

Yes ... I'm learning this at a deeper-than-conscious level. I may have gone into this class kicking and screaming ... but I orchestrated it. And then I forgot.

I'm remembering...

The dream at night is just like the dream of here and now, Dena. You hide from yourself that you create it so that it can seem real, while you pretend not to be who you already are, so that you can finally get what you already have, fun.

...so that you can be who you already are, Dena, and get what you already have....

I say think of this often.

Unicorns and dolphins,
The Universe

So ... I already have a unicorn...? Groovy.

"Intuition will tell the thinking mind where to look next."
— Jonas Salk

Yes ... I'm learning the slow-and-painful process of yielding my mind to my intuition ...

It's all good -- from your point of view, at least. Luck will be on your side, as your uncanny sense of timing will demonstrate. In truth, though, luck has nothing to do with it. It's your willingness to let go of the steering wheel and let the universe drive.

Let go ... let go ... let go ... (repeat ad nauseam ... or until the nausea passes!).

Sweet mortals of the Universe, do not lay your heads low, begrudging the very day our beloved Creator has given you. Instead, ride freely with whimsical merriment, on the coattails of the very certainty, that is Now! Stop fussing about past foes and worries of what cannot be undone, but instead infuse your immediate reality to that of your perfect manifestation ... When you cannot see the sun for the clouds, you surely block out all that is awaiting your Soul. It aches for enlightenment; it screams out for Divine Guidance, it needs to walk in the Light ...

So very many of you feel lost, at odds, or in search of answers to all of your world’s bothersome troubles, and tribulations. Remember, these extreme and difficult situations, whatever they may be, are carving out the very core of your inner being, the character building experiences of who you are becoming, the extraordinary, exclusive, and altogether remarkable human beings that you are!

Outstanding! As you endure these wearisome conditions, you are attaching yourselves to the Highest Consciousness of You ... This is soul growth. To walk an uncertain, scary new path with your chins up is indeed a feat well accomplished!
~ Thuroc

Well there y'go ... that's about all the meanderingness I can eek out today - savor what feeds you ... let go of the rest.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Ahem ....!

2010-10-19T00:05:00.000-07:00

OK, so I know I just got started on unpacking a book ... a 33-day/step-book at that. But ... I have also, beginning today, just launched myself into a journey ... basically a sort of "spiritual boot-camp" ... something I VERY much need to do, for me, for now, for here ... for life and beyond.

I don't mean to sound either mysterious or cryptic, but ... I do need to keep this adventure a bit personal. This is vital ... something I MUST do for ME. It's gonna be intense ... and I'm eager for this experience to take me deep ... to undo what needs to be undone ... to reveal what IS.

I won't be reading anything of a spiritual (or psychological) nature for a while ... part of a necessary process of keeping things purely focused. However, I imagine that I'll find something to blog about ... something to share, as I go.

Meanwhile ... I received this lovely message, appropriately enough, on my 49th birthday:

Dear Fantastic Girl,

Wrinkles are beautiful and curves are lovely and getting older is a graceful and gorgeous part of life.

Don't believe it? Look around at the women you admire and love. Look at the wise ones and the powerfully loving ones and the ones full of incredible experiences and beautifully humble stories. Look at the lines on their eyes that come from years of smiling through joys and squinting at the sky through sorrows. Look at the authentic woman-ness of their being. Look at their noble and simple authenticity....wrinkles, age spots, curves and all.

Please embrace every part of the aging process, incredible friend. Don't be afraid of growing older. When we obsess over capturing and holding on to youth eternally, we miss out on our turn to be the lovely wise one with all of the experiences to share. We need to give an example to the brave girls who come after us that life is more than the looks of youth and the fear of getting and looking older. We can age with beauty, grace, dignity and pride......and shine as the most beautiful and brightest light in the room, no matter our age or size.

Flaunt that loveliness, dearest. You are gorgeous and radiant and unforgettable.

Thanks for bringing so much authentic beauty into the world.

xoxo

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Project Knowing Infinite Self ~ Step Six

2010-10-18T00:05:00.000-07:00

"We Learn About the World Through Common Belief Patterns and Then Go Beyond"

Admittedly a bit unwieldy for a chapter heading ...!

But worth considering ...

This is striking: that which we think we know to be true, we have actually "borrowed" from others. We're like little sponges when we are born ... absorbing all that we're exposed to, and creating our foundation out of our interpretations. We do this without questioning what we're receiving ... just incorporating the "tribal" belief patterns around us ... from parents, siblings, teachers, culture, society.

Since the tribal patterns are in sync with the ego, our own ego doesn't question any of this ... it seems to "fit".

But the very nature of the tribal mind is negativity, fear, dysfunction ...

Now, when we are less-evolved (as a person, or in the course of our own life), the tribal mind is handy .. it extends to us safety, security and familiarity ... a collective consciousness ... the veneer of the strength of group-think. But, this becomes a too-tight fit once we begin to reach for individuality, and much more so once we get a glimpse of the Infinite Self. The tribal mind is then far too restrictive and controlling ... it will seek to hold us back.

The tribal mind says, "warning-warning! don't do that! that's not safe! what will people think?!? you're coloring outside the lines! bad! bad! bad!"

The tribe most definitely wants everyone to remain faithful to status quo. And the programming is both deep and gripping. "Put yourself and your desires/needs aside; sacrifice yourself for others; promote the tribal welfare; do what you're told. or else."

To varying degrees, most of us were taught by family/teachers to be good little robots, and to march to the drummer of obeying-the-rules. And, further, that the rules (whatever they happened to be) are carved in stone. Don't even think about questioning them, much less defying them. Or else.

Stu says:

The human personality desperately needs, as part of its self-image and security, to attempt to elevate itself above others. The tribe does the same. And it requires its members to conform. It doesn't want people to be different."

But you're not a true spiritual individual until you stand on your own, take charge of your life, and have your own individual destiny, beliefs, and methodology. The tribe won't like you doing that. Our systems are based on control... we are programmed to feel embarrassed or guilty if we push against the status quo.

About that "or else" ... it can come in many forms, many ways of retaliating. Ostracization, ridicule, shame, excommunication, "unfriending" on Facebook, rumors/gossip, shunning, sarcasm, etc. I'm familiar with all those forms, and then some. Sure, it hurts. But y'know what -- it's also liberating. I've come to think, "I've been spared."

I like what Alan Cohen says:

No one can bother you unless you agree with them.

Simply brilliant, no?

Here's more from Stu:

As you grow more self-confident and become spiritually mature, you'll soon reach a point where you can release most of the tribal ideas without too much apprehension and fear. Then you are free to become an individual, a true spiritual being with a spiritual destiny of your own.

To do that, you have to go beyond the discomfort of distancing yourself from the tribal beliefs, which usually also means you'll disconnect yourself from its acceptance and support. Once you are strong enough and have the confidence to stand on your own, you'll become a real individual -- you'll believe in yourself so strongly that you can be different and not worry about what others think.

A lot of those conformity issues stem from childhood, and the need of the ego to seek the approval of others. The object of conforming is to keep others happy, and to feel accepted: "if I do this and that, will you love me? if I have sex with you whenever you want me to, will you love me? if I say these nice things, will you consider me holy or spiritual?"

Conformity imposed from "above" is a matter of control. The insidious thing is that we adapt that control, we internalize it, and then we impose the conformity from *within*...! We allow our OWN fears to keep us from breaking out of status quo ... fearing that we'll be banished, or punished, or criticized, or judged.

It's like a personal Stockholm Syndrome in effect, wherein we empathize with our "captors" (in this case, status quo), and align with them ... perpetuating our own enslavement, squelching our own lives, insuring that we will live out a limited/confined version of our soul's purpose...

"We have met the enemy and it is us ...!"

It seems that it takes what it takes to wake up to this ... to break out of our own captivity ... some do so in one fell swoop, and others seem to have to come to the end of the enslavement in a gradual process ...

What to do to speed it up a bit? Perhaps consider breaking up the binding rigidity of the mind's imposition. Take RISKS...! Maybe walk around backwards ... maybe go out to eat, and start with dessert ... maybe spend the whole day talking in pig-Latin ... maybe wear intentionally mis-matched (and/or inside-out) clothing ... maybe sing at the top of your lungs - in public ... maybe strike up conversations with complete strangers ... maybe stand on a street corner, pointing up at the sky with utter fascination, to see how many others will join you ... maybe dance your way down a sidewalk ... maybe climb a tree and sit there reading a book, for hours ... the list goes on and on ... (& I'd have a blast doing ALL of that one one day!).

Just begin to challenge the authority of your ego ... and discover what's underneath it ...

Why not?!? ;)

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Project Knowing Infinite Self ~ Step Five

2010-10-17T00:05:00.000-07:00

Accepting Negativity as a Learning Experience

Oh goody. ;)

Stuff happens. Have you noticed? And often, we declare a thing to be "bad" or "negative" ... and then it feels that way.

Thoughts create things ... and our thoughts about happenings create our experience of those happenings.

I like how Stuart Wilde puts it here:

The ego has rules and regulations. From these come its desires, needs, opinions, beliefs, and fears. Any time the ego perceives negativity, it will react. It will react from arrogance or righteousness, or it will react from its sense of insecurity or from a sense of injustice because its status quo is being assailed; or perhaps its power is being diminished in some way... The ego's view is self-centered and laced with its own fears.

Looking at the world in the finite, emotional ego sense, we judge it, making it wrong. It's only the ego's opinion that life should be cozy and effortless, and that everybody should have plenty of money.

So, we have capitalism that says everyone should be able to do what they want to get the money ... and socialism that says that everyone should spread that money around.

But, from the perspective of the Higher Self, the soul's purpose ... how do we know that poverty isn't something that a beggar needs to experience in order to understand himself, in order to grow ...?

What if there are many lifetimes ... and things we need to learn in each ... and what if that beggar was a hoarder in a previous lifetime, who withheld from others ... and needs to experience things from the "other side of the street?"

What if we had a more long-term spiritual view, rather than a short-term emotionally-expedient view? What if it's my ego, and not the Spirit, that says "that man should have more money"...?

Maybe our limited perspective gets in the way...? What if, in attempting to "fix" someone else's problem, I actually get in the way of their spiritual evolution?

Now, I can show compassion, and understanding, and give of myself ... I can listen, and share, and listen-within ... rather than merely giving in to the reaction of my ego's opinion...

But people who are suffering don't need a fix ... they need a higher/deeper understanding of what's going on ... what led to that situation, and what do they need to learn from it? Maybe, instead of giving of my money, I can give of my energy ...

Maybe I can share (because of what I've learned -- and am learning), that life isn't about indulging the ego, but about aligning with Spirit/Infinite Self ... that the goal is to get enthusiastic about life ...

Stu says:

When their desire to achieve and perceive and create more is greater than the ego's self-indulgence, obstinacy, and destructive ways, then -- and only then -- will people change.

All the agony we experience emotionally and p psychologically is agony of the ego. If the ego didn't have dogma, opinions, and positions it has to defend, you couldn't have negative energy. If the ego didn't have rigid opinions, there couldn't be fear.

Hmmm ... then it seems that we need negativity (negative emotions, negative energy) in order to show us that the ego is still alive and kicking, and in full-fledge operation.

Maybe we need that negativity in order to not live in blind obedience TO the ego...!

Next -- going beyond common belief patterns ...

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Trust the Journey ...

2010-10-16T00:05:00.000-07:00

Oh ~ how this spoke to me!

Dear Wise Girl,

If you are ever in a place in your life and it feels like things are being torn from you one at a time....until it feels as though you are stripped down to nothing...please, dear friend, see it through those beautiful wise eyes of yours. See this time in your life for what it is capable of becoming, rather than for what it may seem when the wounds are raw and fresh.

So many times, the changes and shifts that come in our lives are swift and wild. It seems as though the carpet is being ripped right out from underneath us. Sometimes these stages even feel cruel and senseless. Please remember that nothing in life comes to us without something valuable attached to the other side of it. There are always great gifts available to us when what seems like tragedy comes along.

We often find our greatest new adventures, relationships and opportunities because something ended that we thought would last forever. We find people and places and talents and loveliness on the new paths after we are stripped from the old paths. What seemed so merciless often ends up yielding the greatest mercies of all, helping us find exactly what we are meant to find, and who we are meant to find.....and to do exactly what we were meant to do.

Please trust the journey, lovely you. You are on your way to somewhere so magnificent that it will take your breath away. Don't give up now....keep going....stay on the path....just around the bend there is a life like you could never imagine.

Have a beautiful weekend,
xoxo

I believe this ... my whole being knows this is true. I have NO clue how or when it will manifest (which are not my business) ... but I know it's en route ... and so I cease my resistance to it ... I welcome it ... I eagerly anticipate it.

So be it.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Transition ---> Transformation

2010-10-15T16:04:00.001-07:00

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly."

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Beloved ... Self.

2010-10-15T12:11:00.000-07:00

Ohhhh, but I SO want to believe this ... and more, to *experience* this.

I know it's true ... and if I did once experience this, I've forgotten. I need to remember. Desperately.

It is my current quest. Without this awareness, I have nothing to give...

Dear Beloved Girl,

Great frustration, hurt and anxiety can come from trying to get our worth and our acceptance from other people or from anything that is outside of our own selves and our own deepest truths.

Many of us want love more than anything in the world. We want love and we want acceptance...we want to be understood. Frustration comes when we do no accept the fact that we simply can not MAKE others love us, or accept us, or even understand us. This is why it is so important to first learn how to love ourselves....

When we can get in tune with our deepest truths....the truths that only come from listening to the very force that created us and placed this knowing inside of us.....we can find peace whenever we need it. When we do the work necessary to learn who we really are in spite of who the world may tell us we are....we can find the love and acceptance we so need...whether we have other people in our lives or not. We simply do not NEED to have constant reassurance from others....because there is a voice of knowing inside of us...a voice that comes from the only place that truly KNOWS who we are and what we are capable of.

Be o.k. with YOU, beautiful friend. Be o.k. with the moments of aloneness that come, and that sometimes stay. Be o.k. with sometimes feeling that no one understands or that no one is giving you exactly what you need.....because the only WHOLENESS of spirit that will come is from your own self and your own deepest truth. Be o.k. with this....this is where you will find peace. You can give your SELF love and acceptance, through listening to your deepest truths that come from your Creator. It will be real, true and authentic. And it will be enough.

It really will. It will be enough.

You are so very very loved.
xoxo

[From the Brave Girls Club]

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Bonus Post: About the Heart

2010-10-14T00:10:00.000-07:00

Synchronistically, I read this, by Ken Wilber, in his book, "Grace and Grit" (a memoir about his life with his soulmate, Treya):

Project Knowing Infinite Self ~ Step Four

2010-10-14T00:05:00.000-07:00

The Courage to Accept Spirit as Your Inner Guide

This step is all about moving *effortlessly* from intellect/logic to feelings ... to spiritual guidance from within us.

Notice the word "effortlessly"...? Yeah, my ego snorts, too (oh! but how it loves to exert and achieve and gloat!).

I like how Stu puts it here:

The process is not so difficult. When you have to make a decision, rather than make it intellectually - Shall I? Shan't I? Will I? Won't I? mentally churning through your options - try to rely only on your subtle feelings. Open your heart to what spirit is telling you. In any given situation, it doesn't matter so much what is logical; what matters most is asking what feels right. Once you have decided what feels right, move down that path gingerly; watch for any inconsistencies and problems, and adjust your actions accordingly.

If an idea is right, it will be empowered by your Infinite Self projecting energy outwards, and things will flow. IF it isn't right, you may have to adapt a little or make a slight turn. But if that doesn't work and nothing flows, take it as a sign that the idea is wrong, that you do not have enough energy to pull it off, or that the time isn't right.

Argh, how many times in my life have I been given the opposite instruction/suggestion/mandate...? To IGNORE how I feel, and to do the most logical thing. To put mind over heart (& I'll be saying a bit more about mind and heart...). To trust in externals, rather than eternal-internals.

This resonates with me:

Trust your feelings; ask, and watch the signs all around you. You'll know how hard to try, when it's right to push a little harder, and when it's best to pull back. It's in the constant asking of questions that you logically don't know the answer to that you empower your inner guidance. If you follow along, avoiding the ego's protests as much as possible, you soon find out that your inner guidance is always right. Gradually you develop enough confidence in the prompting of spirit to allow it to become your only guide in life.

Practice constantly.

In the beginning, it doesn't matter if you are "wrong" or "right". all that matters is that you get used to bypassing the intellect and the accepted view... by going against the common logic, you are, in effect, asking permission to access a deeper, higher awareness. By asking [your Infinite Self], and acting on its answers, you empower it. You become more courageous.

So, if this is the Real Self ... and if we have to re-learn how to connect with it ... how did we "lose" our awareness/connection in the first place? What manner of conspiracy is going on...?

Lack of awareness has its roots in childhood. We require our children to endure the tick-tock influence of the education system [and, as a long-time homeschooler, may I say that "doing school at home" has the same effect!] -- a system whose only reality is based in ego, personality, status and logic. By the age of seven or eight, the inner knowing, which is gifted to you naturally when you are born, is usually squashed out of a child. We are trained to ignore the easy way of knowing things via our interconnection with all things, and replace it with a laborious method of learning by rote, intellect, and mind-numbing conformity and logic.

