Fear and Courage ...

Note to self:

"It's been proven that the only effective way to deal with fear is to walk through it, through the pain that accompanies doing something you're afraid to do. It takes courage to fulfill your commitments, courage to stay on track, courage to follow your dreams, courage to reach your goals, and courage to walk through your fear. Remember, reaching goals is not so much about doing big things when the feeling hits you; it's more about doing little things every day that move you toward your dream. It's about staying steady and on course."
~Francine Ward

This speaks to me -- to where I find myself in my life.

In many ways, I'm like a twenty-something ... trying to figure out who I am, what I want, and what my life is to look like. I find myself on the brink of rethinking everything ... remodeling my future, after my life-plans were suddenly upended.

I've moved 25 times in my life ... have been all over the planet ... have experienced various cultures ... and yet, I've never lived alone ... never been independent, never known autonomy.

I've always been taken care of ... always given away my power ... always lived a dependent life. So, have I ever really *lived*...?

I'm in the thick of awaiting clarity ... trusting that it will come ... that I will *KNOW* what's next for me ... and that I will have the courage to do it.

Fear lurks about, taunting me with a never-ending plethora of "what if's" ... whispering that I don't have what it takes to live without known-security ... tormenting me with threats of dire consequences if I make the "wrong choice" ... (apparently no one has yet informed Fear that I no longer believe in "right" and "wrong").

And I'm reminded of a quote from "Eat, Pray, Love":

"The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving."

I trust that I'll know what's truly thinkable, and even possible ... and even necessary.

But for now, until I can think straight, until I have the strength, until I have clarity -- it's time to heal. And so I pursue that whole-heartedly, with all that I am.

Shalom, Dena

Two and a half months later ...

There is absolutely NO way that I could adequately describe what has transpired since this last blog post ... I would have to display my heart wide-open, to share the intense joy (unlike I've ever known), and the following devastating despair (unlike I've ever known), that I've recently experienced.

I've lost much ... so very much. Including a friendship I thought I could *never* lose. I'm still reeling from from what feels like the unthinkable ... the unfathomable.

Soul shock would be an apt way to describe it.

And I stand on the brink of discovering what's next for my life.

After many days of waking up, wishing I hadn't ... and somehow managing to struggle through the motions of each day ... I've decided that I can no longer live this way. Intolerable pain is just ... well, intolerable.

Problem was, nothing that I tried was working to alleviate the pain ... not sleeping, not walking, not reading, not singing, not talking, not meditating, not painting, not therapizing, not distracting, not sobbing, not numbing-out, not EFTing, not Abe-ing ...

SooooOOOooooo, I went and did it. I plunged into a Reiki I course, this past weekend ... and I am now a Reiki I practitioner... able to do Reiki healing on plants, animals, and family/friends - and self. When I'm done with Reiki II (not sure when that will be - there are a couple of future options for me), I'll be able to actually do this "professionally." Incredible.

Actually, the entire weekend was incredible ... I had two Reiki classes to choose from, both held at the same time ... I went with my intuition, and chose one (this master was trained by the other teacher). AS it turns out, I was the *ONLY* student. All the other participants dropped out, for various and assorted reasons, on the day of the class ... giving me the rare opportunity to have a one-on-one Reiki training. WOW...! The things I learned ...

I LOVE how it fits with everything else I've been learning, about energy healing, for the past several months. Turns out I'm only 7 degrees away from Dr. Usui, the founder of Reiki. You can learn more about Reiki here.

The master says I "have promise" ... a good touch, good energy, that I'm an open conduit, and that I have obvious compassion ... and she was well aware of my voracious hunger to reach out to others who are hurting, in various ways. This IS my passion -- my dream -- it always has been.

I'm going to be checking out the possibility of being mentored/apprenticed by a woman who has written an amazing book on several energy healing modalities ... so that I get to experience, and be trained in, as many as I'd like ...! SO excited! She's internationally know, but lives right here in Salem, Oregon -- who knew?!? I have an initial appointment with her -- to explore the possibilities. Take a look at her book.

