The Trouble with Transformations ~ Part IV

(Egads! Will she *ever* stop yammering about transformation?!?)

LOL - maybe, maybe not! Truth is, almost everything I write about, everything I live about, everything I think about, is resting on a foundation of transformation ... I've come to see that it's THE point of life ... the focus in life. All of the scriptures, and all of every other religion, points to an inner-transformation (of the mind).

One of the troubles with transformation, is that religion has tended to see this transformation as something to be mandated and enforced from the outside -- to manipulate and control the people so that they conform to the external standards of the prevailing group-think ... and imagining that this compliance equals transformation. Jesus had something to say about that concept ... something about whitewashed tombs filled with dead man's bones ... somehow that doesn't strike me as an endorsement for that approach to transformation ...!

I had a conversation about this in the past couple of days -- the discussion centered on the concept of "correcting the errant ones" (actually, I rather inspired the discussion -- there are entire realms of Christianity wherein I'm considered to be errant, and deceived, and deceptive, and dangerous, and heretical, but I really don't want to brag ;)) ... I'll share the essence of the conversation here. After a rather long indictment against the errant ones (complete with a list of what the errors were), I said this:

I notice that pride, particularly religious pride (the sort that was focused on sidelining and excluding others) was the only issue that Jesus railed against. He met the "sinners" where they were ... was known (derisively) as "friend of sinners" and was accused of being a drunkard (oh, and in cahoots with the devil, too).

Makes me wonder if those of us who "keep sinning," and those of us who "keep pointing fingers at those who keep sinning" haven't both missed the point ... wondering if it's all a matter of not yet encountering the living Presence of Christ, who alone can touch hearts and transform lives, from the inside-out ...?

Wondering, too, if we haven't gotten the nature of God "all wrong"...?

I can't help but recall Jesus' story of the prodigal (which is really a story about the heart & nature of the Father) ... in this story the father is in every way the total opposite of the expected male patriarch. He allows the son to make choices against him, and even empowers him to do so by giving him the inheritance. Later, when the son has come to his senses (after coming to learn from the consequences of his choices -- the only way we seem to learn), the Father refuses to exercise his right to restore order, or impose a punishment. Both the son's leaving and the son's returning are seen as both necessary and painful -- a gift of adult freedom. The God I experience from this story is a Father who refuses to "own" us, refuses to demand our submission, refuses to punish our rebellion. This God respects our freedom, mourns for our perceived alienation, waits patiently (& expectantly) for our return, and accepts our (mixed-motived) love as a gift. When the Father speaks to the disgruntled older brother, I see a God who teaches us to not prefer the security of law over the adventure of grace.

And most shocking of all, I see this: The power God refuses to assume over us is surely *not* given by God to any human over another...!

I see that we get this penchant to rule over others, to correct others, to control others' thoughts and actions, *not* from Jesus, but from the Pharisees Jesus rebuked.

Ok, let's just say that it didn't go over too well...! ;)

Here's the reply:

On the contrary! Jesus the Messiah desires to rule over us. Jesus the Messiah corrected others all of the time, and he still does (Read the Gospels and Revelation to see where I'm getting that notion). Jesus the Messiah desires to control our thoughts and action by means of the Holy Spirit. None of these things you listed is wrong in and of itself. It is HOW these things are done that differentiates from Jesus' way and the way of the Pharisees whom Jesus rebuked.

Methinks we're comparing apples and oranges here. Now, while I do see that Jesus said that His Spirit would lead us into all truth, I don't see anything about Him wanting to "control" our thoughts and actions. I think the entire purpose of this earthly experience is for us to learn to exercise our choices, and to learn from the consequences of those choices, and to voluntarily yield ourselves to the higher truth that we learn to know in Christ (the true meaning of the word "submit," BTW).

Knowing that my words were likely falling on rocky soil here, and yet being willing to sow seeds, if at all possible, and because I find more profit in conversation than in conversion (& also because I learn as I share), I did respond, as follows:

LOL - of course He does...!

But with a different spirit than how we humans try to do it (ego vs. Spirit).

He told us specifically to *not* lord over one another ... it's what the Gentiles, those who do not yet know God, tend to do -- it is an unction of the ego. Christianity has become (no, always was) ego-writ-large, and institutionalized.