You need facts and figures as part of your education, but that should not become a high altar to the intellect upon which you sacrifice the subtle nature of your all-knowing. In order to win acceptance from others [namely parents] and from our schoolteachers, we tend to conform and we become averse to risk. Gradually our metaphysical knowledge is lost, and in eating the apple of logic from the tree of tick-tock, we fall from heaven and lose our angelic nature. We are banished from the Garden of Eden to a much harder existence, with only the knowledge of the ego (duality) to guide us.

Ohhhh, what we do to ourselves and each other ... and yet, it's the very given we all have to start from ... and we rely upon our minds, our logic ... our egos, until we exhaust ourselves ... until we finally wake up to realize that in doing so, we are not happy ... we are not fulfilled ... we are not at peace ... we are not living our soul's purpose. So what's the solution?

As you start to trust your inner guidance, it leads you graciously, step--by-step. It will take you to the next person, the next place, the highest spot -- it knows. How does it know? Because it is everywhere and everything is a feeling, so it is all-knowing. As you concentrate and begin to rely upon it, it becomes stronger. A door opens inside of you. Click!

This dovetails with Abraham-Hicks ... trust that inner guidance system ... how? By trusting your feelings ... if it's a good feeling, it's your True Self.. if it's a bad feeling, it's the ego. Love/joy/hope/trust is of the spirit ... Fear/lack/anxiety/depression is of the ego. Simple. It's just that we've been taught to heed and honor fear ... fear, you may notice, is the fuel of the conditioned/conforming/conventional life. Fear says, "stay safe! don't rock the boat! please others! do what's expected of you! avoid conflict! self-protect! hide! attack! exclude! separate!" Love says, "Trust. You are immortal. All is well. Risk. Be vulnerable. Listen to your heart. Go all out for joy. All is One."

Some may say, "Well, trusting is frightening!"

Yeah. Of course it is. We are, after all, on a sacred quest.

But ... it's only the ego that is frightened! The real Self is eternal and immortal, at peace, infused with well-being, secure, assured, and "existing in a perfect dimension of exquisite beauty." In fact, we can address this frightened egoic part of us like we would a small child ... "Hey there, little ego. I can tell that you're terrified of letting go. I know you're scared of the future, or at least what you imagine is going to happen in the future, and you really, really want to feel safe. But you don't need to worry about me. I'm eternal. I have all abundance. I'm infinite. I know that there are wonderful things ahead for me, because my Infinite Self has seen it, and feels it. And I can feel it now, too ... in fact, now is enough. So don't worry, little scared one ... I'll be just fine."

All is well, and getting weller.

This sacred and holy journey - the journey way from the ego toward the Infinite Self - is a journey through a fog. You're only going to be able to see a few steps in front of you. The courage of accepting spirit as your guide does not require great fortitude. It's just being courageous enough to step away from the handrail of life ... and walk a little way into the unknown... come to expect the unexpected.

Stay centered in the eternal present. Working on trusting and exercising the muscle of your [inner, extra-sensory] perception, it grows quickly.

Ah, tomorrow looks timely for me: "Accepting Negativity as a Learning Experience."

Can't wait ... (hold on -- that was my ego's response!)

Bring it on! (there, that was my spirit's response!)

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

P.S. Just got this from Wayne Dyer: "You may be guided to leave a job, a city or even a relationship - all of which may sound terrifying [to the ego] at the moment. Nevertheless, if the signals keep coming and they resonate internally with you [with the spirit], take the step - and while doing so, know that you're being guided [by the Infinite Self] to a life of inspiration."

P.P.S. For those who like a bit of scientific research to back up the fluff, check this out. Scroll down a bit to read the article.

The Power of a Broken Heart ...

2010-10-13T23:09:00.000-07:00

Broken hearts are looming large in my life lately ... particularly my own. But not just my own ... I keep running into people who also have broken hearts. We seem to be finding each other. Perhaps they were always there, but perhaps I was unaware of their crippling pain - until I was sensitized to them, by my own pain.

It seems that for us to have compassion, we have to have empathy -- we have to feel the pain of another. And it seems that few, if any, humans get out of life without suffering.

What strikes me about hearing the stories of so many broken hearts, is that there is intense power unleashed by a heart that has been broken ... for, you see, your heart cannot be broken unless it has inordinately loved another.

And a heart that has been broken, can expand ... can be enlarged, so as to love MORE.

It's a risk we take ... that risk of love. It's an incredibly vulnerable proposition -- to put one's heart out there, and to leave it wide open ... perhaps to even be trampled by another. No risk is quite as glorious, and no pain can cut quite as deeply.

But it's true, that it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. I would so much rather suffer this pain, than to live a small, well-guarded life that has avoided the pain of heartbreak.

I finished Ken Wilber's book, "Grace and Grit" last night ... and I sobbed voraciously through the death scene ... not because of Treya's death, but because of how Ken's heart was broken by the death of his beloved.

They both knew she was dying, when she could no longer walk up the stairs (after a ten year struggle with breast cancer). She felt defeat, but he turned it into a romantic gesture -- "Come on, Gorgeous ... let me carry my Girl up the stairs."

"Honey, if it's time for you to go, then it's time for you to go. Don't worry, I'll find you. I found you before, I promise I'll find you again. So, if you want to go, don't worry. Just go."

"You promise you'll find me?"

"I promise."

It was all he could get out ... she closed her eyes, breathed her last, and he writes this:

My heart broke. This phrase kept running through my mind: 'Practice the wound of love ... practice the wound of love.' Real love hurts; real love makes you totally vulnerable and open; real love will take you far beyond yourself; and therefore real love will devastate you. I kept thinking, if love does not shatter you, you do not know love.

I thought my promise was that I would help her, whereas it was actually how she would reach and help me, again and again, and forever again, as long as it took for me to awaken, as long as it took for me to acknowledge, as long as it took for me to realize the Spirit that she had come so clearly to announce.

Out of that broke heart has come a wealth of strength ... for he was utterly transformed, by the love, and by the pain.

In working with an energy-healer, I was encouraged to "paint out my pain" ... pain about my present, about my past -- pain that was largely unacknowledged, and often discounted or dismissed ... but still very much in operation. I created a sacred space, complete with lit candles and incense ... and asked the Spirit to assist me.

I did so ... and then I also painted, intuitively, the image of my own broken heart being a catalyst for healing ... with symbols that are rich in meaning for me.

I'll dare to share those images with you here ... this is not about "artistic ability" (for I am self-taught), but about expression ...

Here's the image of the pain:

This is what I've entitled, "The Catalyst: Practice the Wound of Love" ~

And ... a couple of close-ups:

A picture speaks a thousand words ... 'nuff said.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Project Knowing Infinite Self ~ Step Three

2010-10-13T00:05:00.000-07:00

Having the Courage to Go Beyond ...

Thar y'ar ... Step Three.

Are you intrigued...? Curious? Concerned...?

Stu describes it this way: "The act of letting go and allowing your life to enter into the spontaneous dynamic of free-flow."

Or, as Abraham-Hicks would say, "To stop madly paddling upstream, to let go of the oars, and to allow your boat to turn around and go downstream."

(I'm loving how much of what I'm reading in this book both echoes and affirms what I've read via. Abraham-Hicks! There really are no accidents ... synchronicity abounds, if we'll but notice ..!)

that means less structure, more trust, believing and taking life as you find it, rather than trying to force it into a preconceived pattern and getting angry when it won't allow you to jam it into a corner in that way.

Ohhhh, not that *I've* ever done such a thing as to jam or cram ...! (envision a wide-eyed expression of feigned innocence!)

I like how Stu says this:

The ego is naturally resistant to letting go. It wants to hold on to its sense of power and to dominate your life and the lives of others. It needs to control because it feels insecure. So it may be frightening to let go, but in my view it is more frightening to stay where you are.

In the world of ego and intellect, you don't have to develop blind trust. You can hope to rely on past experience and thinking things out and, hopefully, that works for you most of the time. But as a spiritual being, trust is vital. In the dynamic, exhilarating world of the Infinite Self you're flying blind. It has no limits, so it's bound to carry you to unfamiliar ground -- and that is what makes this whole process so fascinating.

I find myself on the precipice of life ... having been shaken out of where I once was ... having been totally transformed, forever-altered ... having experienced a wild-ride (of both more joy and more pain than I knew were possible to experience) ... I now find myself asking, "what now? what's next? what's my soul's purpose?

I'm awaiting clarity ... working hard, very hard, to remove all blockages to who I am, so that clarity emerges. I'm availing myself of many reSources ... including a dynamic woman who is highly trained in energy psychology, energy medicine, energy healing ... (in fact, my desire/plan is to also be trained by her ... my heart is hugely drawn to this work) ... and I'm also going here and there as I'm led ... to connect with others who are in this radical-alternative adventure.

So, I found myself in a group of adventurous souls a few nights ago ... at a Divine Feminine circle in Portland (a dozen of us from all walks of life, of various ages - beautiful diversity, with a common vision!). We got to share our stories ... how we came to be there -- and it was *beyond* refreshing to be received without judgment ... to hear that I have a powerful story, that my journey matters. I didn't know how starved I was for such a reception ...

We were asked to participate in an exercise that involved trusting our intuition ... on one index card, we wrote out an experience, or a dream, or a realization that was meaningful to us -- and to go with what first came to mind (mine was the realization that my last birth, which was medicated, diminished both the pain and the joy ... in fact, I became aware that pain and joy are the flipsides of the same "coin" ... that pain enlarges the heart for more love and joy ... which, of course, means that I have a HUGE amount of love and joy coming my way!).

On the other index card, we were to write out our "burning question" for the Universe to answer. Mine was along the lines of, "What do I do with my life -- how do I make sense of all that's happened?" Then, we drew from the "deck" of experience cards, and one by one, we read both our question, and the given answer.

I was astonished at how very "on" each person's answer was for them! It was uncanny! My answer was in the form of a person's dream: they found themselves being chased by a wolf ... and then another, and another ... in a succession of dreams, the wolves would chase them to the edge of a cliff, and the choice was unthinkable: jump off the cliff into oblivion, or be torn apart by the wolves. Over and over, they would be attacked by the wolves, and would die. In the last dream, they were at the very edge of the cliff, and they turned and faced the wolves ... the wolves stopped, looked back at them, and then the wolves merged with them -- becoming One.

Now, admittedly, I didn't get a clear "here's what you do with your life now" sort of answer ... but I cannot describe how instrumental and meaningful wolves and cliffs are to me ... the wolf is my "power animal" ... I've owned 3 wolf-hybrids ... and there are several personal synchonicities involving wolves in my life. I've been told that I live "on the edge" of a cliff ... that I dance on the edge of a cliff ... and that part of my purpose in life is to do the unthinkable -- to jump/dive off of the cliff ... to either be caught, or to discover that I can fly ...

So, for me, the "answer" was to trust ... to continue ... and when I realize that I'm at the edge of that cliff, I can turn and face what I fear most ... and internalize that fear, even being strengthened by that fear ... then I'll know what to do with the cliff.

Back to Stu ... as he describes how the journey from ego to spirit involves resolving some universal paradoxes ...

We have to embrace infinity inside a mortal body.

We have to believe in a God/Source we cannot see.

We have to learn to love in a dimension where there is so much hatred.

We have to see abundance when people constantly talk of shortages and lack.

We have to discover freedom when control is the state religion.

We have to develop self-worth while people criticize and belittle us.

We have to see beauty where there is ugliness.

We have to embrace kindness and positive attitudes when surrounded by uncertainty.

We have to feel safe in spite of our concerns.

The crux of the matter boils down to trust. You have to have the courage to embrace an idea, accept it, and believe it -- before you have any real proof that the energy is there for you, or that the idea will work. You have to let go of that bad intellectual habit that says your ego-personality always knows best.

Trust ... in the midst of fear. Trust ... in the midst of uncertainty. Trust ... in the midst of pain. Trust ... in the midst of confusion. Trust ... in the midst of a mind that screams for self-protection, "security and safety" of the familiar.

How many gifts do we not open ... how many opportunities for joy do we reject ... how many adventures do we forsake ... all in the name of clinging to what our egoic mind (& our early conditioning) tell us will be "safer"...?

Once you see the tick-tock world for what it is, the power of the Infinite Self joins you. It teaches you, hour-by-hour, day-by-day, constantly showing you the subtle nature of things in a truly magnificent way. It brings you the people you need to be associated with. It shows you how to modify your belief patterns and which of those beliefs you need to sling off the cart forever. It assists your well-being and shows you ways to make a living that are less onerous and restrictive. The depth of its perception carries you from one stepping stone to the next.

It's a shame if you don't listen. While the ego dominates and holds on, the spirituality within you backs off and waits until you are done with the mundane logic of life. so, agreeing to listen is important; acting on what you hear is even more important.

If you don't listen, the world you create ... starts to dwindle in energy. You use up the power available to you. The energy of the place you live, your circumstances, your work, and the relationships you sustain all begin to drop to a lower level because no new energy flows in to sustain them. Gradually you become less and less secure, entering into a stagnant dead-zone which is, in effect, the external manifestation of a tired and lifeless mind. Every day there is less energy than before, less excitement, more boredom and irritation. Often this diminishing effect will be suffocating; you'll feel trapped. Life becomes a flat line.

Has anyone, besides me, experienced this pit ...? That absolutely dark and despairing place?

Agree with yourself, in a quiet moment of prayer or contemplation, that you do have the courage to be different. You will change, and you will fight the ego's lack of energy by embracing a few new ideas. You may get some flak from people around you because you want to change, but so what? In a stagnant situation, anything is better than staying where you are.

Next, have the courage to accept and weather the pain and aggravation that the ego will undoubtedly put you through as you try to disempower its government of your life. It isn't going to like what's going on. It will protest with logic and emotion and fine-sounding arguments, hoping to turn you around.

I'd add ... the courage to be vulnerable. As you change and grow, the ego will feel assailed and threatened. If you have little or no resistance, you'll be fine. If you resist and fight, it will hurt a lot. So, be courageous. Allow yourself to become vulnerable. Put aside the macho, dogmatic, insistent psychology that most people suffer from. Enter, instead into the intense spiritual beauty of moving and flowing without necessarily knowing which way to go or how you'll get there.

Believe. Believe. Believe.

There's no map from here to there ... there's only letting the boat go downstream ... accepting what comes ... honoring what comes ... appreciating all that we experience ... eagerly anticipating whatever is next ... being grateful for what is at hand.

Accept. Allow. Appreciate. Anticipate.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Project Knowing Infinite Self ~ Step Two

2010-10-12T00:05:00.000-07:00

So, did we all survive step one, knowing that we are God ...? Or are you exhausted by trying to keep the universe intact for the past 24 hours ...? ;)

Whew!

(Just let go ...)

Here we are at step two ... which is: expanding your awareness.

As you look around the planet, you notice that it's populated by all manner of people ... and most of them, while certainly seeming to be alive and awake, are actually in a surreal state between asleep and comatose.

Admittedly, our awareness of our surroundings begins with the five senses (sight/hearing/taste/smell/touch). We've got to start somewhere. But there is also a level of awareness that's more *inner* ... we have those same senses, on the inside. An extra-sensory perception.

It's in the realm of the intuition -- yeah, that very aspect of ourselves that western, highly-rationalized intellectualism seeks to discount ... if not trash.

It's the feminine aspect of ourselves ... and you know what this masculine-driven culture has done to the feminine ... perhaps become aware that your own masculine-driven intellect seeks to do the same to your own inner feminine intuition ... what you see on the outside, is just the metaphor (and the result of) what's going on on the inside ...

Linking to the concept we got yesterday, once we've internalized the God Force reality, and we realize/accept that we're part of the infinite energy that is all t hings -- we come to see that we are connected to all things. We're all part of the hologram of All That Is. Inter-connected. The illusion that we are separate is a perspective created by our finite egos ... but it's not ultimate reality. We see a 3-D world, but we really exist in a multi-dimensional universe.

This God Force exists in everything -- it IS everything. And everything, from rocks, to trees, to animals, to humans, emits a feeling.

Speak to us Stu:

You're not so much what you think, but what you feel. Realizing that everything is a feeling, you can begin to place your awareness into things, to discover how they feel... you understand that you can push your consciousness into everything and figure out how it feels. The system is not foolproof -- sometimes your subtle perceptions get cluttered with your logic -- but the more you use the muscle of your subtle perception, the more acute and sensitive it becomes... you are a magnet for energy as well as a projector of energy ... Most don't consider their thinking or their inner dialogue to be of great consequence ... but external reality instantly changes to reflect not only what you are saying and doing, but what you are thinking and feeling, silently within.

We are co-creators of our life experience ... whether consciously or unconsciously.

Consider the impact of your silent thoughts. What emotions do they create within you? When those thoughts are projected out into daily life, what effect are they having on what you see or on how life comes to you? Are those inner thoughts and feelings collapsing and destroying your life, or are they sustaining and building things up?

Next, be aware of your dialogue. Most are not really aware of how self-destructive their dialogue is. They don't see how negativity is changing their external reality to fit their mind-set and thus destroying the quality of their life. Listen to your dialogue and watch your thoughts. See how much of it is bitching and moaning and expressing weakness, and how much of it has the God Force within it, expressing hope, gratitude, love and well-being. Negativity kills you, never forget that. It's a week that eventually chokes you to death.