Because I was the only student, I had the unprecedented opportunity to receive a good deal of healing, for myself ... in fact, the master sensed my heavy grieving when we began (though I was silent), and she invited me to share my story ... something I was in sore need of doing (my grieving is seen as "illegitimate/invalidated" by many around me). Her insights were invaluable ... and I was infused with an uncanny sense of hope. My story isn't done, not by a long shot ... and I know I can indeed trust my heart ... and, I know that what I've experienced is beyond-priceless ... I wouldn't trade it for anything. I regret nothing. I treasure every moment. How could I regret the joy I've known ... and even the pain, which only expands my capacity for love...?

I feel as if I'm continuing on the most amazing journey ... discovering who I am, and why I'm here (& I KNOW that I am here, at this time, in this place, for a mind-blowing purpose) ... and it all coincides with what I've experienced, what I've read (currently reading, and have almost finished, "Anna, Grandmother of Jesus," which meshes beautifully with what transpired this weekend, in the Reiki training -- but of course...! ;)

I am *not* here to live a normal life ...!

I'm still grieving ... and I will honor this process for as long as it takes. I've lost something that is precious to me. But I know life goes on ... and I know that MY life is only just beginning, in so many ways ... there will be many transitions in whatever lies ahead ... challenges to face, healing to walk out, fears to be faced and stared down. Latent strengths to discover ... rich fulfillment to be experienced ... and yes, love, joy and passion to be fully experienced. I can no longer, not ever, settle for less.

I will soon find out what I am made of. Whether I have what it takes to live out my own convictions, to pursue my own dreams ... to lay aside convention, in order to allow, and receive, and give myself full *permission* to live the life I came here to live ...! Embracing all, and everyone, who matters ... no exclusions.

I eagerly anticipate how my life is continuing to unfold ... and I trust that Love, not fear, both guides me, and wins.

Shalom, Dena

Taking a Break ...

Yes, I know, I just launched back into blogging, after a previous break.

But I'm aware that I really have nothing of value to share right now ... I'm in the process of some fairly severe (ok, extremely severe) introspection ... I have much to question, including my own discernment, my ability to gauge reality, and whether I can trust myself ... and while I was hoping to use this blog for cathartic purposes, I'm sensing the need to put it aside, for now.

If I discover that writing is really part of who I am, and that I have anything to share, then I'll return.

I won't, at this point, erase what I've already written here, in previous posts, but now is not the time to add to it.

Shalom, Dena

The Stream ...

Watch this video:

And then take in this, for your consideration:

The Stream of Well-Being flows even if you do not understand that it does, but when you consciously become aligned with it, your creative endeavors become so much more satisfying, for then you discover that there is absolutely nothing that you desire that you cannot achieve... There is only a Stream of Well-Being that flows. You can allow it or resist it, but it flows just the same... There is not a Source of "evil," but there could be a resisting of that which you believe is Good, just as there is not a Source of sickness, but there could be a resisting of the natural Well-Being.

There is an unlimited Stream of Well-Being and an abundance of all manner of things available to you at all times -- but you must be in alignment with the receiving of those things. You cannot stand in resistance of them and receive them at the same time.

To the degree that you feel blessed and expect good things to flow to you, this indicates the level of your state of allowing; and to the degree that you do not feel blessed, where you do not expect good things to come to you, this indicates your degree of resistance... You and how you feel are all that is responsible for whether you let in your inheritance of Well-Being or not. You can open the flood-gates and let in your Well-Being, or you can choose thoughts that keep you pinched off from what is yours -- but whether you allow it or resist it, the stream is constantly flowing to you, never ending, never tiring, always there for your reconsideration.

Shalom, Dena

The Law of Attraction ...

The Law of Attraction says: "That which is like unto itself is drawn."

Like attracts like.