Simple church (i.e., house church/organic church), in missing that, simply does the same thing, on a smaller, more intimate (often more damaging) scale.

Jesus taught us, through His life and actions, that nothing brings down the walls of division as much as acceptance does. When we learn this, when we can go to those we deem to be "sinners", those who we label as "errant", and give them the gift that Jesus gave (understanding and acceptance), we enhance their and our own spiritual growth. We can dare to see more worth in others than they can see in themselves -- just as Jesus did, and does, with us.

Change that's rooted in non-love doesn't solve anything -- have we not learned that? Have we not yet learned, throughout church history, that when we meet a problem with the same level of awareness (hate vs. hate, anger vs. anger, fear vs. fear), we only exacerbate the problem? Have we not yet learned of our penchant to act out of our own carnal/egoic desires, and to project it onto God, as if HE led us to exhibit hatred and sanctioned our self-righteousness?

Have we not yet learned that external conflicts are only mirrors of our own internal struggles (hence the mandate of how to contend with logs and specks)? When we see an external conflict -- particularly in one whom we deem to be errant and in need of correction -- it's an outward sign of what's going on within ourselves..! It's a message that we're in need of healing. We only see the "error" in another one, because of what's already within our own hearts. We project our own stuff onto others, because we don't *want* to see it in ourselves ... if we put it "out there," we get instead to scapegoat, blame, malign and cast out (we do this most dramatically with the devil) ... but the reality is we still have that very same error within our own hearts, only now we believe our own "story" that we got rid of it ... ensuring that we're all the more blind to our own stuff. Do we not see that this is the very hypocrisy that Jesus came against? The only thing that Jesus came against...

We have to come to see that the oppressor and the victim, the sinner and the sinned-against, the weak and the powerful, the evil and the righteous -- all exist within ourselves.

It's not overcome by a battle (a carnal/egoic thought in itself), but through the process of absorption ... darkness is a no-thing/nothing ... when Light is shined upon it, it evaporates, being absorbed by the Light ... so too is evil a no-thing, the shadow of resistance to God who is Omnipotent ... not a challenge to God, but only a challenge to our minds. As we think in our hearts, we are. We can change how we think in our hearts, as we look deeply, see the shadows, and allow the Light to shine, transforming us from the inside-out. Transformation happens by the renewal of our minds, not by the correcting of our (or anyone else's) behaviors.

Christianity has long been obsessed and fixated with fixing up the outsides of ourselves and others -- while ignoring the inner wounds that need healing. We shoot our wounded, and call it "ministry". We point fingers while ignoring what's going on within us. We tend to scream the loudest about that which we most strongly deny within ourselves.

Jesus met the sinners where they were, in the thick of their sin, looked deeply into them, saw what was there, loved them, embraced them, accepted them ... and only *then* said "go and sin no more"... after the assurance of *no condemnation*. Only then, only when we know that we are loved and accepted *while still sinners*, can we come to see that we no longer need to seek acceptance through counterfeit means, no longer need to seek identity through carnal/egoic means, no longer need to numb out self-hatred through self-medicating means ... when we know, really KNOW how much we are loved and accepted *while we still perceive ourselves to be God's enemies,* the darkness of our self-deception is obliterated and absorbed by His all-consuming Light, and we see ourselves - finally! - -as HE does, as the beloved, as the offspring of God that we always were (as Paul affirms), as the ones Jesus came to liberate from captivity -- and what holds us more in captivity than the very lies that we unknowingly believe...? (as Paul affirms, we are only enemies "in our minds")

He came to set the captives free ... to show us that we belong to God ... He still (& always will) leave the 99 to seek after the one (or one billion) who is lost ... seeking not until it's "too late", but seeking until He finds them. And when we are found by Him, what more do we need?

Maybe most of us don't yet know, really know, how much we are loved, how much we are treasured ... maybe most of us don't yet know that He has found us...?

If we knew, if we really knew ... how would we live? How would we respond to God? How would we see ourselves? How would we treat all others ...?

Shalom, Dena

The Trouble with Transformation ~ Part III

I trust that you, like me, desire more than anything to follow the Spirit's lead into all Truth, as we can bear it. I trust that you, like me, desire to embody love, in all of it's pure expressions, even while acknowledging and honoring that we, in this human form, cannot help but do so imperfectly ... embracing the gift of that, in that we learn from our mistakes far more than we learn from our successes.