If you believe in disease, you will imbalance the emotions affecting your overall feeling and hasten disease within you. If you believe in lack, opportunities pass you by, money falls from your wallet, someone steals your car. Earnest Holmes said, "where your mind goes, your energy flows."

If someone asks you how you feel, don't answer, "Horrible, grim, life's a nightmare." Instead, answer "Fantastic!" It doesn't matter if your life isn't fantastic; that's only the ego's viewpoint. Spiritually, your life is fantastic. it's a great privilege to be here. I think it's important to remind yourself of that constantly.

Taking that in ... yes, I know this. Yes, I've forgotten this. Yes, I've been wallowing in negativity. Yes, I need this reminder.

Now, I NEED to be reminded of this:

When the mind offers you a negative thought say to yourself, "I don't accept that negative energy. I don't accept fear. I am love. I am positivity. Everything flows through me. Everything comes to me for my highest good.

As well as policing your thoughts and dialogue, you will want to keep an eye on the quality of your associations and actions. Stay away from people who discriminate and deprecate, or those who are involved in destructive or degrading actions. You don't need to judge them, but you don't have to be involved either.

Settle your debts, follow through on your choices, and treat people fairly.

Try this: Ask the God Force to show you something in the next 24 hours, something you have never seen before -- a perception, an intuition, a different way of looking at things that you've never seen a hundred times before.

Then watch carefully.

I feel the need to just quietly take this in ... to let myself be reminded that I am love -- that there is no place for fear in me. That love absorbs all fear ... just as light absorbs all darkness ... that I, and I alone, am responsible for my thoughts, for my feelings ... for my life.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

The Magic of Self-Love ...

2010-10-11T12:42:00.001-07:00

Bonus post!

This just came in and it begs to be shared ...! Indulge!

The Magic of Self-Love

by Aine Belton

Loving yourself is easy when you own your inherent innocence and worth and acknowledge the divinity that you are.

Your essential true self – the you beyond your personality, identity and negative beliefs, is so ineffably beautiful, loving and magnificent, when you awaken to it, self-love is inevitable.

In the light of self-love you come to realize that you are not your darkness, failings or mistakes, and that your negative self-concepts are sourced in misunderstandings about yourself and life.

To not love yourself is to be blind to your true nature and the loving nature of the universe. It is to be caught in the lies of ego and shrouding traps such as guilt, shame, undeserving and self-loathing.

“There is nothing but love, and all else is illusion.”
- Dr. John Demartini

When you awaken to your inherent nature, self-love is inevitable.

Forgiving yourself for perceived ‘wrong doings’ and ‘mistakes’ can help you let go of and release more of what you are not so you can open to and embrace more of who you are, and the love at the heart of your being.

It is easy to love what’s beautiful in you, but it’s the ugly parts that need your love the most.

To truly love yourself is to love yourself unconditionally beyond reasons why.

To love yourself because you did a good deed, got a pay rise, secured a new job, are popular, funny, attractive or wealthy, is conditional. Love yourself for who you are, your strengths and weaknesses. And love yourself because you are - that you exist.

The essence of who you are is love itself. You are born of love, returning to love.

There is nothing you need do to win that love and nothing you can do to lose it, for you are loved completely.

States of pain and constriction are symptoms that you are out of alignment with truth - the truth of who you are and the true nature of reality.

Self-love is ultimately self-knowing. It is accepting yourself compassionately in entirety and understanding that you are more than your personality and identity. You are pure spirit.

All that you desire is yours to receive. Love unlocks the door to that receiving. When you awaken to the love that you are abundance reins, and there is a renewed flow of giving and receiving between yourself, others and the universe.

In the wake of love, dreams come true. Wounds heal and the pain of separation lessens.

You become free from ego games and agendas that can otherwise thwart your growth and success and side-track you from the truth.

Fear, loss, worthlessness, loneliness and other constricting states transform in the light of love.

"There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer; no disease that enough love will not heal; no door that enough love will not open."
- Emmet Fox

When you love yourself neediness subsides and you relinquish futile attempts to ‘get love’ from ‘out there’, and the control, manipulation, dependency, sacrifice and struggle that can otherwise ensue.

The ego’s quest to earn love, and to compete, compare and prove your lovability dissolves in the nourishing repose and revitalizing wonder of self-love.

You are the one you have been waiting for; it is your love and the truth of your being that lies wait within.

If you’re not having the kinds of experiences you want in your relationships, the key is to awaken to this infinite supply within, and open to receive this limitless reservoir of self-love and universal love.

Your Higher Self, the eternal transcendent being that you really are, loves you more than you may ever now. It loves you totally and unconditionally.

[To connect to your Higher Self, go HERE.]

The cliché ‘No one can love you until you love yourself’, is true in that, until you love yourself you will not be able to wholeheartedly receive love from others. You may be blind or blinkered to that love. You may deny, discount or avoid it. You may be cynical and doubt it. You may push it away or sabotage it. You may feel you do not deserve it. You may even fail to attract it due to blocks around your lovability and corresponding limiting self-beliefs.

In loving yourself you fill up with nectar from within and can radiate and share that sweetness with others and the world. The wondrous vibration of love will exude and attract happy, harmonious, beautiful realities in line with your heart’s desires.

You are source, not subject, of your world.

When you love yourself, the world will love you back.

You judge others less as you judge yourself less. Compassion is a natural by-product of self-love.

In loving yourself you are more connected to your Higher Self – the vast being that you are - and are more open, trusting, loving and happy.

You become less self-conscious and more spontaneous, less self-absorbed and more giving, less of a victim and more of a leader, contributor and inspiration to others.

Your life is graced with flow.

Problems and struggle lessen and ease.

You stop fighting yourself and others and start joining, giving forth, celebrating and having fun!

You revel in the wonder of who you are, the love of the universe, and the love the universe has for you.

Practical ways to love yourself!

There are, of course, infinite ways to love and to care for yourself. The possibilities are endless, and will depend on what is most appropriate for you at a given time, what brings you greatest joy, and what honours and fulfulls your heart’s wishes and soul’s purpose.

You already do love yourself, likely more than you are aware, yet if self-love feels new to you and you want to experience and develop more of it, there’s no shame in what may initially feel like ‘faking it till you make it’.

When you start to act more loving to yourself you will ignite a renewed relationship with yourself and step onto a path to a blossom-rich horizon. You will also reprogram your subconscious mind with a new way of being and relating with yourself.

Loving yourself may involve pampering and treating yourself in luxurious ways, yet it may also include less glamorous endeavours, for self-love is about doing what most serves you and your soul at a given time, and honouring and respecting yourself accordingly.

Loving yourself could be:

~Cleaning your home, organising papers and accounts, eating healthy food, paying bills, clearing debts, etc.

~Ending sabotaging patterns, habits or addictions.

~Seeking the help, healing and support that will help you make the transition to a brighter future.

~Setting new inspiring and enlivening goals, raising your standards and reaching for more.

~No longer sacrificing to please others.

~Being honest and intimate with yourself and others.

~No longer settling for less and setting respecting boundaries.

~Living somewhere that you truly love, or transforming, decorating or renovating your existing home to surround yourself with an environment that is beautiful, meaningful and heart-warming.

~Nourishing and caring for your body, such as eating healthy food and exercising regularly. You might join a gym, get a personal trainer, or begin fun healthy activities like salsa, yoga, or a new sport or activity like hiking or running.

~Doing 'nothing' and spending time relaxing, reflecting, de-stressing or simply ‘being’.

~Treating yourself to the pleasures of massage, a facial, pedicure, beauty treatments or a new hair-do.

~Buying new clothes that reflect your truer self.

~Taking up or renewing a creative hobby or passion, be that singing, writing, walking, painting, sailing, or photography, for example.

~Listening to and honouring your feelings.

~Going on weekends away, short breaks and holidays to inject greater fun, happiness and adventure into your life.

~Being in touch with friends and loved ones, and expressing the love you have for them, which will be nourishing not just to them, but to you as well.

~Speaking kindly to yourself, seeing your value and goodness, affirming your positives and being grateful to yourself.

~Having a night out on the town: going out for a fabulous dinner, dancing, to the movies or theatre, whether alone, with a friend a friend, or romantic partner.

~Meditating.

~Being true to yourself, upholding principles and standing your ground if required.

~If you tend to save or hoard money, it could be having a care-free ‘splurge’.

~Treating yourself does not need to be a great expense, however, and can be having breakfast in the garden on a sunny morning, taking a walk in the afternoon, having a bubble bath, a candlelight dinner in, going for a swim or watching the sunset.

~Spending time in nature to bask in its beauty and grace. We all have favourite nature spots. For some it is the ocean side, for others the beauty of a spring meadow, for some it is to walk down country lanes, or enter a forest or grove. Perhaps you love riversides or waterfalls, or wide vistas and open landscapes with far reaching views, or hill tops and mountains.

~Appreciating yourself for all your gifts, qualities, strengths and achievements, and having compassion and love for any perceived 'ugly sides', weaknesses, stresses, trials and tribulations.

~Forgiving yourself for all 'mistakes' the lost or wounded you may have made, and letting go of negative self-concepts and beliefs.

"All my limitations are self-imposed and my liberation can only come from true self-love."

- Max C. Robinson

Breathing it all in ...

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Project Knowing Infinite Self: Step One

2010-10-11T00:05:00.000-07:00

So here we are ... on the first step, on the first day, of a 33-day exploration of discovering the Infinite Self ...!

Wheeeeee..!

We're going to plunge right in with the very most important concept to grasp (are you ready?!?): "I am God."

Ok, not that I, Dena, in and of myself, are God. Really, I'm not trying to start a new religion, or gather disciples, inspire worship, nor inflate my ego (honestly, I do not look good in funny hats).

But, before we go any further, it's imperative that we accept the notion of the God Force, the very nature/essence/energy of God is within us ... comprises us ... IS us.

God is in us, as us.

Most folks either discount the notion of God, or else externalize God -- as a separate being out there, somewhere. Once we internalize this reality, this force, this energy, then it's no longer a vague concept, but an actuality ... we can begin to feel this very energy. And it can (& will) transform us.

Here's what Stu has to say:

There is a guided method to this journey of ours; it's not as haphazard as most think. I believe that the infinite you, that higher energy dwelling inside your being, had a vision of what it was going to be getting into in this lifetime. I don't believe that you came here by accident - that you suddenly plopped into a little diaper and thought, What the hell am I doing here? I believe that your evolution here on the earth plane is so powerful, so sacred, so spiritually dynamic and special, that the infinity within you had an overview... the infinity within you had a perception prior to your birth.

So, our first step is to embrace/accept the concept of I am God.

This is not as egotistical as it may first appear ... so hold on. Stay with me. This is not about showing off, or worshipping our egos. This is the humble realization and acceptance that the God Force is all there is ... that everything and everyone is imbued with sacredness ... with divine energy ... that there is nothing else BUT this divine energy, comprising all things.

Honestly, it would be a wee bit egotistical to insist that you are exempt from this equation ... that you are somehow "other."

Sure, internalization of the God Force can feel awkward -- for those who have no concept of God, and for those taught to project God "out there/separate". But, if you happen to have a concept of God outside of yourself, then just choose to mentally bring God home -- back into you. It's not that God ever "left" ... or was elsewhere. It's just that you need to perceive what IS.

The next thing to do, once we've internalized God, is to respect our current evolution. Meaning: accept where you now find yourself. (I know, I know ... very tough to do when your life-circumstances are less than you desire them to be ... I know!). When we fight against, or complain about, our circumstances ... not only is it a waste of energy, and disrespectful to the spiritual self, but it actually creates *more of the same* ... for what we resist persists ... and what we focus on, we attract.

So, the effective/cooperative thing to do is to accept what is ... bearing in mind (paradoxically, it seems) that almost anything can be improved, and that things do change -- this is not a static universe -- and that we are co-creators.

Try saying this to yourself (& yeah, fake it if you have to, at first):

The infinity inside me -- that part of me that is God -- loves and respects this human evolution of mine. It loves and respects where I find myself and my current circumstances, so I will do the same -- even though the circumstances of my life right now may be less than best. All these things are a part of my evolution. I can transcend them and go beyond them.

The trick is to step back from the ego's perspective (usually of lack, fear, separation), and to instead choose to see life from a more infinite view -- it's detachment. Not detachment from life, but detachment from the ego's view of life. In this very simple-yet-courageous choice of acceptance, we begin an instantaneous healing process.

(collective sigh of relief ...)

Circumstances that we find ourselves in are neither good nor bad -- they just ARE. It's part of our evolution, our soul's purpose ... our learning experience, our challenge ... it's what we signed up for, folks (& also what we have attracted to ourselves) ..! :)

Back to Stu:

The concept of I Am God says, "I am eternal. I am beyond the definitions of the ego. I am beyond death. So, therefore, I will gradually go beyond fear. Fear is a disease of the ego. Negative energy and what we consider unpleasant experiences are just contradictions of the ego's opinion."

There is a great spiritual maturity in accepting where we are, who we are, what we are.

And ... we also have to accept that it is WE who create the major part of what we experience as reality ... (as well as part of our destiny). We are here to be co-creators ... and we are doing so all the time ... with our beliefs (known or unknown), our thoughts, and our emotions ... (POWERful sources of energy!) ... we do so either unconsciously or consciously -- our choice.

I want to continue on this path of discovery ... I want to discover what's unconsciously in the way of me being, and experiencing, my Infinite Self ... onward!

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Project Knowing Infinite Self: Preamble

2010-10-10T15:15:00.000-07:00

A bit of preamble first ...

Since much of this is derived from the Tao de Ching, let's get on the same page about this ancient and profound writing ...

First, Tao is pronounced "Dow" (yeah, like Dow-Jones) ... so don't make yourself appear to be all ignorant, and stick a "T" in there. And don't ask me why the English translators didn't just spell it "Dow" or even "Dao." I know not these things. It's a cosmic mystery, like why we have an appendix, or why we park on a driveway, and drive on a parkway ...

The Tao de Ching (loose translation: The Book of the Way) was written in about 500 BC, in China ... by Lao Tzu (which just means "old man" ... so whether there was a real dude named "Old Man" by his parents, or whether it's a compilation by several old dudes, or whether it's merely metaphorical, nobody knows -- add it to the aforementioned mysteries, shrug, and move on).

The Tao is not a religion -- it's a spiritual/philosophical idea -- rather than delivering dogma, rules, regulations (envision me spitting out dog-germs), it offers suggestions for a more enlightened and fulfilling life. To give you a bit of it's flavor, here are the opening lines (& here's the rest, for those who want to dive in):

The tao that can be told
is not the eternal Tao
The name that can be named
is not the eternal Name.

The unnamable is the eternally real.
Naming is the origin
of all particular things.

Free from desire, you realize the mystery.
Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations.

Yet mystery and manifestations
arise from the same source.
This source is called darkness.

Darkness within darkness.
The gateway to all understanding.
...

According to an unnamed, yet venerated, teacher of Stuart Wilde's (whom he refers to as "Boogaloo" - ha!), one cannot really comprehend the Tao, or the Infinite Self intellectually -- it's beyond the mind. The only way to comprehend it is through "heightened awareness and feeling."

Not the mind, but the heart. Not the intelligence, but intuition. There it is again.

Here's how Stu puts it (if he can call his venerated teacher "Boogaloo", I can call him "Stu"):

To really comprehend it, as well as the angelic nature of your journey, you first have to release from the ego's somewhat tight, limited perception and accept your true spiritual power. When you are ready to release and detach and let go, you gain everything.

(I find myself hearing the deeper-and-truer-for-me meaning of the words, "seek first the Kingdom, and all other things will be given to you.")

Pausing. Breathing. Pondering. Digesting. On a whole new level.

Pain does that, y'know ... it gets your attention and increases your capacity to receive ... it's a catalyst for growth (& really, who would bother to grow/change unless something hurt?), out of the sheer desperation for relief ... so here I am, brought to a place of recognizing my absolute need for reception of that which is deeper ...

Spiritual growth is neither convenient, nor comfortable. It's neither fun, nor easy to discard most (often all) of one's previously-conditioned-and-clung-to beliefs and - we tend to hold such things as "sacred" -- and we will defend them to the nth degree -- attacking/maligning/rejecting anyone who threatens them (which can be done merely from the suggestion to *look* at them). We will thus ally with our own enslavement to what limits us -- those false core beliefs. But we cannot get to the Infinite Self without returning back to those old roots -- those memories and experiences (remembered or not, in which we formed those limiting beliefs) that continue to limit and condition us into Who We Are NOT.

Looking deeply at ourselves is uncomfortable -- no, make that painful. Even terrifying. Most of us will go to inordinate lengths to ensure that we never do so. Most of us would rather limp through life, coping with what is crippling (but oh-so-familiar), than to do the courageous and challenging and liberating work of self-examination. And it's not a one-time endeavor, either. It's a way of life.

Here's how Stu puts it:

It's difficult to learn to control the ego and discipline the mind without it reacting. However, it's a vital part of the journey, and you have to raise your energy gradually, over a period of time ... energy seeks its own level. Even though something or someone can inspire you or teach you, in the end the only way you will sustain a higher energy is to create it for yourself.

In the laws of physics, a subatomic particle can borrow energy for a millisecond, moving to a faster orbit around a nucleus. However, the particle can't keep that borrowed energy indefinitely. So whatever energy is borrowed in this second has to be paid back a second later, and the particle returns to where it is comfortable, at the energy level it had before.