Birds of a feather flock together.

Each one after its own kind.

Etcetera...!

Our thoughts are powerful vehicles that produce results ... as Mike Dooley says, "thoughts become things, so choose the good ones." Every thought is vibrational energy. It goes "out" and finds matching signals.

Whatever you are giving your attention to causes you to emit a vibration, and the vibrations that you offer equal your asking, which equals your point of attraction.

If there is something you desire that you currently do not have, you need only put your attention upon it, and, by the Law of Attraction, it will come to you, for as you think about this thing or experience that you desire, you offer a vibration, and then, by Law, that very thing or experience must come to you.

However, if there is something that you desire that you currently do not have, and you put your attention upon your current state of not having it, then Law of Attraction will continue to match that not having it vibration, so you will continue to not have that which you desire. It is Law.

Ok then, that would require becoming clear of what I'm thinking, wouldn't it? This seems to imply a level of responsibility and awareness that most of us seem to not want to to employ. Looking around, it would seem that most of us prefer to live by default ... or maybe we just don't know what's really going on here.

The key to bringing something into your experience that you desire is to achieve vibrational harmony with what you desire. And the easiest way for you to achieve vibrational harmony with it is to imagine having it, pretend that it is already in your experience, flow your thoughts toward the enjoyment of the experience ...

Now, by paying attention to the way you feel, you can easily know if you are giving your attention to your desire or if you are giving it to the absence of your desire. When your thoughts are a vibrational match to your desire, you feel good -- your emotional range would be from contentment to expectation to eagerness to joy. But if you are giving your attention to the lack, or absence, of your desire -- your emotions would range from feelings of pessimism to worry to discouragement to anger to insecurity to depression to fear.

Our emotions clue us in to how we're thinking ...

We draw to ourselves what it is that we predominantly think about.

Whatever you are thinking about is like planning a future event. When you are appreciating, you are planning. When you are worrying, you are planning...

Nothing can occur in your life experience without your invitation of it through your thought...

You have literally thought your situations and relationships into being...

You cannot desire something, predominantly focus on the absence of it, and then expect to receive it...

Many of you, for many reasons, hold yourselves apart from the very things you are asking for.

Them thar's some powerful words ...!

I see this Energy being akin to electricity ... we don't know HOW it works, but we can use it, once we know about it. It's there, awaiting our harnessing ... we can either turn on the Light, and enjoy it, or sit there wondering why it's so dark ...

Why not avail ourselves of this Energy ...?

Shalom, Dena

Getting From Here to There ..

Sooooo, why IS it taking so long to get that which we desire...?

Some say:

~ Because you're not "meant" to have what you desire ...
~ Because you don't want it "enough" ...
~ Because you don't "deserve" it ...
~ Because you aren't "worthy" ...
~ Because there's only so much of whatever-it-is to go around, and someone else already nabbed your share ...

Pishaw to all of that!

What if the only reason we don't get what we truly desire is because we hold on to resistant thoughts ...?

What if we only need to release those resistant thoughts, one by one, and experience the relief that tells us that we are on the right track ...?

What if we need to feel our way into allowing ourselves to receive what we want, need and desire, one feeling at a time ...?

Keep this in mind:

~ You and the Source of All are one and the same.
~ You cannot be separated from the Source.
~ Source adores you and wants you to live in your inherent state of Well-Being.

So, we just can't put out a thought that causes separation from either Source, or what Source has for us, BUT our thoughts can seem to hinder us from perceiving our connection to Source ... these thoughts would be in the form of resistance. Whatever we resist, persists ...

When we align ourselves with what it is that we desire, the entire Universe conspires in our favor, resulting in enthusiasm, passion and manifestation.

Consider this:

You do create your own reality. No one else does for you. And, you create your own reality even if you do not understand that you do so. For that reason, you often create by default...

