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I drove south, to the city of my birth, to experience a process that's a type of "rebirthing".
The process is called Transformational Breathwork ... it's a self-healing modality that enables a deep integrating of old, "stuck" emotional energy ... allowing it to be accessed, experienced, felt, and "digested" so that the body can use it, rather than waste energy suppressing/wharehousing it.
The mind can get rather annoyed, since it's not part of the process ... which is good, as I no longer am interested in getting trapped in the mental-circularity ... my mind only *thinks* it helps me with its myriad of stories, explanations, plans, solutions and interpretations... all the while busying me with the "effects" while the "cause" goes on unseen ...
The point of TB is to get to the cause, without revisiting painful memories, or reliving traumatic events ... the body knows HOW to digest these emotional energies, just as it know show to digest the food we eat -- without our conscious involvement or instruction ("hey, banana, turn left ... ok, stop ... ok, body, start with the digestive juices now...").
Our bodies have innate wisdom we are largely unaware of.
The amazing woman who journeyed with me in this process is Phyllis Linn - in Eugene, Oregon. She opened up her home, her experience, and her gift to me ... and I am grateful.
While doing the connective breathing, and trusting the process, the facilitator massaged various spots on my body, to help "release" the trapped emotional energy ... and she would occasionally say a phrase she intuitively felt was corresponding to what I was repressing.
For instance:
I forgive everyone I believe has harmed me in any way.
It is safe to express all of who I am.
It is safe to fully give and receive love.
I trust the perfect and safe unfolding of my life.
With each of those statements, as I was breathing ... tears were released. I had no memories arise, I just felt a flood of emotion -- but more like I was observing this emotion being felt in my body, rather than feeling "the story" of the emotion.
Other messages I "received" were these:
The universe is friendly.
Everything that happens is FOR me, not TO me.
Everyone, including me, is doing their best, at all times.
I am unconditional love, at the very core of my being.
Everyone loves me -- they just might not know it yet.
What thought am I believing that is causing my suffering? Is it possible that it's not true?
At the end of the session, after over an hour of continuous breathing, movements, toning ... I was wrapped in a warm blanket, and left to slow my breathing to normal, while floating on gentle waves of music ... I felt peaceful, serene, safe ... calm. Loved. Empowered. I had flash-visions of me dancing ... and creating art. Ohhhhh, how I have missed me!
A far cry from the frenzy of fear, panic, grief, tied-in-knottedness I've been experiencing lately.
I do not yet know what was "done" ... whether this is a turning point from the "dark night of the soul" ... or whether it's just a merciful respite. I have to let this unfold, as I go forward. I know that this is a tool that I can continue ... a daily practice I can take with me in my life.
There was one more "take-away" that the facilitator gave me:
You live and move and have your being in a universe that consists of such tenderness, such love, such personal care of the living God, of the eternal presence in all that is, that it simply defies description. You are surrounded by a universe in which there is simply nothing ever to fear, no matter what momentary appearances may be.
And so it is ...
3 comments:
Backing up a bit ... this is what I wrote to some folks on Facebook yesterday:
At the risk of sounding pathetic and whiny ... here goes:
I am going to my first Transformational Breathwork session tomorrow ... I found out that there is just one woman, trained by Judith Kravitz, in the entire state of Oregon, and she lives an hour south of me.
I can't go on like this ... the fear, grief, pain, "impending doom" is unrelenting with only brief moments of distraction, relief, suppression or numb-out. The accumulation of the past several years of loss has hit me like a house falling on me ... I am not functioning, I feel incredibly stuck, and cannot figure out why or how to "go on" ... and yet ... oh god, I want to survive and thrive again...!
I am afraid to hope, but daring to hope, that this session (or however many) will go deep, and enable me to find me, and to live, again.
Dena, this simple, gentle experience is pointing beyond itself, beyond any words, beyond any concept of 'me'. When the mind gets out of the way at last, the universe, God, Source, whatever, steps in and sorts everything out in its naturally, effortlessly loving and infallible way. It does this because its nature is to look after itself in all its forms, and that includes the form called Dena. All the angst is the labour pains of rebirth, giving birth to the true self, which was always there, but hiding.
Universe Got Talent, and some:)
Hi Dena! Long time no "see".
How interesting that you have been going through something rather akin to what I have also. Bodywork ... retracing those steps to let go of that stuff. I love what you say here about the mind feeling a little pissed off because it's not in on the action ;p
I hope the experience was what you hoped it would be. I am doing similar sort of work at the moment and it's interesting ... fascinating ... but a funny place too, when there are no memories that come with it (except for one new memory that has come up lately for me that seems entirely unrelated to what I've been doing - the inner tubes we used to use in our swimming pool. They must have been from trucks, I think, to be that big for us to use).
Hope you're well.
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