Self-Limiting Beliefs ~ Self-Fulfilling Prophecy...?

I had an "*Aha* Moment" last night ...

Recently, I've gotten in touch with some of the women I knew in high school (gotta love FaceBook for that!) -- we were all in the "advanced" singing group together.

Lots of talent. Great fun. But, I carried a secret ...

It's fascinating to see how their lives have unfolded - one of them now performs & cuts records, another is teaching voice lessons to folks in the commercial industry (as in making commercials, and theatre stars), and another is in the music biz.

They were all "A's" ... but I was always a "B" (I mean quality of voice - not grades -- don't get me started on grades ... though I'll be blogging on how we corrupt creativity with external/extrinsic rewards, but I digress).

Here's my secret: I always believed that they were naturally talented, and had earned/deserved to be in the group -- on the other hand, I had dishonestly snuck my way in there -- I was there, vicariously. I rode in on their talent. I was only pretending to belong ... I felt like an impostor, even a hypocrite, and I was afraid (no, terrified!) that I would be caught, exposed, and catapulted out of there. If they knew ..! So I spent inordinate energy trying to keep them from seeing the "real me" (the me I feared I was), and projected a more acceptable me, instead.

(& I have the profound hunch that I'm not alone here ... that many of you, perhaps even most, or all of you, can relate to this feeling ...)

Yeah, I could sing, and I even did some solos, and I took voice lessons for a few years ... LOVED musical theatre ... but I always felt second-rate, talent-wise. Singing-wise. I was good, but not *really* good. I was always the friend of the girl who was *really* good...

Like I was faking ... like I had to fool folks. Had to distract and dazzle 'em. Like my voice was not reliable ... at times, I could surprise myself and others with what came out of me, but at other times, it would be so ... well, second-rate.

I've always had voice-envy. (My mother is profoundly talented in singing -- my father is untrained and has less-accurate pitch -- I am the combo.) It's like I've had good-voice days, and bad-voice days ... and I'm never quite sure what will come out. It's always a risk, a gamble.

Once, singing for a wedding, we were performing, "All I Ask of You" from "Phantom of the Opera" ... the guy was FABulous (an old friend), and he asked me to join him (it was for his sister's wedding -- so I felt honored -- but again, I had to fool folks). The range was higher than I'm comfy with (I'm a first alto - this was more mezzo soprano).

I had a couple of drinks, to relax, and then cut loose, in that more uninhibited state -- what came out of me was astounding ... maybe I need to just lose the fear ... but I confess that the fear/limitation is still there ...

I felt it again last night, after finding these women on FaceBook, and reading about their lives ... and felt a profound sense of sadness ... & I even got angry, that I have allowed a *belief/thought/feeling* of being feeling "second-best" to create a second-best experience. That I have robbed myself.

If I'm seeing this, I wonder what's about to unfold ...?

Of course, I'm aware, and perhaps you are too, of the wider application of this awareness. I'm confident that each of you reading this is aware of an aspect of your *own* life, wherein you've labeled yourself "second best" or "less than", and have thus CREATED that limitation-reality in your own life.

We have created this for ourselves -- we have chosen this. We're creating, either consciously, or unconsciously ... why NOT do it consciously...?

Shalom, Dena