Spiritual growth follows the same rules. You can be inspired by a hymn, by a fantastic sermon, words out of a book; but you can only borrow that inspiration. In the end, raising your energy involves discipline, which means working on yourself. There is no particular time when you can say, "I've done it, I've finished." Embracing the Infinite Self is a perpetual process, unfolding within you forever and ever.

As a man thinks in his heart, so is he ...

Whatsoever you sow, you shall reap ...

Take every thought captive ...

Yeah ... examining our feelings, our thoughts ... tracing them back to their origins ... discovering whether that is our own belief, or that of another ... choosing how to then create our own reality ... yeah, that takes some intentionality ... some discipline ... some conscious participation.

I see that I am responsible for my life ... I chose it, I'm living it, and I'm co-creating it. It's happening, whether I realize it or not ... may as well get conscious about it!

I'd like to get out of my own way, to discover my Infinite Self, and to live from there.

I have to ... the alternative is unacceptable.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Wanna Explore with Me?!?

2010-10-10T00:05:00.000-07:00

If there's ANYthing I've been learning from the messages-of-my-life lately, it's that I need to take an inner journey ... I need to discover Who I Really Am ...

Not in mere concept.

Not from what others tell me.

Not even from what others experience.

This is something I need to experience for myself.

I need to meet mySelf, know mySelf, become intimate with mySelf, and love mySelf.

Without that, I have little of value to give to anyone else ... for mySelf is being hidden beneath the fears I harbor ... under all the unquestioned core beliefs I unknowingly cherish and protect ... and while mySelf can, and does, come through, it cannot do so freely and fully, until I've reclaimed my own inner identity and power.

Now, it's one thing to know this ... it's quite another thing to get from HERE to THERE.

So, I put it out there to the Universe, kinda-sorta like this, "Ok, all y'all ... Cosmic Dudes and Dudettes ... Angels, Guides, God/Goddess ... All That Is ... Source of All ... You know Who you are. I need your help. Big time. I need some serious guidance, clarity, and most especially ... to know who I am, why I'm here ... what is my soul's purpose. I really want to make the most of this life ... and I need help. Please. Please-please-please. Oh, and some signs along the way, for encouragement and direction -- well, that would be nice, too. Thanks."

It's especially effective if such a request is made in the shower. A long, hot shower. Complete with honest, heart-sourced tears and hollering. But no candles.

Fast-forward to one of the many nights I was making a solo-drive from Portland, OR, back to where I live ... (Portland is where the action is, and I'm frequently up there for various spiritual and/or artistic adventures). It was a gorgeous night ... the sunset was particularly spectacular (sky-blue-pink, with orangey-streaks, and Venus making her debut over the coastal mountain range) ... and the full Harvest moon was nearly hoarding up the entire Eastern sky (all of this gandering was causing meandering while driving!) ... and I happened to stumble upon a little radio station being broadcast out of Nevada ... could hardly pick it up. But I heard a man talking about all manner of spiritual changes that were happening in our world, at this time ... and he mentioned a book of his, "Infinite Self" ... a self-guided discovery of getting to know your True Self. So my ears perked up (every time I hear that phrase, I think of Vulcans, but never mind), and I tuned in ...

Arriving back at my computer, I searched for the book, found it (at a vast discount - *score*!), and through the magic of cyberspace, got it mailed to me ... it was delivered in two days, voila!

As is usual, I currently have close to a dozen books that I'm reading, dabbling in, thumbing through, and/or waiting to get to. But, by the time I had read the intro and first chapter, I knew that not only did I need to read this one NOW, but that I wanted to share it HERE ... it always helps me to digest new information by not only reading about it, but also writing about it ... and it may spark something in someone else, too ... bonus.

But, just so y'know ... this is really for Me. :)

The author is Stuart Wilde ... a British, brilliant, irreverent sort of guy (brilliant and irreverent always-and-forever being irresistible to me!) ... who manages to take the ancient and deep wisdom of the Tao de Ching (specifically the "33 Energies of Man"), and bring it down to the earthly plane ... where, I notice, most of us currently live.

Here's his goal:

The point of trying to attain a higher spiritual energy of this sort is so that it can set you free, and liberate you from emotional disquiet -- and so you can teach it to your brothers and sisters and set them free... I like energies that are "down here," that help you transcend ordinary things, such as your loopy mother-in-law who's driving your crackers. That's the kind of user-friendly mysticism I like... if you can get to the end of the 33 steps, and if you follow through with action, it will raise your energy, give you awareness, and set you free. Eventually you pass through a doorway to straddle two worlds: this one and another more spiritual, infinite world that is in an evolution alongside ours.

I like that -- straddling two worlds. Yes, I want more awareness, but not for the purpose that I can then float nebulously in the air. I figure we're here on purpose -- that matter matters ... that we're here to enjoy relationships, to learn, to co-create. To be HAPPY.

And the primary relationship, as I keep re-learning ... is with the Self. The True Self. I'm willing to take the next 33 days of delving into this, and doing the suggested actions, as a sort of experiment -- will I be more aware of my own Infinite Self, of my true identity, of my inner power, 33 days from now?

Anyone else wanna explore this with me...? Chime in!

Here's what Stuart says:

Of course you have to have the desire to change and grow. That desire often starts out from a negative place -- as dissatisfaction with your current circumstances or the people around you. You ache for an opportunity to slip away to something new.

Sometimes the great and wonderful goodness that is the invisible universe around us helps us by delivering a sudden change, one that marks a special turning point in our lives ... something different happens that sends your story into another direction. When the current energy of your life gets stale and used up, the emotions, feelings and discontent from deep within create for you a "plot point" [when everything changes -- this is orchestrated by your Infinite Self]. It often has spiritual or physical implications.

Maybe you get sick ... for others, their plot point is whacking a tree -- that usually turns 'em around. Or there's a divorce, a death in the family, a bankruptcy, or something weird happens ... the kind of action that will turn a mundane life into a sacred quest... Sometimes we generate "accidents" in order to escape from an impossible situation, thereby generating the change we need; and sometimes we create "accidents" from a lack of balance when we are deep in the grip of the ego. So, you shouldn't get emotionally upset. We are all infinite. And all events - positive or negative - are just part of our journey from ego to spirit. Some just take a shortcut.

If there's a shortcut to be had, I'm in!

I'll launch into Day One tomorrow ... anybody gonna play with me...?

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Fade ...

2010-10-09T11:56:00.001-07:00

This song speaks to me on so very many levels ... I hear it expressed by my heart ... I hear it also as the Voice of my Soul, my True Self (that which is One with the Divine) speaking to me ... I just hear it ... and I respond.

Yes.

Very yes.

So be it.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Lyrics:
When you walk out of my light, the colour fades, the colour fades.
When you lose your way and walk alone, the colour fades and runs
Like tears down my face.

I can give you life. I can give you hope. I can give your heart the love its looking for.
Give you feeling, I can bring you joy. I can make you who you are. Who you are.

When you walk a rugged road, your heart is heavy. Darker than the evening sky.
When the path is sinking sand, I am reaching out to pull you through to higher land.

The colour fades when you walk out of my light.
The colour fades when you choose to walk alone.
The colour fades when your path is sinking sand.

Keep going, keep going, keep going ...!

2010-10-08T00:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Persistent Girl....

There really is something you were born to do...just you. There is a plan for your life, there is a mission you were created to accomplish and there is a life that is meant JUST for you.

You were not born randomly...you were not an accident, and you are not a number.

Keep holding on. Stay with it. There is so much learning that takes place...so much training, so much boot camp that is so necessary before it all unfolds. Have patience and keep listening to your heart.

You were born for something great and unforgettable. You were born to do things that would never ever be done if you did not do them.

Keep going, keep going, keep going.

You are so loved.

xoxo

[messages from the Brave Girls Club]

Oooooookay ... I can keep going. I can hang on. I can have patience (or develop it!). I can trust in the Bigger Plan. I can choose to see the Bigger Picture. I can Stay With It. I can let it all unfold. I can. I can. I can. I CAN!

Because, really ... what are the options, otherwise...?

I'm not sure I was equipped with a quitting gene ...

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

P.S. Yeah ... I know, I have to keep believing in that "great and unforgettable" part, too...

Listen to the "Right" Voices ...

2010-10-07T00:05:00.000-07:00

Got another lovely message in my in-box today ... sounds like somebody loves me...!

Dear Lovely Girl,

It is so important to listen to the right voices. Many times, we must tune out almost every voice around us to be able to focus on what is true for our own lives.

Please don't give any heed at all to the useless opinions of others, beautiful friend. Act for yourself. Face your own truths...then act on your own truths.

Turn off the confusing lies, tune them out...plug your ears when there are annoying, loud, negative voices that have no business giving you opinions about your own life.

You know SO much more than you think you know. Your inner compass will guide you. Those feelings in your gut are your deepest wisdom. Be brave and tune out all of the voices, except the voices that are speaking your truth.

You are courageous and amazing....and oh so loved.

xoxo

Basking and soaking in THAT one ...! :)

Shalom & Namaste,
Dena

P.S. Yeah, all y'all can borrow it ... if you're a man, just apply it to your inner-anima (feminine side) ... or squint, or alter the words ...! Don't miss the message!

Disturbing or Disturbed ...

2010-10-06T00:05:00.000-07:00

*"I believe that the individual of the future, like the individual today, faces the lonely task of transforming herself with or without the agreement and understanding of those around her. She needs only to know transforming herself means coming up against internalized cultural edges (beliefs that are not hers in origin). If this is to occur, she will have to disturb the status quo of the world around her as well."*
- Arnold Mindell

I've lived this all my life ... even while *trying* (desperately!) to fit in.

I'm living this now ... as my life-choices have demonstrated.

AND, I'm seeking profound clarity, with everything in me, with single-minded focus ... in order to know how to navigate my life ... trusting, that as I clear away the things that are "not me" -- (those false core beliefs that I've accumulated, and even carried for a lifetime) -- the truth of Who I Really Am, and Why I Am Here ... and my soul's purpose, will be astonishingly revealed, and that I will have the courage to live it out ... here and now ... regardless of (dis)agreement and/or (mis)understanding that may arise.

I'd rather be aligned/fulfilled and disturbing ... than to be compliant/unfulfilled and disturbed.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Something ELSE That Made Me Cry ...!

2010-10-05T00:05:00.000-07:00

(Sheesh ... I never used to cry ... and now I can't stop ...!)

(Taking this in, taking this in ... daring to believe - DARING! - that THE STORY of my life is not-yet-written ... that I've only experienced the preamble ... that I will not be forever-framed in by pain ... that grief will not always be the background music of my life ... YES I AM DARING TO BELIEVE THIS!!!)

Dear Patient Girl,

There will come a time when you can't really even remember why or how you were so hurt and devastated. It will even become difficult to try to recreate the memories and the pain of the memories. Someday you will feel complete healing.

Suddenly, the parts of your life that used to hurt so much will simply be short chapters in your rich life story. Where once you thought that devastating experiences were THE STORY of your life, you will see that they were actually only just the set-up and the build-up and the lead-in of the real story.

There will come a time when your hurts no longer define you are consume you....when they are just sprinklings of the big picture, the big story of your big life. There will even come a time when you will see how necessary those parts were to your story....that nothing else could have made sense without them.

You will see....be patient with it all. Every good story has opposition...tragedy......and the overcoming of it all.....YOUR STORY is a beautiful big rich story....embrace all of the parts of it and see them in their proper perspective.

You are the brave heroine. You are the main character. You have such a beautiful, beautiful story and there are so many incredible chapters still to come..........

Keep being brave. You are so loved.
xoxo

Crying, but lifting my eyes ...

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Rethinking Love ... Part II

2010-10-04T00:05:00.000-07:00

Sharing this is part of my own life's healing journey ... hopefully something here will be of use to someone else ... but in the name of being selfish, in the name of loving myself ... I am doing this for ME.

But ... I can't help but share ...! :)

More, from Osho:

Love is painful because it creates the way for bliss. Love is painful because it transforms; love is mutation. Each transformation is going to be painful because the old has to be left for the new. The old is familiar, secure, safe, the new is absolutely unknown. You will be moving in an uncharted ocean. You cannot use your mind with the new; with the old, the mind is skillful. The mind can function only with the old; with the new, the mind is utterly useless.

Hence, fear arises. And leaving the old, comfortable, safe world, the world of convenience, pain arises. It is the same pain that the child feels when he comes out of the womb of the mother ... the fear of the unknown, and the security of the known, the insecurity of the unknown, the unpredictability of the unknown makes one very much frightened.

Agony is very deep. But you cannot have ecstasy without going through agony. If the gold wants to be purified, it has to pass through fire.

Love is fire.

It is because of the pain of love that millions of people live a loveless life. They, too, suffer, and their suffering is futile. To suffer in love is not to suffer in vain. To suffer in love is creative; it takes you to higher levels of consciousness. To suffer without love is utterly a waste; it leads you nowhere, it keeps you moving in the same vicious circle.

The man who is without love is narcissistic, he is closed. He knows only himself. And how much can he know himself if he has not known the other? Because only the other can function as a mirror. You will never know yourself without knowing the other. Love is very fundamental for self-knowledge, too. The person who has not known the other in deep love, in intense passion, in utter ecstasy, will not be able to know who he is, because he will not have the mirror to see his own reflection.

Relationship is a mirror, and the purer the love is, the higher the love is, the better the mirror, the cleaner the mirror. But the higher love needs you to be open. The higher love needs you to be vulnerable. You have to drop your armor; that is painful. You have not to be constantly on guard. You have to drop the calculating mind. You have to risk. You have to live dangerously. The other can hurt you; that is the fear in being vulnerable. The other can reject you, that is the fear in being in love. But by avoiding the situation, you are not going to grow, either. The challenge has to be taken.

One has to go into love.

Love is an open sky. to be in love is to be on the wing. But certainly, the unbounded sky creates fear.

When love knocks on the door, all that is needed to fall in love is to put aside the ego.

Love gives you the first experience of being in tune with something that is not your ego. Love gives you the first lesson that you can fall into harmony with someone who has never been part of your ego. If you can be in harmony with a woman, if you ca be in harmony with a man, with a friend, then you can be in harmony with all other human beings.

Love is a ladder. It starts with one person, and ends with the totality. To be afraid of love, to be afraid of the growing pains of love, is to remain enclosed in a dark cell. There are problems that are creative because they lead you to a higher awareness. There are problems that lead you nowhere; they simply keep you tethered, they simply keep you in your old mess. Love creates problems. You can avoid these problems by avoiding love -- but those are very essential problems! They have to be faced, encountered; they have to be lived and gone through and gone beyond. And to go beyond, the way is through. Love is the only real thing worth doing. All else is secondary. If it helps love, it is good. All else is just a means, love is the end. So, whatsoever the pain, go into love.

I am in the very thick of this ... I am willing to learn all I need, to truly comprehend this, to truly be transformed by this ... to truly LIVE this...!

It's all I can do ... I can do nothing else, nothing less ... for I have been rendered undone.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Rethinking Love ... Part I

2010-10-03T00:05:00.000-07:00

From the Book of Mirdad:

... Man made prisoner by the love of a woman, and woman made prisoner by the love of a man, are equally unfit for freedom's precious crown... but man and woman made as one by love, inseparable, indistinguishable, are verily entitled to the prize.

What have we done, in our society, in our culture, in our religions, to destroy the very nature of love...?

From Osho:

Why do you cling to something? Because you are afraid you will lose it.. Perhaps someone may steal it. Your fear is that what is available t you today may not be available to you tomorrow... you may become closer, you may become distant. You may become again strangers or you may become so one with each other that even to say that you are two will not be right; of course there are two bodies, but the heart is one, and the song of the heart is one, and the ecstasy surrounds you both like a cloud. You disappear in that ecstasy: You are not you, I am not I. Love becomes so total, love is so great and overwhelming, that you cannot remain yourself; you have to drown yourself and disappear.

In that disappearance who is going to be attached, and to whom?

Everything is. When love blossoms in its totality, everything simply is. The fear of tomorrow does not arise; hence there is no question of attachment, clinging, marriage, of any kind of contract, bondage.

What are your marriages except business contracts? "We commit to each other before a magistrate" -- you are insulting love! You are following law, which is the lowest thing in existence, and the ugliest.

Law is for those who do not know how to love.

The moment love becomes attachment, love becomes a relationship. The moment love becomes demanding, it is a prison. In fact, you may have become so much accustomed to the prison that you cannot leave the prison. It is a kind of safety; it is cozy, although miserable.

Love has to be of the quality that gives freedom, not new chains for you; a love that gives you wings and supports you to fly as high as possible.

If you can conceive love as your real being, and loving another person as a deep friendship, as a dance of two hearts together with great synchronicity that they become almost one, you don't need any other spirituality. You have found it.

No comments from me at this point ... I want to just sit in this .. digest this ... ruminate on this ...

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

The Virtue of Selfishness ...

2010-10-02T00:05:00.000-07:00

Y'know, if I had a dollar for every time I've been accused of being selfish ... well, I wouldn't have to worry about money ...!

I remember, when I was a very small child (I have memories that go back to my first birthday), when someone told me I was being selfish ... my thought was, "well, of course I'm selfish -- aren't I supposed to be?"

Honestly, it seemed so very self-evident to me then ... and now, I've come full circle. Imagine my delight, to read this, written by Osho:

Only a very deeply selfish person can be unselfish. But this has to be understood because it looks like a paradox.