Your desires and beliefs are just thoughts: "Ask and it is given." You ask through your attention, through your wanting, through your desire -- that is the asking (whether you desire it to happen, or you desire it not to happen, you are asking ...). You do not have to use your words. You just have to feel it in your being: I desire this. I adore this. I appreciate this, and so on. That desire is the beginning of all attraction.

It is our desire that you become one who is happy with that which you are and with that which you have -- while at the same time being eager for more. That is the optimal creative vantage point: To stand on the brink of what is coming, feeling eager, optimistic anticipation -- with no feeling of impatience, doubt, or unworthiness hindering the receiving of it ...

There is a current energy that runs through the entire Universe ... through everything, including us. It's the make-up of the Universe, the basis of all physicality. Most of us are utterly unaware of it ... but we're ALL affected by it. And we're meant to tap into it, to feel it, and to thus become more intentional in how we live our lives. We all have this potential, though only a rare minority are realizing it.

We can actually FEEL whether we are connecting with this Source-Energy ... the better we feel, the more we are allowing our connection; the worse we feel, the less we are allowing our connection. We are either flowing with the Stream of Life, or we are resisting the current, exhausting ourselves ... our feelings will indicate which one is our reality.

Yeah, emotions are *that* important ...

Next ~ looking more closely at the Law of Attraction ...

Shalom, Dena

Outrageous Joy!

Are you enjoying your life?

Do you know what you want?

Do you realize that YOU are the creator of your own experience?


I daresay that most of us are unhappy about our lives ... that most of us have unfulfilled desires. That most of us would love to change something -- be it finances, job, relationships, our bodies, something.

What if we are meant to manifest, and have, what we most desire..?

What if our preferences are valuable?

What if we've forgotten who we are, and why we're here?

What if we are ever-connected to the Source-of-All-Joy-and-Love, and that no matter what happens, no matter what we do, or how we feel, we canNOT lose that connection...?

What if we are more magnificent and powerful than we dare to believe, and what if we can return to that confident, joyous, always-anticipating-and-thus-receiving-wonderful-experiences Being we're meant to be...?

What if our only problem is that we've picked up some erroneous perceptions about who we are and why we're here? What if we're the ones thwarting our own joy?

What if it's not only OK for us to choose our own created reality, but that we can learn HOW to do so...?

Would ya wanna know?!?

I would! I do! Sign me up!


I notice that whenever someone else tries to interfere with my life's creation, I get cranky. I have an innate knowledge that I do create my own reality ... and that no one else has the right to thwart that. I was born to be absolutely free. My life is completely and absolutely up to me (&, of course, this applies equally to every other human!). True, I have, like the rest of us on the planet, been largely domesticated. I gave in to the pressure of others around me (parents, siblings, teachers, clergy, society) who told me that their notions for how I was to live were more valid than my own ... and it became easier (and often a matter of survival) to go with what they said I "should" do.

But in doing so, I relinquished my most baseline foundation: my absolute and total freedom to create my own life.

I have denied my own soul, and have cooperated with my own domestication.

The deal is, Well-Being is the status quo of the Universe. It's the essence of "God" and All That Is, including you and me. It's our inheritance, our nature, our rock-bottom reality. It's as available as air ... we only have to allow it ... to breathe it, to be open to it, to relax into it ... to draw it into ourselves.

It is THERE for the partaking.

The Stream of Well-Being is flowing, all around us ... it's all that is. There's only One Stream ... not a myriad of streams to choose from. We're either going with the flow of it (& thus feeling *good*), or else paddling furiously upstream, resisting the flow (& thus feeling *bad*). Either way, we're in the stream ... we only have the ability to control our experience of it ...

We are here to be aligned with amazing co-creative experiences where we are rendezvousing with one another for no other reason than for the fantastically important reason of fulfilling, satisfying and pleasing ourselves, individually and collectively, and giving ourselves joy in every moment ...!

We are here to experience outrageous JOY..!

Tomorrow -- Why is it taking so long to get what I desire?

Shalom, Dena