What is the meaning of being selfish? the first basic thing is to be self-centered. The second basic thing is always to look for one's blissfulness. If you are self-centered, you will be selfish whatsoever you do. You may go and serve people but you will do it only because you enjoy it, because you love doing it,you feel happy and blissful doing it -- you feel yourself doing it. You are not doing any duty; you are no serving humanity. You are not a great martyr; you are not sacrificing. These are all nonsensical terms. You are simply being happy in your own way -- it feels good to you. You go to the hospital and serve the ill people there, or you go to the poor and serve them, but yo love it. It is how you grow. Deep down you feel blissful and silent, happy about yourself.

A self-centered person is always seeking his happiness. and this is the beauty of it, that the more you seek your happiness the more you will help others to be happy.

You have to create the atmosphere of happiness around you. Blissfulness is as infectious as any disease ... if in the world everybody is taught to be selfish, the whole world will be happy. There will be no possibility for misery.

YES! This rings so true for me, and matches my experience! Duty does not bring happiness ... it only makes the dutiful feel smugly superior and self-righteous, for having done "the right thing"...! Selfishness ... loving one's self first and foremost ... making bliss a priority ... THAT is what makes people happy, and becomes both a contagious element, AND gives others permission to pursue happiness, too...!

When you have happiness you can share it; when you you don't have it, how can you share it? To share, in the first place one must have it. An unselfish person is always serious, deep down ill, in anguish. He has missed his own life. Misery is destructive; happiness is creative.

You are just here for a few years to BE. Enjoy, delight, be happy, dance, and love; and out of your love and dancing, out of your deep selfishness will start an overflowing of energy. You will be able to share with others.

Love, I say, is one of the most selfish things.

I want to giggle with delight ... at the wonderful truthful-absurdity of this ... and the sheer astonishment that we have been DUPED yet-again ... but that we don't have to remain in our shackles of duped-ness ...!

How fun to discover that it's all been topsy-turvy, upside-down, and inside-out ... and that we can learn to live, really live, once we see that the apparent paradoxes are true ...!

Yeah, go for it -- be selfish, be happy, be radically loving...!

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Love, Freedom, Aloneness ...

2010-10-01T00:05:00.000-07:00

I'm a big believer in receiving truth from whatever reSource we encounter ... that nothing is an accident ... that everything matters ... that everything we experience is a clue ... that each person we meet is a teacher (or reminder of what we've forgotten ...!).

Of course, I often, sometimes seemingly *always*, have to remind myself that I believe this ...! ;)

All too often, I'm prone to discount a deep and profound truth-message, because I don't like the packaging ... it's either unfamiliar, or uncomfortable, or too-close-to-home, or painful ... or even frightening. Or, perhaps I have judged the messenger-container as "bad" or "wrong" or "not for me."

I guess I'm coming to the place where I figure, hey, if I'm experiencing/receiving/encountering this thing ... it must be for me, for NOW. So ... what do I need to receive from it?

Not easy, not always fun ... sometimes downright excruciating. But ... still good.

One of the messenger-containers that I formerly judged ... but from which I have continuously received much truth, is Osho. Yeah, yeah, I know ... I've heard all the dire reports, the scandalous rumors, and the various ridicules that have followed him like a plague (& certainly I know, first-hand, what it's like to be judged on the basis of what others say about me). But -- I know this, when I allow myself to actually read what he's written, for myself ... I find that much resonates. And, so it has been in reading his book entitled, "Love, Freedom, Aloneness: The Koan of Relationships."

Without further ado, and with no particular order, I'll share some passages with which I deeply resonated ... do with it what you will. Let it speak to you ... let it touch you ... let it perhaps cause you to think, or re-think ...

Socrates: A man who practices the mysteries of love will be in contact not with a reflection, but with truth itself. To know this blessing of human nature, one can find no better helper than love.

[The rest of the quotes are from Osho]

Search into, meditate on love, experiment. Love is the greatest experiment n life, and those who olive without experimenting with love energy will never know what life is. They will only remain on the surface without getting into the depth of it.

I can drop the word God very easily -- there is no problem -- but I cannot drop the word love. If I have to choose between the words love and God, I will choose love; I will forget all about God, because those who know love are bound to know God. But it is not vice versa: Those who think about God and philosophize about God may never know about love -- and will never know about God, either.

Love yourself.

Just the opposite has been taught to you by all the traditions of the world -- all of the civilizations, all the cultures, all the churches. They say: Love others, don't love yourself. And there is a certain cunning strategy behind their teaching ... no state, no church, no vested interest has ever wanted people to have strong souls, because a person with spiritual energy is bound to be rebellious ...

Love makes you rebellious, revolutionary. Love gives you wings to soar high. Love gives you insight into things, so that nobody can deceive you, exploit you, oppress you.

but ... if a man cannot love himself, he cannot love anybody else, either... it is by loving other without loving yourself, trying to love others, that the ego arises.

I know ... totally contrary to what most of us have been taught ... and yet ... it rings true in this heart, to this soul.

There is much that we call "love," which is nothing more than mere duty ...

It may be duty, but not love -- and duty is a four-letter dirty word. Love knows nothing of duty. Duty is a burden, a formality. Love is a joy, a sharing; love is informal. The lover never feels that he has done enough; the lover always feels that more was possible. The lover never feels, "I have obliged the other." On the contrary, he feels, "Because my love has been received, I am obliged. The other has obliged me by receiving my gift, by not rejecting it."

You have been made afraid of ever being in love with yourself -- which is the first step of love, and the first experience. A man who loves himself respects himself. and a man who loves and respects himself respects others, too.

If you live love, you have to share it. You cannot go on loving yourself forever, because one thing will become absolutely clear to you: that if loving one person, yourself, is so tremendously ecstatic and beautiful, how much more ecstasy is waiting for you if you start sharing your love with another!

Don't condemn yourself. You have been condemned so much, and you have accepted all that condemnation. Now you go on doing harm to yourself. Nobody thinks himself worthy enough, nobody thinks himself a beautiful creation of God; nobody thinks that he is needed at all. These are poisonous ideas, but you have been poisoned ... this has been your whole past.

Don't be afraid of loving yourself. Love totally and you will be surprised. The day you can get rid of all self-condemnation, self-disrespect -- the day you can get rid of the idea of original sin, the day you can think of yourself as worthy and loved by existence -- will be a day of great blessing. From that day onward you will start seeing people in their true light, and you will have compassion. And it will not be a cultivated compassion; it will be a natural, spontaneous flow.

Basking in the delight of KNOWing that this is truth...!

Ohhhhhh, I am choosing to allow this to transform me, from the inside out ... yes, I'm choosing to love myself. AS I am, right here and now, imperfections-galore ...

Feeling led to share, tomorrow, on the virtues of "selfishness"...! :)

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Law of Attraction - Throughout History

2010-09-30T00:05:00.000-07:00

Law of Attraction is Universal, and every person is affected by it. And it is always true that what I think and what I feel and what I get are always a match, and there is not a person on the planet that did not know that when they were born, and there is not a person on the planet that would not benefit by knowing it. But many, many, many are not yet asking and therefore are not yet ready for the answer. And so, we would say that -- although everyone wants this information -- everyone is not necessarily ready for it. We would not spend any time trying to convince anybody of anything because if they're not asking, your answers are just irritating.

--- Abraham

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Andrew Carnegie

I am no longer cursed by poverty because I took possession of my own mind, and that mind has yielded me every material thing I want, and much more than I need. But this power of mind is a universal one, available to the humblest person as it is to the greatest.

Henry Ford

Whether you think you can or can't either way you are right.

Alexander Graham Bell

What power this is I cannot say. All that I know is that it exists.

Winston Churchill

You create your own universe as you go along.

Buddha

All that we are is the result of what we have thought.

Jesus

It is done unto you as you believe... As a man thinks in his own heart, so is he (atually Proverbs) ... ask and it is given ...

Albert Schweitzer

Man must cease attributing his problems to his environment, and learn again to exercise his will - his personal responsibility.

Martin Luther King Jr.

Take the first step in faith you don't have to see the whole staircase just take the first step.

Gandhi

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

Albert Einstein

Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions.

William James

The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.

The greatest revolution of my life is the discovery that individuals can change the outer aspects of their lives by changing the inner attitudes of their minds.

James Allen

Your circumstances may be uncongenial, but they shall not remain so if you only perceive an ideal and strive to reach it. You cannot travel within and stand still without.

Let a person radically alter his thoughts, and he will be astonished at the rapid transformation it will effect in the material conditions of his life.

Napoleon Hill

Whatever your mind can conceive and can believe, it can achieve.

Joseph Campbell

Follow your bliss, and doors will open for you that you never knew existed.

Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.

Wayne Dyer

I will see it when I believe it.

John Demartini

Whatever we think about and thank about we bring about.

Carl Jung

What you resist persists.

Robert Collier

All power is from within and is therefore under our control.

Max Planck

All matter originates and exists only by virtue of a force... We must assume behind this force the existence of a conscious and intelligent Mind. This Mind is the matrix of all matter.

Bob Doyle

The emotions are an incredible gift that we have to let us know what we are thinking. It's really so simple. 'What am I attracting right now?' Well, how do you feel? 'I feel good.' Well good, keep doing that.

Charles Haanel

It is the combination of thought and love which forms the irresistible force of the law of attraction.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The good news is that the moment you decide that what you know is more important than what you have been taught to believe, you will have shifted gears in your quest for abundance. Success comes from within, not from without.

Robert Collier

This is the greatest discovery of modern times-that every man has within him a particle of 'Creative Force.' Gain a mental attitude in which you are constantly expecting good. You have the fundamental right to good, you know.

Og Mandino

The only event in the entire world you can control is what you are thinking and feeling at the present moment-but that is enough! That's all you need to be able to control.

Epictus

Circumstances do not make the man; they merely reveal him to himself.

Shameless Art Plug ...

2010-09-29T15:23:00.000-07:00

For those who don't follow my art-blog, Serendipities by Dena, but who *may* be remotely interested ... I've got two upcoming shows ... would love to see anyone who's within the driving-distance ... or heck, fly in!

Charbonneau Art Festival
Wilsonville, Oregon
October 1 & 2, 2010
Website

Local 14 Art Show
Foresty Center
Portland, Oregon
October 14-17, 2010
Website

And if you've never checked out my art, go HERE.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Apologies to the Divine Feminine (& to Women in General)

2010-09-29T00:05:00.000-07:00

This made me cry ... for I have experienced this, both personally, and collectively... and how I long for this breach to be mended ...!

APOLOGIES TO THE DIVINE FEMININE (from a warrior in transition) I apologize for my inability to distinguish the benevolent warrior from the heartless warrior, a reflection of my own confusion dealing with the battlefields of yore. When I opened my heart too wide, I was vulnerable to attack from warring factions. I was conditioned to believe that I had to stay rigid, focused, prepared for any eventuality, in the desire to protect myself and others from attack. But I went too far, and closed too tight, and eradicated the bridge between our hearts. I am seeing this now and I am sorry.

I apologize for my perpetual absence, a reflection of my own inner absence, my inability to connect from a heart jammed tight by unresolved emotions that I did not have the tools to work through. I still lack many of these tools, but I am open to their emergence. I apologize for my inability to distinguish relationship from war. Like a warrior in enemy territory, I would sneak in and out of your life in the night, plundering and selfishly taking what I needed, then crawling back to the other side of the abyss with the spoils. I gave little back for fear that I would become vulnerable to attack. I had war on the brain and I could not see the river of love waiting on the other side of the battlefield.

I now recognize that love is the antidote for the armoured warrior, but I could not drink the antidote in my driven state. I apologize for not seeing you, my eyes blinded by congealed rage and unshed tears. If it is any consolation, and I imagine it is not, I could not see myself either. I saw only that which served my hyper-vigilance, my warrior focus. My mirror was a battlefield. I apologize for my ungrounded materialism, my power driven tyrannies, my obsession with accumulation. Somehow I imagined that accumulation would protect me and those close to me, but I failed to recognize that it just perpetuated the madness.

I also apologize for my egoic abuses, a reflection of my own misguided ego, pumped up to deal with an inherently competitive world. I couldn't distinguish the healthy, confident ego from the cocky, unhealthy ego. I went much too far in the wrong direction.

I apologize for a sexuality that was objectifying and disconnected from the heart. I know you longed for real intimacy, a merging of our souls along the heart-genital highway. But there were too many defenses around my heart, and no bridge could form between our souls. There were moments when your loving ways freed me from my body masks, but I had no template to stand in that heart-fire.

I am sorry for this, for I know that the path you longed for was the path to God. I apologize for my horrifying acts of violence, a reflection of my own congealed rage, my own inability to distinguish real enemies from friends. There are no words that can undo what I have done in those moments of madness. I know this, I do. I would hide my face in shame, but that won't make things better. I need to own my misdeeds, and then find a way to believe in my capacity to move from a more loving place.

I call out to other male warriors to be accountable for the actions of our gender, not in a way that is self-hating, but in a way that is courageously self-honest and genuinely compassionate. The heartfelt warrior acknowledges the error of his ways, and has the courage to do all he can to make amends over time.

I apologize for my inability to develop a conscious relationship. You were right there with your beautiful heart on your sleeve but I was too attached to my individualism and afraid of this unknown terrain. I know the forests, the marketplace and the ways of the outer world so well, but my inner geography is foreign to me. You called me to a place I was ill-prepared to go, although I sensed, below the surface of my bravado, that you called me home.

I am grateful for your willingness to believe that who I was in those rare moments of vulnerability was the real me. You were right- the real me lives inside of my heart- but a few moments now and then was the most I could handle. I saw you as dangerous, for in your presence I began to taste a surrendered way of being. Nonetheless, your faith in my goodness kept me going through many a battle, and restored my faith in life when I most needed it. You were the light at the end of a barbaric tunnel, and I am blessed.

I am grateful that you stuck with me through thick and thin, and I also understand those times you had to give up and let go. I now recognize that there is meaningful difference between a love-ship and a relationship. Love alone is not enough. Without a shared willingness to become conscious, there can only be frustration.

I was so often impossible, clinging to my unconsciousness like a soldier clings to his weapons. I recognize the courage it took for you to keep your heart open in the presence of my resistance. You had every right to seek an authentic relationship, as your spirit was ignited in its presence. Your beautiful heart had every right to be met in its openness and willingness. I am grateful for the time you gave me, a moments respite from the hiding places I mistakenly called home.

I want to want you not because it gratifies my ego, not because you are outwardly beautiful, but because your very presence invites my Godself out of hiding. I want to touch you with my heart on my sleeve, to know chemistry between us that is not gender identified, but that is essence sourced, love's liquid lava flowing from the heart to the genitals to the great beyond. In this love-struck world, relationship will always be experienced as spiritual practice, a devotional expression of our God-self.

I had always believed that sensitivity is impossible to hold to in a harsh world. Yet in this moment, I feel sensitive, but without the fragility. I am still wearing armor but there is a shift in the direction of my intensity. I can linger in the heart-space a little longer than I once could, I am softening in places. After so many lifetimes with weapon in hand, a tenderling warrior is being birthed in the core of my being. He is confused, but he intuitively knows that this is the way home.

Please don't give up on me or my fellow warriors. Forgive us our misdeeds, or, at the least, be open to the possibility that we will change as the trail expands to meet our shifting intentionality. The day will come when our warrior spirit loses its harsh edge, and comes into alignment with benevolent action. Some of us are already there, and many more of us will follow. The road to transformation is dependent on a bridge between genders, a benevolent bridge that celebrates our differences with respect and kindness.

That work must begin with healing the rifts along the gender continuum, working hard to heal the collective heart until one day we can stand on a bridge across forever, hands held together, hearts open and alight, embracing the sacred masculine and divine feminine living at the heart of us all. I will meet you there.

May you feel the love of the Divine Mother crashing down on your heartfelt shores, graciously lifting you up above the madness of the world, nestling you in the grateful arms of those you have nurtured. Those of us who have received your blessings may not always acknowledge it, but your acts of love have landed within us, growing us stronger and infusing us with love's light. Thank you.

© Jeff Brown, 2010 (www.soulshaping.com)

Awakening Code ...

2010-09-28T13:23:00.001-07:00

Stumbled upon this ... and it so moved me ... it's stirring all manner of things in me. PLEASE watch this ... and pay attention to whatever gets stirred up in you.

Be open. Receive what you can. Put aside what you cannot yet receive. Ask to be prepared ... ask to be shown who you really are ... why you are really here, at this place, in this time ... it's not a random accident.

(& no, it's not really about Oprah ...!)

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

So, What DO You Believe..?

2010-09-28T00:05:00.000-07:00

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many, or merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with your experience, then accept it, and live up to it.
~Buddha

There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn't true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.
~Soren Kierkegaard

Our beliefs are absolutely critical in our lives.

Not what we think we believe, or what we would like to believe, or what we think we should believe ... but what we REALLY (even subconsciously) believe.

What do we really believe ... about ourselves, about others, about our world...?

Gregg Braden shares,

Early in life we develop our core beliefs - basic ideas that we accept about ourselves, other people, and our world. They can either be positive or negative, life affirming or life denying. childhood experiences are often where our core beliefs begin. After repeatedly learning that we don't deserve this or that early in life, for example, we may develop a core belief that we aren't worthy of receiving. Because such perceptions are often subconscious, it's not unusual to discover that they weave their way throughout our lives in unexpected ways. so an unconscious core belief that we aren't worthy of receiving may play out as a lifetime of lack that shows up in love, money and success ... and even life itself.

Now, the cool thing is that a belief is just a thought that we keep thinking ... and even if it's subconscious, we can become aware of it, and even change it ... sometimes all it takes is for just one person to do something different ... in the presence of others, to go against status quo ... and when others witness a limit being broken, they can then hold the new possibility in their own minds ... and change their own beliefs.

But in order to do that, we often have to face one of our own most basic of fears: rejection.

Across cultures and societies, creation stories state that to become individuals in this world, we must "break away" from a greater collective family. At the same time, one of the deepest universal fears is just that: being separated and alone. For many people, it's their yearning to "hold on" to their families, their relationships, and memories of their past experiences that create the conditions that lead to their greatest suffering. If we can find a way to appreciate the moments we share with those we love, as well as feel good about our time together when it ends, then we will have taken a giant step toward our greatest healing.

At some point, we have to break away from the core beliefs that were put upon us by our families of origin ... in order to live long, healthy, fulfilling lives, we have to heal the limiting beliefs that lies at the core of our deepest hurts.

Let's look at how our deepest beliefs can affect our relationships. Answer the following questions for yourself:

Is it hard for you to love yourself first?

Do you feel it is unsafe to share your love with others fully and fearlessly?

Do the relationships that you invite into your life leave you feeling empty and searching for more?

If you answered any of them affirmatively, then it's likely that you experience hurt, disappointment, suffering, and betrayal. So, what unconscious belief could be in operation?

Here's what Gregg Braden says about that:

As diverse as your life has been, and as varied as all of your experiences may appear, there's nothing that's happened that wasn't shaped through the eyes of this single belief. Without exception, all of your love and each of your fears; all of the chances in life that you've had the confidence to take and all of the ones that you were afraid because you might fail; the health, vitality and youth of your body, the way you age; and the success or failure of every relationship that you'll ever have with another person, yourself, your world and the entire universe ... all of these things, and more, boil down to what you claim in a single belief.

And you can uncover what that belief is for yourself by answering a single question -- the Great Question -- below. The way that you do so reveals the truth of a powerful subconscious belief that lies at the heart of your existence. The question is this:

Do you believe that there is one source for everything that happens in this world, or do you believe that there are two opposite and opposing forces - good and evil - one that "likes" you, and one that doesn't?

Honest confession time here, folks. I would say that I consciously believe in one source -- a good source. HowEVER, the evidence of my own current sense of hurt, disappointment, suffering, and betrayal, tells me that I MUST, unconsciously, believe in the duality of two opposing forces.

Not fun to face, but good to know.

If I believe, at the core of my being, that life is a precious and rare gift ... to be treasured, cherished and freely explored with abandon ... then the world looks like, and is experienced like, a fabulous place in which to do that very exploring. I would feel safe in such a free exploration.

However, if I believe, at the very core of my being, that this is a dangerous world, then that belief will be embodied in my every day life ... showing up in my life path, my career, my relationships, and in the health of my body. And even when new opportunities are presented to me, I'll feel unable, unworthy, and afraid to accept them. I won't be able to take the necessary risks, I won't feel worthy of love that brings deep joy, and I'll then find myself settling for whatever feels like a "safe default".

It seems to me, that in order to be able to fully live this life-gift, in order to discover who I am, and what I am here to enjoy and experience, I need to BELIEVE, at the very core of my BEing, the truth about the nature of this universe, the truth about the nature of my own Self, in order to know I have the utter FREEdom to choose how to thus create my own life.

Beats the snot out of "there is only one right choice, and you must make it, or else suffer the punishment."

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

NIRMALA - A Short Fairy Tale About Being

2010-09-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

Once upon no time, there was an infinite and eternal Being. Needless to say this was one big Being. Being infinite and eternal meant that no matter where or when it went, there it was. And of course, anything that big was made of empty space, as space is the only thing big enough to be that infinite.

While space is a wonderfully low maintenance thing to be, since it can’t be harmed, this Being still had a problem: There was no one else. Since it was already everywhere and every-when, there was no place or time for anyone else. It was not a horrible problem, but still there was no one else to talk to, dance with, or play with.

What’s an infinite Being to do? It can’t really just create lesser beings inside of itself as that would not be very interesting to an infinite Being. For a truly infinite and eternal being to create little lesser beings to play with would be like you or me making dolls to play with as an adult. There’s nothing wrong with that, but that’s not very interesting after a while.

Then it had a great idea! Being infinite meant it also had infinite potential, so rather than create lesser beings, it decided to create more infinite beings. At first this would seem impossible since there is the question of where would you put another infinite Being? There already is no space left over once you have one infinite Being. But the great thing about space is that it is completely empty as long as its pure space or pure potential, so two spaces can actually occupy the same space!

That was the solution! So Being created an infinite number of infinite space Beings just like itself. In a sense, Being cloned itself. Now, rather than having just a wind-up doll version of a Being to relate to, it had real, fully amazing infinite Beings like itself to relate to.

Even better, it quickly discovered that as long as one of the infinite space Beings stayed “home” as infinite space to hold the endless universes in place, then all the rest were free to contract into all kinds of shapes and sizes. In fact, all a Being of infinite potential has to do to contract into a different shape or size is think about it, and voilà it happens! That's the power of infinite potential!

Now not only could all these infinite Beings hang out as one very big space (which of course really meant hanging out as one Being, since two spaces in the same space are really still just one space), they could also play at contracting into all kinds of lesser expressions of their infinite potential.

Now why would they want to do that? Why would something infinite want to experience being less than its infinite self? Well remember these Beings are not only infinite, but also eternal, and eternity is a very long time! That means they all had a lot of time to kill. What does it matter if you spend a little time experiencing yourself as less than your complete potential, especially if you can do an entire eon standing on your head and still have all the time in the world?

And so Being, as many Beings, was now free to talk, dance, create, and play in all kinds of crazy wonderful ways because now there was someone else to talk, dance, create, and play with. Party time!!!

Ever since, it has been discovering all the different things it can identify with and temporarily become and all of the truly strange and amazing things it can do once it has become less than itself. Infinite space can’t really play soccer or be a super nova or fall in love or have its heart-broken or create a new universe or fly a kite when it's expanded into its original nature as infinite space, but if it contracts into a form or expression of itself, then it can do all of that and more!

So that is what it's been up to ever since, and it's really just getting started, since it still has so much time on its hands; the rest of eternity is still a very long time. That is also why it's so amazing to relate to others: because it is never some lesser incomplete being across the table from you. It is always an infinite Being with infinite potential that you are talking to or playing with. No wonder they are so convincing in their role as an apparent separate individual. It is really God playing that role. There are only Gods upon Gods upon Gods being everybody and everything and doing everything that is done! That is what we all are.

Pretty clever solution if you want to have some fun —don’t you think?

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Fear-Based (& False!) Pesky Core Beliefs

2010-09-27T00:05:00.000-07:00

So, I've been thinking a lot about fear ...

Mostly because it keeps smacking me up upside the head.

Well, no, that's not how it comes to me ... it sneaks in wherever I happen to be most vulnerable at the time ... it enters wherever I'm weak, slithers through my body, working its way to my heart ... where it declares its presence with a cold, slimy, bottomless-pit sort of pronouncement -- like a cross between a maniacal laugh and a sinister whisper.

And just to be sure it's gotten my attention, it permeates my whole body ... with chills, tremors, paralysis, and weighed-down muscles -- not to mention rushing doomsday-thoughts.

Now, the worst sort of fear is the nebulous sort. I mean, fear makes sense, and is even rather handy, when it warns you about an intruder, an oncoming truck, a snarling dog, or a snake about to strike ...

But when it's of the free-floating anxiety persuasion ... well, then it's hard to diagnose, much less to deal with.

Here's a real-life, and current example: to the best of my ability to discern, I've been plagued, for as long as I can remember, with the fear of making a decision.

Yes, this opinionated, feisty, stubborn, tenacious and obstinate woman is afraid of making decisions. Specifically, the fear of making the *wrong* decision.

And ... I've been wondering why this is.

AND ... I think I had an aha-moment-of-insight about it today.

So, bear with me as I ruminate outloud ... to see if I can put my primordially formulating thoughts into typed-out words.

Quite honestly, I believe that this is due to my fear-of-God hang-over. Fear was the background music of my early life ... whether real, or just my childhood impression, the threat of punishment loomed over me regularly ... there were many ways I could break the rules, and I seemed to manage to do so quite regularly. Now, this is not to blame anyone ... we all give what we received ... we pass on that with which we are most familiar. We all do the best we can, with what we know at the time.

Still ... I was quite familiar with fear -- it would be fair to say that it was my baseline "normal" state of being.

Then came the introduction of God into my life ... and make no mistake, this was a fearsome God. This God actually commanded, and demanded, that I fear Him. And, to ensure that the fear would be real, lifelong, and effective, the threat of endless torment in hell, for those who behaved/believed wrongly (i.e., those who "made the wrong decisions") was the lynchpin for the deal.

The message was clear to me, in a plethora of overt and covert messages: MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION, OR ELSE SUFFER PUNISHMENT!

So, life became a frantic, frenetic frenzy of trying to make sure that I made the RIGHT decisions ... by adhering to the following guidance:

~ Do what you're told by those who are in charge.
~ Conform to what those in charge expect of you.
~ Follow all the rules.
~ Don't think for yourself.
~ Don't trust your heart/feelings (for they are deceptively wicked).
~ Don't ask questions (this indicates rebellion).
~ Don't challenge authority (this is outright rebellion).

In other words, "you'd better get it right, but you can't trust yourself to know how to get it right, so be safe by just doing what you're told, what's expected, and then you won't be punished."

Fast-forward a few decades ... I've worked through that view of God ... no longer believing in hell, or that God has anything to do with fear, or that we're here to be obedient, or that there's any sort of absolute sense of right/wrong, or that conformity is the purpose of life.

In other words, I no longer THINK this way.

And YET, this nebulous fear sneaks up on me, on a regular basis ... so something else, beyond my conscious thoughts, is in operation here.

This tells me that it's a core belief ... something implanted in my subconsciousness when I was young, likely before the concrete-reasoning age of 7, when I was like a little sponge, soaking up whatever I was given ... this was not my own belief ... it was one that I inherited, and it's one that is no longer serving me.

Here's what Gregg Braden says about the foundations of our beliefs, in his book, "The Spontaneous Healing of Belief":

Estimates are that upwards of 90 percent of our daily live are directed from the subconscious level. Our success and happiness, our failures and suffering, our physical conditions ... and even our life expectancy have all been linked to our subconscious beliefs. And usually the most damaging ones begin early on, as we allow the experiences of other people to become the template for our own.

Studies have shown that until the age of seven, our brains are in a hypnogogic or dreamlke state, where the mind is absorbing everything it can about our surroundings. During this time, we're literally like little sponges, spending our days soaking up information about the world around us with no filters to tell us what's appropriate and what's not ... we pay the price for dealing with life from such a quick and reactive place -- especially when our reactions are based on the beliefs of other people that we learned to mimic early in life.

What we really believe (subconsciously, rather than what we think we believe consciously) is being mirrored back to us in the form of our most intimate romantic relationships, friendships, businesses, and careers -- and even in the condition of our health. The world is nothing more and nothing less than a reflection of what we believe, both as individuals and collectively, consciously and subconsciously.

Our most troubling beliefs aren't even our own -- but have come directly from our caregivers.

Looks like a nasty and unavoidable set-up, no?

So, what to do with these pesky (& false) core beliefs that haunt us, and rule our lives, unconsciously...?

How can we let go of what aren't even our own beliefs, so that we can freely choose to believe what works for us, for our lives now...?

More on that ... next time!

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

We Become What We Think About ...

2010-09-26T20:43:00.000-07:00

Timeless wisdom from Earl Nightingale ... author of "The Strangest Secret."

Here's an excerpt from his teaching on the concept of "we become what we think about."

I LOVE this statement of his: "The opposite of courage is not cowardice, it's conformity."

Later, I'll be sharing an insight I got today ... about fear.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Balance, Balance, Wherefore Art Thou, O Balance..?

2010-09-26T00:05:00.000-07:00

From Treya Wilbur's journal:

I am feeling an opening in my being
Feeling an opening between my head and my heart,
My father and mother,
My mind and my body,
My male and female,
My scientist and my artist,
One the feature writer, the other the poet,
One the responsible eldest father, taking after her father...
The other the playful explorer, adventure, mystic.

Yes ... this speaks to me.

I'm on the brink of something ... having been catapulted out of one thing, transported through another thing ... and released, on the verge of the unknown.

Oh - and someone forgot to give me the map.

And yet ... I sense an inner-compass ... which I'm trusting becomes more clear.

I'm sensing an inner-shifting in me ... a sort of healing ... an integrating, perchance a (dare I say it?) balancing. I'm a woman in search of ... how to describe this ... a purpose ... a lifting of the fog to reveal my life's work. On one hand, it's been happenING ... on the other hand, there's more to be birthed. The Greeks had a word for this ... one's "daemon." In Greek mythology, this meant "a god within". The inner divinity ... the guiding spirit, also called the "genius" of a person ... that which knows. It's also synonymous with one's "destiny." Or ... one's higher Self ... that which *knows* it is one with God (everything/everyone is ... but ignorance prevails).

Treya writes:

I haven't found my daemon, the work I deeply want to do. Sometimes I think my real problem is that I just don't believe I could ever get really good at something, that I have an inflated idea of how good others are, and that maybe by the time I'm fifty that will have been cut down by experience to match reality and I'll then know I could be good enough.

Wellllll ... I turn 49 in about three weeks, so I have just over a year to receive this Jubilee Year Enlightenment ...!

She continues:

I need to learn how to read the depths of my being, find my own guidance and daemon. I don't want to live without some kind of faith in a higher purpose. I don't want my own bitterness [over her own experience and suffering] erode my sense of the sacred and the meaningful in life, but use it instead to deepen the need for those explorations and understandings... To continue on that path I need to find ways to get in better touch with my deep psyche, the inner principle of ongoing personal growth. That is as close as I can get to God within me, learning to understand and follow that is the same as hearing and obeying God's will. Going within and getting in touch with the deepest, most true part of oneself ... getting to know it, nourish it, let it grow more mature ... invest it with power (recognizing it as the inner God) ... and developing the will to follow that inner direction ... the ability to test its truth and the faith and courage to follow it even when it contradicts the rational mind of our consensus reality ...

So that's my task now.

On the whole, this experience has felt like an invitation to live more fully, less tentatively.

I couldn't have written that better myself ...!

Ken adds his perspective:

In addition to learning how to take control and assume responsibility [for one's own life], a person also needs to learn when and how to let go, to surrender, to go with the flow and not resist or fight it. Letting go versus taking control -- this is, of course just another version of being versus doing, that primordial polarity of yin and yang that assumes a thousand different forms and is never exhausted. It is not that yin or yang is right, that being is better than doing -- it's a question of finding the right balance, finding the natural harmony between yin and yang, that ancient Chinese called the Tao. Finding that balance -- between doing and being, controlling and allowing, resisting and opening, fighting and surrendering, willing and accepting -- finding that balance became the central issue...

Wondering ... would I recognize balance if it rose up (as I swing from one extreme to the other) and smacked me in the face ...?!? :)

Something tells me that I'm smack-dab in the middle of learning what it means to be balanced ... but in my own, Dena-oriented way ...

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

There She Goes Again - Getting All Transparent ...!

2010-09-25T18:17:00.000-07:00

Disconcertingly, and to my great amazement, and even amusement, I have become, seemingly, a very emotional woman.

Somehow, when I wasn't looking, much less controlling the evolution, I morphed from Queen Anal-Izer (formerly Princess Ice-ness), into Woe-and-Wonder-Emoting-Woman.

Seriously. I cannot get through the day lately, without gushing into tears-of-joy, or tears-of-pain - with little to no warning. Troublesome, that. I'm thinking that eschewing mascara would be an obligatory response ... or to just start telling folks that yes, indeedy, I am an extra for the local "Thriller" dance troupe, and must remain, continuously, in eye-blackened stage make-up.

I just finished reading "Eat, Pray, Love" ... a book I so thoroughly enjoyed (and which was SO uberly timely), that I didn't want it to end ... I read the last paragraph one sentence at a time ... getting up to play the piano, or to pee, or to go outside and pace a bit ... just to streeeeeetch it out. But, alas, I did finally read that last sentence, and put it aside with a heavy sigh ... only to look up and see the book that awaited me next: Ken Wilbur's autobiographical "Grace and Grit: Spirituality and Healing in the Life and Death of Treya Killam Wilbur" -- Treya was his wife, and his long-awaited soulmate ... who was diagnosed with cancer only months after they met (and days after they married) ... and who died a few painfully transformative years later. Yeah, I'll be sharing from this book ... as this is my blog, and right now I'm using my blog to explore my own life ... (vague apologies to those of you who come here for either entertainment or enlightenment ...!).

Which, of course, this book is all about (the exploration and enlightenment of a life - not so much the entertainment - though Ken Wilbur has been known to crack a joke or three).

Funny how we find what we need in life (notice that I didn't say "want"), just when we need it. I had no clue where I would be now ... when I heard about this book, six weeks ago ... and then hunted it down ... and found it ... in the used book section of Amazon ... only to have it arrive yesterday ... as it took the slow boat from ... Ohio.

I cannot recount the number of times I've been reading these soul-impacting books, reading along (often just for the purpose of desperate distraction) ... only to have a particular passage so strike the depths of my heart with a resonancy that fills me to overflowing -- so that I cry out in recognition of what my soul knows ... but had never before expressed ... body-tingling, tears-gushing, heart-soaring, recognition -- every fiber of my Being responding (even outloud), "yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!"

Ohhhh, the bittersweet joy of having been heard and acknowledged! To know that I am not alone in what I've undergone in my life ... to know that others have not only experienced the same things, but have put them forth in words that ring articulately true ... I cannot tell you the sense of belongingness that this brings me!

I have felt quite, as in very, as in downright agonizingly, UNbelonging-anywhere-or-with-anyone lately. And, I'm beginning to get the distinct impression that this is intentional, and even orchestrated ... and absolutely necessary ... at this stage of my life-journey. It seems quite clear to me that I must, at all cost, discover who I am, and why I am here ...

For most, if not all, of my life, I have felt like the perennial outsider .. an alien being ... one who never quite fit in ... a social misfit ... an emotional aberrant, one who thinks-too-much, questions-too-much, feels-too-much (all of which was nearly systematically shut down in order to survive) ... is just too-much, period. It doesn't take much for the feeling of being "other-than" to turn into "there's something wrong with me, and so I will either dazzle you with my conformity, or else shock the snot out of you with my rabid rebellion."

Because, heaven forbid, I should be "different."

Different means, "not in agreement with" ... "outside the camp" ... "potentially dangerous."

All my life, I've been the recipient of one form or another of the following request (demand): "please get in line." And, I have nearly died, both literally, and metaphorically, from trying to do so.

So ... when I find evidence of other life-refugees, I feel a tremendous sense of relief, a joyous recognition, almost a home-coming ... "ahhhh, someone else from my tribe!"

I can count, but only on one hand (& perhaps only on a couple-three fingers), the number of real-life humans, with whom I've felt that rare and powerful sense of connection ...

And I have been finding that in the books I've been reading lately ... solace at this time of loss of one of those rare connections ... for these books speak of great loss, of the soul-shattering sort ... and of transcending that shattering ... not by circumventing fear and confusion, but by plowing straight through it ... even if that plowing looks more like one hesitating and trembling baby step at a time ...

Here are some passages that spoke to me ...

"I am immeasurably more, and immeasurably less, because of her presence. Immeasurably more, for having known her; immeasurably less, for having lost her. But then, perhaps every event in life is like that: filling you up and emptying you out, all at the same time. It's just that, it is oh-so rare that such a one is with us, and thus the joy, and the pain, are all so intensely amplified."

"The single most astonishing thing about her -- is that she had almost no split between her public and her private selves. She harbored no 'secret' thoughts that she was afraid or ashamed to share with the world. If you asked, she would tell you exactly what she thought -- about you or anybody else."

"She could be obstinate; strong people often are."

"When we first met, we had the strangest feeling that we had been looking for each other for lifetimes ..."

"Virtually every one of the great pioneers of modern physics ... were spiritual mystics of one sort or another ... The essence of mysticism is that in the deepest part of your own being, in the very center of your own pure awareness, you are fundamentally one with Spirit, one with Godhead, one with the All, in a timeless and eternal and unchanging fashion."

"My connection with her [Treya] continued to deepen, if that were possible. We were way, way, way 'beyond physics'! Love is a time-honored way to transcend the separate-self sense and leap into the sublime; Treya and I held hands, closed our eyes, and jumped!"

[From Treya, shortly after her cancer diagnosis] "Why me?" was a question that soon lost its punch. "What now?" replaced it.

[From Treya's journal] "I wanted -- and needed -- for this experience to have some meaning and purpose. The only way that could happen with any certainty was for me to act 'as if' it did, to imbue it with meaning through my own thoughts and actions."

Enough for now -- I'll share more as I read more ...

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

The Search for the Divine

2010-09-24T17:02:00.000-07:00

(Taken from "Eat, Pray, Love" ... I love what Elizabeth Gilbert shares here ... deeply resonates with my soul!)

"The search for God is a reversal of the normal, mundane worldly order. In the search for God, you revert from what attracts you and swim toward that which is difficult. You abandon your comforting and familiar habits with the hope (the mere hope!) that something greater will be offered you in return for what you've given up ...

"...Faith is a way of saying, "yes, I pre-accept the terms of the universe and I embrace in advance what I am presently incapable of understanding." There's a reason why we refer to "leaps of faith" -- because the decision to connect to any notion of divinity is a mighty jump from the rational over to the unknowable ... and I don't care how diligently scholars of every religion will try to sit you down with their stacks of books and prove to you through scripture that their faith is indeed rational, it isn't. If faith were rational, it wouldn't be - by definition - faith. Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. Faith is walking face-first and full-speed in the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life, and the nature of God, and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would be ... a prudent insurance policy.

"I'm not interested in the insurance industry. "

"Every religion in the world has had a subset of devotees who seek a direct, transcendent experience with God, excusing themselves from fundamentalist scripture or dogmatic study in order to personally encounter the divine. The interesting thing about these mystics is that, when they describe their experiences, t hey all end up describing exactly the same occurrence. Generally, their union with God occurs in a meditative state, and is delivered through an energy source that fills the entire body with euphoric, electric light. The Japanese call this energy ki. The Chinese Buddhists call it chi/qi, the Balinese call it taksu, the Christians call it The Holy Spirit, the Kalahari Bushman call it n/um (their holy men describe it as a snakelike power that ascends the spine and blows a hole in the head through which the gods then enter). The Islamic Sufi poets call that God-energy "The Beloved" and wrote devotional poems to it. The Australian aborigines describe a serpent in the sky that descends into the medicine man and gives him intense, other-worldly powers. In the Jewish tradition of Kabbalah this union with the divine is said to occur through stages of spiritual ascension, with energy that runs up the spine along a series of invisible meridians. [Hindus call these the chakras.]

"St. Teresa of Avila, the most mystical of Catholic figures, described her union with God as a physical ascension of light through seven inner'"mansions' of her being, after which she burst into God's presence."

"According to the mystics, this search for divine bliss is the entire purpose of a human life."

"God dwells within you, as you."

"To know God, you need only to renounce one thing -- your sense of division from God."

I am an antevasin. It means, "one who lives at the border ..."

In ancient India, it was a literal description ... a person who had fled the frenetic center of communal-village life, to go live at the edge of the forest where the spiritual masters lived. So, the antevasin was no longer one of the villagers ... no longer one who could just live a conventional life ... but neither were they yet a "transcendent one" ... one of the fully-realized ones. The antevasin was one who lived "in-between" ... a boarder-dweller. Living within sight of both worlds, but always looking towards the unknown ... and always the scholar.

As Gilbert describes,

"you can live there ... you can live on that shimmering line between your old thinking and your new understanding, always in a state of learning. In the figurative sense, this is a border that was always moving -- as you advance forward in your studies and realizations, that mysterious forest of the unknown always stays a few feet ahead of you, so you have to travel light in order to keep following it... and so, I'm just a antevasin -- betwixt and between -- a student on the ever-shifting border near the wonderful, scary forest of the new."

There are those who say I must choose what it is that I believe and settle there. I think I not only have every right, but every responsibility, to pick and choose what works for me, as I go, as I grow, as I expand and evolve. I am drawn to what speaks to my soul, what moves my spirit, and what reminds me of what I long-ago "forgot" ...

I take whatever works for me, for now, from wherever I find it, and continue to move toward the Light, walking in the Light I've already been given ...

I find that the ways of God, of Source, of Providence, of the Divine, are infinite... and how astonishing, really, that the Infinite would be ... well, infinite!

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

An Ode to Gooey-ness - a Revelation of Transformation

2010-09-22T00:05:00.000-07:00

Oh my GOODness...! I have so, so, so, SO much that I want to share, and all at once!

Breeeeeathing...!

Ok, I'll have to just dive in, and let it sort itself out (and it won't all fit in one post) ... it all fits my life, and it's all amazing, and it's all so very uberly-confirming of where I am, and what's unfolding, and how I'm being led!

LOVE it!

First ... dunno what, dunno how, but something has begun to shift in me in the past 36~ish hours ... there-bouts. Maybe it's because I have succumbed to reading novels -- ok, not quite novels, more like memoirs. Specifically "Pray, Eat, Love" ... which, really (& even as over a dozen complete strangers have told me in recent months), is just a rehashing of my life, 'cept she didn't have eight children (she didn't have *any* children -- maybe I had some of hers?), and she's blonde, and now has a best-selling book ... but still it's my life, in the same kamikaze (& did you know that word means "divine wind"?), unconventionally irreverent, and oh-so-dramatically-obscure rendering of the very thoughts that are in MY own head, not to mention the events that have comprised my own life (minus the trips to Italy/India/Indonesia)..!

It's all I can do to resist the temptation to spend the next umpteen weeks blogging nothing BUT quotes from this amazing book. But, I shan't do that. Besides, I already did that, on my Facebook page, after just seeing the movie (which pales in comparison to the book, but which will do in a pinch, if'n you're not inclined to actually read the book for yourself).

Anyway ... I first noticed that I was not utterly despairing of the fact that I had actually woken up in the morning. And that I didn't continuously hit that snooze button on my alarm, so that I ended up sleeping the better half of the day away. And that I was feeling hungry ... for food ... and (dare I say it without jinxing it?) ... hungry for life. Specifically my life, as opposed to someone ELSE's life -- preferably someone who was not also experiencing the drama-trauma of heartbreak. AND hair loss. Nothing quite as depressing as being abandoned AND bald. Ok, maybe being abandoned, bald and decapitated -- yeah, that would be mildly more depressing (though it would solve the hair-loss problem, and, come to think of it, the depression problem, too).

And then I noticed that I was actually putting away three weeks' worth of folded laundry. Into drawers. Where they belonged. And I noticed that I felt better for having done so.

And then I noticed that I wanted to floss -- always a good sign of emerging self-esteem.

And then I noticed that I noticed the roses ... even smelled 'em. And these are heirloom, 100-year-old rose bushes ... so that the roses actually have a scent. Not like those modern, uber-beautiful roses that beckon you to come closer, tempting you to plunge your nose into the luxurious and decadently-seductive folds ... only to smell ... nuthin'. Makes me want to decapitate THEM.

So, I noticed these things ... and I noticed that I was crying less, and my sighs weren't quite so deep ... and I was breathing more easily ... and I was walking faster, even holding my head up ... and I noticed that I look good (damn good, really) when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror ... and I noticed that I actually feel some eagerness ... dare I say, even excitement ... about my life, about what's happening ... and I'm coming to understand what's happened ... what's happenING, and why. And it's even pretty cool, really, in that cosmic/karmic, universally-transformative kinda way... And I notice that I no longer feel so desperately UNsafe, no longer quite believing that the universe-at-large has conspired to utterly DUPE me, and is now laughing at me behind my back, as if I'd fallen for some practical joke, at the expense of my soul.

I notice that I actually believe that there is a larger/grander purpose for all that's occurred ... that it matters, that it has profound meaning, and that I'm not, contrary to a cacophonous chorus of opinionators, "obsessed," "addicted," or "insane." :)

And y'know what? I am an amazing woman. I really am. I mean, I like me. I have a lot to offer ... to myself, to others. To the world at large. I have a purpose ... a destiny, even. And it's not been thwarted ... it's only been enlarged and enhanced and exPANded, by all that I've experienced.

And I ain't done yet.

Not by a LONG shot.

In fact, I've only just gotten started ...!

I know that I will not only be OK ... I will shine.

By golly, I think I'm sparkling, even now...

Now ... I may well dissolve into a puddle of tears within an hour. But that's ok ... I've loved deeply, and I'm still grieving ... but I'm no longer hosting daily dirge-fests with the likes of Despair, Despondency, and Depression. I served those dudes their eviction notices, and they packed up their bags, and slunk away. If they show up at your house, tell 'em you don't entertain proselytizers, MLM-sales-reps, or usurpers.

I'm a woman in the very thick of an astonishing transformation. I am, actually, the very goo in the midst of the chrysalis. Yup. I am. En route to breaking out of my confinement, emerging as the butterfly I'm meant to be.

Tomorrow, I'll share a bit of what I received in an amazing consultation with a guy who specializes in transformations wrought by intense relational connections.

Perhaps only for my own sake ... perhaps for more than that.

For now, I think I shall sparkle my way through the unloading of the dishwasher ..!

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

P.S. My girls are watching "Princess Diary II" ... and this song just came on ... I don't believe in coincidences ... take in the lyrics, but for me, metaphorically ... pertaining breaking away from my old perceptions, into the new:

Personal Follow-Up to Yesterday's Article ...

2010-09-21T00:05:00.000-07:00

I'm currently going through a life-transformation.

Challenging, to say the least ... painful in ways I didn't previously fathom.

Many of my (few remaining) friends are concerned ... which, I understand.

I'm concerned.

This conversation is currently happening ... and since it allowed me to clarify and formulate some of my own thoughts, I thought I'd share.

My friend wrote this:

"Dena - GOD just spoke to me to tell you how you can get your life back -

Jesus said, "Whoever loses his life for My sake and the Gospels will find it." - (Mt. 10:38-39, Mark 8:34-36, Luke 9:23-25)

I love you."

Now, I have often found it interesting, that, in the realm of Christianity, God/Source seems to prefer to speak to other people, rather than to the person who needs the speaking-to ... there's this seemingly prevailing view that second-hand communication is preferable to direct communication ... leaving one (or at least me) wondering, "why wouldn't God care enough to talk to me personally?"

This seems to foster a dependency upon others at best (something I'm being led *out* of), and a domineering hierarchy at worst ... as well as a distrust in one's own inherent ability to commune with one's own Creator/Source. It also goes contrary to the very words of Jesus (whom, I no longer believe, ever intended to inspire or create a religion in general ... much less Christianity in particular), when he emphatically said that the realm of God (or the "foundation of power of the Source") is within you.

Here's my response:

Thank you for loving me and caring about me ...

I see Jesus quite differently than I once did ... I think the traditions of man created what most Christians now believe about him ... I don't see him as the "savior of the world" because I no longer believe that we ever had anything to be saved *from* -- except for our faulty thinking, i.e., thinking that we had somehow become separated from the Source of All Life, or God.

I also don't trust how the Bible was tinkered with ... I think some of the older, less altered writings (i.e., Gospel of Thomas, etc.) are more reliable ... but, even then, they are penned by humans ... I believe, ultimately, that we have to hear Spirit speaking to us, through us, by means of the heart, intuition ... that which is within. For the realm of God is within us, not outside us ...

and the ultimate gospel/good-news, is, I believe, that we are One with God -- always have been, always will be ... we come from God, we return to God ... all of the universe is a hologram of God -- there is nothing but God.

I believe that THAT is what Jesus came to tell us, to show us, that we are all like him. We just don't realize it yet.

So ... yes, I need to find my Life (in/of God and true inner Self -- one and the same), by losing my ego-perspective life ... that which erroneously believed/believes that I can find joy outside of myself, in any other person, relationship, situation, circumstance, or place. In reality, we can only truly enjoy relationships with others when we know who we really are, and experience that inner-divinity ... and flow to another from that place of inner-security.

So, we may be saying the same thing in essence -- but I no longer see/think of this in religious/Christian terms ... which I find to be very limiting, and even damaging, as the myth of separation is perpetuated through Christianity.

Yes, I believe all that I just wrote. But ... I must apparently also believe something else, for I am experiencing suffering. I'm discovering (really, I've always known, I'm just now deeply *experiencing*) how we can have hidden, (false) core beliefs ... usually those things we "inherited" from our parents/caregivers, in the first 7 years of life, when we were like absorbent little sponges ... soaking up the perspectives/beliefs of those around us ... as-yet-lacking the means to discern truth, or to filter deeper reality ... and most of us continue to live, throughout our adult lives, subconsciously, FROM those very beliefs ... double-minded, in how we SEE the truth in what we take in, and yet cannot overcome the force of that which is unconsciously, unknowingly, unquestioningly at our CORE.

IOW, what we think in our minds cannot overcome what we believe in our hearts.

We need to discover what it is we really believe, and question THAT, and live from a deeper place of freedom.

(for more on this, see Greg Braden's powerful book, "The Spontaneous Healing of Belief")

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

The Purpose-Guided Universe: Believing in Einstein, Darwin and God

2010-09-20T00:05:00.000-07:00

Felt led to share this ... so ... voila!

The Purpose-Guided Universe: Believing in Einstein, Darwin and God
by Bernard Haisch

evolutionarymystic | September 19, 2010 at 2:40 pm | Tags: Book Review | Categories: Awakening, Awareness, Cosmology, God, Metaphysics, Spirituality, Transformation | URL: http://wp.me/pEe0R-1YZ

Imagine a pyramid made up of stacked basketballs. Picture it a thousand feet on each side and a thousand feet high. That’s twice as high as the real great pyramid in Egypt. That’s as tall as a hundred-story building. To stack such a pyramid would require about a billion basketballs. It’s a big number.

Rounding off to the nearest billion, we live on a five-billion-year-old planet in a fourteen-billion-year-old universe. Our sun is one star amid a few hundred billion others in the Milky Way Galaxy. Our Milky Way Galaxy is one of a hundred billion or so other galaxies in the visible universe.

That’s a lot of billions.

Given this large-scale picture of things, how could there be any purpose in any man or woman’s brief life, amounting to perhaps eighty years or so on average, on one obscure planet? That is a question that matters a great deal to most of us.

As noted physicist Freeman Dyson said in his Templeton Prize lecture:

The greatest unsolved mysteries are the mysteries of our existence as conscious beings in a small corner of a vast universe. Why are we here? Does the universe have a purpose? Whence comes our knowledge of good and evil? These mysteries, and a hundred others like them, are beyond the reach of science. They lie on the other side of the border, within the jurisdiction of religion.

Is there a purpose behind the universe? There are two diametrically opposed answers coming from the two camps of science and religion, ensconced on opposite banks of the stream of life. In my view, neither is satisfactory, which is why I propose a third. But first the two opposing views.

There are those who believe in God. In the United States, the percentage of the population falling in this category has hovered around 90 percent for decades. The purpose of life for most believers is clear. It is to live the kind of life that will merit the reward of entrance into an everlasting kingdom of heaven. There, presided over by a heavenly, grandfatherly patriarch, with the able assistance of an angelic bureaucracy, choir, and legion of saints, the righteous will live in eternal bliss. Given the limited human attention span and the propensity to always want the latest and best, it is hard to see how the eternal-heaven business can actually satisfy the clientele for that length of time, that is, forever. One might worry that eternity could possibly become tedious. Still, that’s the reward, and it’s better than life down here . . . putting the eternity issue aside.

But you had better be careful, because one life chance is all you get in this view. Given the wide disparity of life circumstances and influences, this one shot at getting it right for all eternity may not seem fair. And indeed, I propose that it is most certainly not. That is one reason why I will suggest a more plausible and humane alternative.

On the other side are the secular humanists, meaning those who dislike and reject the idea of a God, who scoff at such a make-believe purpose as getting into heaven. Unfortunately, what they can offer in its place in the way of life purpose is rather limited.

The English poet Francis Thompson wrote: “An atheist is a man who believes himself an accident.” That does seriously limit the options available for the purpose-of-life question. Life merely for the sake of living is a risky philosophy that could logically lead to nothing greater than an objective of achieving maximum wealth and pleasure here and now. Some people in this camp do come to this conclusion. Fortunately though, most have no less altruism than the believers — perhaps even more because there is no expectation of a reward in the afterlife for doing good here. The problem is that in this view all purpose is ultimately transitory. Recall Nobel laureate Steven Weinberg’s, “The more the universe seems comprehensible, the more it also seems pointless.” Unfortunately, that would carry over to us individually as well.

The purpose I propose that life has is a grand one, and even, I think, a logical one: We are the means whereby God experiences his own potential, and this is why the universe has some of the amazing properties conducive to life that it has. Making the analogy of God as a vast bonfire, we are candles whose tiny flame is the same fire. We are sparks of God living in a physical universe of matter and energy, in which we are able to experience things, make things happen, live and love and climb up or ski down mountains and enjoy operas or rock concerts — take your pick.

The adventures we literally live out were merely possibilities existing pregnantly in the infinite intelligence that is God prior to the creation of the universe. You might think of the universe as some of God’s thoughts, his daydreams. With the right combination of thoughts — the laws of nature — providing the basis, a universe capable of hosting life becomes possible. God then enriches himself by living through all the life-forms that the universe can provide . . . us included. Why shouldn’t God get to enjoy the World Series or the Super Bowl or the Indy 500 through the enthusiasm of us fans? Of course, first you have to dream up a universe. God can do that.

In this view, heaven is not a place; it is a state of reunion with God, from whom our consciousness has temporarily and deliberately separated itself to make physical existence and all its richness possible. The purpose of life is to let God make his own potential real. And of course, this cannot be limited to human experience. God in this view seeks the experience of all living things on this planet and wherever else life might exist and whatever else it might be like.

Kaballah scholar Daniel Matt writes in his God and the Big Bang:

In the beginning, there was Existence alone — One only, without a second. It, the One, thought to itself: “Let me be many; let me grow forth.” Thus, out of itself, It entered into every being. All that is has itself alone. Of all things it is the subtle essence. It is the truth. It is the Self. And you are that.

Or from a much more ancient text from India cited by Matt:

He manifested Himself as creation. It is He alone who is born into the world. He lives as all beings; it is only Him everywhere.

Let me be clear. This has nothing to do with so-called Intelligent Design. In the view I propose, Darwinian evolution is essential for fulfilling God’s purpose. The unpredictability and novelty afforded by evolution is absolutely necessary; otherwise, existence would be a preordained puppet show. It is the peculiar character of the universe itself — an issue that has come to the fore in astrophysics — and its origin in the big bang which I attribute to an infinite intelligence, not the microengineering of life-forms. It is, in fact, a more impressive feat of intelligence to dream up a few essential laws that can give rise to a universe in which life can evolve, than it would be to tinker around designing creatures like Santa in his workshop.

* * * * *
Reprinted with permission of the publisher from The Purpose-Guided Universe© 2010 Bernard Haisch. Published by New Page Books, a division of Career Press, Pompton Plains, NJ. 800-227-3371. All rights reserved.

Bernard Haisch, PhD, is an astrophysicist and author of The God Theory and more than 130 scientific publications. He was a scientific editor of Astrophysics Journal for ten years and editor-in-chief of the Journal of Scientific Exploration. His professional positions include deputy director of the Center for Extreme Ultraviolet Astrophysics at U.C. Berkeley, staff scientist at the Lockheed Martin Solar and Astrophysics Lab, and visiting scientist at the Max Planck Institut für Extraterrestrische Physik in Garching, Germany.

(www.thegodtheory.com) Sequel to THE GOD THEORY. Video discusses why it is possible to believe in both science and God, a God that is compatible with the Big Bang and evolution. Is there a plausible purpose behind the Universe consistent with modern astrophysics?

Contemplating Life on a Sunday ...

2010-09-19T12:03:00.000-07:00

Some messages that have come across my path today:

"Hear our call to embrace your life as we embrace you. Live every moment fully alive, savoring every feeling, experience, and deed, for it is through you that your eternal life becomes known."

This one is a huge challenge to me today ... living fully alive in this moment of pain ... savoring the pain, embracing the pain ... such a tall order! And yet ... I sense the truth of it. And what choice do I have? Either I allow this pain to diminish me, limit me, and thwart me ... or I dive headlong into it, fully experience it, and allow it to have its transformational way with me. And so, I yield, tears streaming down my face ... pain encapsulating my heart ... arms opened wide to All That Is, saying, "Help me, and have your way with me!"

"When we want to move beyond the pain, when we want to feel better, when we are ready to move beyond where we are, emotionally and spiritually, we must forgive.”
~Iyanla Vanzant

In the midst of this pain, I feel an inward smile ... see? I hadn't yet read this, when I wrote the last paragraph above ... and here is my answer. And I do - I forgive. I did so immediately, when I first received the blow, because what else can love do? And yet, I recognize that forgiveness is a process ... that each and every time I'm rushed with another wave of pain, I forgive, again and again ... I send love and light ... I allow my heart to be grateful for the memories, the experiences, the love and joy that transformed and enlarged me. And I can even allow myself to be in eager anticipation, at the prospect of experiencing such love and joy again ...

This is the work of my life. I have much work to do ...

"You know, no matter what your dream is, no matter what obstacles you face, all success, healing and transformation begins in the same way for everyone - with an inner shift. An inner shift is simply a new way of looking at things. It can appear as a question you never asked before, a new perspective on an old situation or belief, or a possibility you never before considered. How do you create those inner shifts? You stay open to new information, inspiration and opportunities to integrate what you learn into a new way of living."
~Sonia Miller
Life Coach
(Dallas, Oregon)

An inner shift. Yes. This I know. A new way of looking at things ... I'm open to this. I *need* this. I cannot stay where I am, as I am ... the pain won't let me. This pain is a catalyst for my growth ... remaining IN it, engulfed by it, is not an option ...

I've learned SO very much in recent years, particularly in recent months ... profoundly life-transformational shiftings. And yes, it needs to be integrated into a new way of living ... so, I am open. Show me, lead me, guide me ... I ask this of my own inner Self ... that which is connected to (& One with) All That Is ... I dare to trust again ... I dare to receive ... I dare to live.

I lay bare this aching heart, these trembling arms, this seemingly-shattered life ... and I dare to go on. I dare to grow.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Energy Healing/Psychology

2010-09-18T00:05:00.000-07:00

I had an amazing experience today, meeting with a renowned energy psychologist, named Mary Hammond ... quite a remarkable woman! She's a pioneer in the field of energy psychology ... and she lives in Salem, Oregon ... just a 30 minute drive from where I am! But, of course...!

She's written this book, "Living Your Soul's Purpose: Wellness and Passion with Energy Psychology", which is used for training by many in the energy field. Her healing approach, developed with two other psychologists, is Dynamic Energetic Healing. She travels the world, teaching this, showing others how to use this to heal the hearts/minds/souls of other hurting/limited human beings. The goal being our fully operational wholeness -- to KNOW who we are, and why we are here -- and to live that out, in full confidence and joy!

I shouldn't be at ALL surprised that it answers the very questions I now find myself facing, and needing to answer within myself:

Why am I here?
Who am I to be with?
What is my ideal career?
How am I to take care of myself?
Why was I born into my family?
How am I to serve my community and the world?

Take a look at her website, to see all that she offers, for training. I KNOW that I'm meant to be trained for this ... I KNOW that this is part of why I'm here, at this time, in this place ... for a bigger purpose which I've only tasted on the edges ..!

After hearing a bit of my story, she looked me square in the eye, and said, "you have been through more foundational change in the past five years, than most folks make in an entire lifetime! I am honored to meet you ... I am excited to see what your purpose here, at this time, turns out to be. But, for the next week, do NOTHING. Just breathe and BE. No changes!"

OK then ... breathe and be, breathe and be, breathe and be ...

So, on the one hand, there is this broken heart ... and on the other hand, there is this growing excitement ... and something tells me that they will both occupy space within me, for some time to come ...

Clarity is assured ... as is Love.

WHAT that looks like, and HOW it manifests ... well, we shall see ...!

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

[and this was far more exciting than being carded at the liquor store today ... but you'll have to read about that adventure on my Facebook page...!]

About Fear ...

2010-09-17T00:05:00.000-07:00

First, watch this (short, 2:20) video, by Gregg Braden.

I ask (myself and you): Do we have the courage to face, and overcome, our fears, and thus become prepared to live Here and Now, at this close of the age of Egocentricity, this Shift of the Ages, or will we allow the fear to keep us in a limited and limiting place ...of disempowerment ..?

Will we cooperate with being enslaved to our own conditioning, and thus miss why we came to be here at this time/space juncture? Or will we dare to risk all we think we know, in order to become and experience all of who we are...?

I ask myself ~ do I have to courage to do this...?

Here's more on fear (part four of a five-part video blog):

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Thoughts for Thursday ...

2010-09-16T13:32:00.000-07:00

So, today I found myself visiting the chiropractor ... because the chiropractor's receptionist called me, to remind me that this is Thursday. Quite nice of her, really ... 'til I realized that she wasn't just being informative, she was reminding me that I had spaced my appointment ...!

That keeps happening.

This is your brain.

This is your brain in grief.

[envision a big, blank screen]

So, I skedaddled my way there ... and, en route, I noticed a formerly closed building in town, sporting a sign that read, "Dallas Health and Vitality Center" ... including yoga and massage.

Perhaps, perchance ... Reiki...?

So, I stopped there afterwards, even though it's not yet open, and rang the bell, even though it appeared that no one was there ... a woman appeared, a woman who isn't supposed to be there, and doesn't usually answer the door, except that she was and she did ... and within 5 minutes we realized that we have much in common (including a penchant for Abraham-Hicks, alternative healing modalities, art, life experience, and a need for new connections -- particularly in this uber-conservative/religious little town).

Bottom line -- we will explore this connection, and see what may come of it ... perhaps including Reiki, and helping to paint the place into a gloriously magical fantasy-land. Meanwhile, I'm showing up tonight for an impromptu yoga class -- something I've been wanting to do.

And THAT follows the many messages that came my way this morning, which I shall now share:

“Old things are passed away; behold all things are become new.”

I accept the gifts of change.

I let go of the old year and look forward to the new with an open heart!
I seek to love more, to learn more to share more and to shine my unique light into the world in service.
Guide me in the direction where my “divine” abilities will be best used for good.
I am available to You, use me Source of All!

Very timely for me ... yes, I let go of what was, and accept what is ... and eagerly anticipate whatEVER is to come ...!

(even as I acknowledge that I am grieving, and that grief must run its course ...)

"When you do not question what will be,
you allow yourself to be present with All That Is."

Hmmm... I'm a-sensing a theme here...!

Look deeply inside a rose. See the center of the rose and the beauty that lives within. Inside your center is a similar beauty. The Tao is eternal and it is inside each and everyone of you.

Is you understand that the Tao is inside everyone, how can you discriminate? If you understand that the Tao is eternal and everywhere, how would you lead? What kind of leader would you bill? Will you recognize everyone as yourself. How long will it take you to know this? Only one moment, once you find the Tao.

Inside MY center is a similar beauty ... and THAT is what I am focused on discovering, realizing, and living-from ...!

"One learns to accept the fact that no permanent return is possible to an old form of relationship; and, more deeply still, that there is no holding of a relationship to a single form. This is not tragedy but part of the ever-recurrent miracle of life and growth. All living relationships are in process of change, of expansion, and must perpetually be building themselves new forms...Because it is not lasting, let us not fall into the cynic's trap and call it an illusion. Duration is not a test of true or false...." ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh, from Gift from the Sea

Yes!!! ALL relationships are in process of change...! I welcome that. To refuse to change is to die. I am here to LIVE! to THRIVE! To discover who I Really Am, and to live that fully. And no, I will most certainly NOT call what I've experienced, enjoyed, and found enthralling to be an "illusion." I know better.

On this day of your life, Dena, I believe God wants you to know...

..that when we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another.

Helen Keller said that, and she was right. There is a situation in your life right now where you are being asked to do your best, your very best. Maybe it is in finding forgiveness for another. Or is understanding something that you just haven't been able to understand. Or in accepting what has to this point felt unacceptable.

Whatever that situation (and you know exactly what it is right now)...are you doing the best that you can? If you are, so be it, and good. Yet if you think you might do better, allow this little nudge today to be your gift from the soul. A miracle awaits if you will reach back now and do your very, very, very best in this.

Yes -- I can attest that I AM indeed doing the very best I can, in this situation that I am wanting to understand ... and in accepting what has felt unacceptable. But, I'm willing to do my very, very, VERY best. This shall NOT be wasted ... I WILL learn, and I WILL expand. I AM open to all that is good, beautiful and HAPPY coming into my life ...!

Ordinary activities will be a bit trickier than usual, leaving you with only one choice: improvise. Stop obsessing about what seems to be a lack of options. Focus on the most bizarre, outrageous solution possible -- it could very well end up being the right one.

The way you usually do things just won't work now. Your only option is to think of something new -- which won't be a problem

Even if you've always worked a certain way, you'll need to rethink that now. Try what you've only dared to think of before. Bet it works -- and gets you noticed, too.

Ok then ... I shall focus upon the bizarre and the outrageous ... the new ... and that which I've only dared to consider before...! Fastening my seat-belt ...

You know those people, Dena, you sometimes feel you're waiting for? I mean new friends and connections, agents and directors, customers and clients, publishers and producers, dear hearts and darlings. Well, they're actually just waiting for you... to make some serious room for them in your life.

Do stuff, Dena, little stuff, lots of stuff, prepare the way... and don't even think of stopping until you're dining with them at The Ritz.

The Universe

P.S. "Room Service? Hi. It's me again, Dena Brehm. That's right, in the Penthouse Suite. If you wouldn't mind, could we please have another round of desserts, some more wood on the fire, and, uh, some new springs for the trampoline?"

OK, made me laugh, and even snort...! Especially the trampoline-part. Yeah, I'm doing stuff ... all manner of stuff. As I'm led. Trusting as I go.

I WILL get clarity ... my life WILL unfold for me.

I will *KNOW* ...!

Shalom (& Namaste) ~
Dena

Messages on a Wednesday ...

2010-09-15T11:10:00.000-07:00

Just sharing some messages that managed to find their way to me today ...

"To hear the calling of another's heart,
is to honor the calling of your own to join in love as one."

I believe this. I do. I just can't feel it right now.

"Become a student of change. It is the only thing that will remain constant."
~Anthony D'Angelo

I embrace and lean into change.

The more things around us change,
the more we realize that You/I alone are constant.
You/I are the source, strength and peace.
When the circumstances of our lives seem foreign,
we turn within and connect with Your/Our peaceful presence.
We embrace the process of change by opening our minds to the flow of divine ideas.
We trust that every change brings fresh opportunities for living the love that fills us.
I am grateful for wisdom, guidance and direction.

I so badly need this ... I need to move into this understanding ... I need clarity. I need peace, and relief ... what I know for sure is that I cannot go on like this.

I need some serious help -- not opinions, not "here's what worked for me," not diagnoses ... I need specific, personal, direct, resonating clarity.

I can only trust that I will be guided into it ...

Shalom, Dena