While we're enroute, it's far too easy to misunderstand each other ... far too easy to confuse egos (our own and those of others) with who a person really is -- their spirit. Our perspectives are just too limited, too based on our past-experiences-grid, too focused on what we *think* we know. I prefer to see through my limited perceptions, and discern the heart/spirit of the person behind the presentation. That, too, is a work in progress -- I am a mixture of Unlearning and RElearning and REmembering ... quite the wild and adventurous (and messy!) process, no? Perhaps that's why we're told to be so lavishly generous with our love for one another, while IN this process together ...

I do trust the Spirit to lead ... even despite our own human inclination to "miss the point". I believe God knows our inherent limitations far more than we do, knows FAR more our proclivity to be deceived (to self-deceive!), and works with even that, for our good. I trust the process, I trust the bigger-picture, because I trust God. We're just not a match for Him...! Woo-HOO!

I trust that we will know His Voice, and follow Him ... and that we will not follow the thief nor the stranger, even if it takes starting after either of those, for a season, and thus learning from that experience ... I see that we come to God, not because we get it "all right", but because of how He seeks after the lost one(s) 'til He finds them -- thus, we come to God even because of how we keep getting it "all wrong".

My spirit breathes a sigh of relief at this awareness ... I don't have to strive ... I don't have to attain or maintain the "right path." God, who is Omnipresent, Omnipotent, Omniscient, is on my side. He's on your side. EVERYTHING, including (& especially!) our blunders, our mistakes, and our seeming tragedies, work to our good ...

We *can* trust Him, and thus live this, the Abundant Life, with optimism and unfettered JOY...!

Why not...?

Shalom, Dena

The Trouble with Transformation ~ Part II

This sharing has been heavy on my heart ... as I'm currently experiencing the imminent loss of a relationship, due to the transformations I've personally gone through in the past few years. My heart is heavy with a plethora of emotions ... remembering the many good times, as well as the wretchedly painful times, trying to reconcile it all in my mind ... trying to honor it all, and hold it all in my heart ... wanting to see it all from God's higher/deeper transcendent-perceptive ... to better understand, to better learn from it, to better live with it as part of the joy/pain ambiguity that makes up so very much of the human adventure.

I can assure you of two things:

- Transformation can indeed be very, very costly.
- Transformation is ultimately worth what it costs.

I'll be writing largely from a place of heavy emotion in this post, rather than from an organized mind ... so bear with me, and hopefully it will all fall into place before it's said and done.

I see transformation as a necessary-but-messy process ... not unlike the birth process. Both are conceived in a moment of wild-abandon ... both end up with an "expansion" ... both come to an agonizing place of transition ... and both end up giving birth to a new form of life. If you ask either one, in the midst of the transition, if it's a joyous thing, you're likely to be hit, or bit or annihilated, LOL! Oh, and let's not forget that the "new life" must be nurtured, treasured, honored and loved. Neither will thrive well with benign neglect, much less abuse.

During that transition-time, when we're no longer what we were, and yet not quite what we will be, it's agonizing, no doubt about it. There's a sort of "shuffling of normalcy", when we're off-center, askew, flailing. And usually sporting a dazed, wide-eyed expression. It feels like a falling-apart ... like utter chaos. That which we thought we knew, thought we were standing upon, is gone, shattered, and it can feel like a free-fall. and yet, this pattern of falling apart precedes each transition to a new vista of faith. If we're not prepared (or don't learn how) to live with the inevitable anxiety that the chaos ushers in, then we can't well move into deeper awarenesses of faith, or more intimacy with God.

I notice that each encounter with God in scripture, each transition-account, begins with a warning to not be afraid. Fear is to be expected ... it's a given. But we don't have to give in to it ... we can truly come to see that while it can *feel* like our lives are falling apart, our lives are finally coming together ... perhaps for the first time.

Letting go of what we *think* we know to be true (or even "all truth"), letting go of what's familiar, is painful -- it's a strong suffering. But the old has to die to make room for the new ... it's a way of life, if we're going to follow Jesus (He's the Way ... the way out of the old, and into the new ... not just once, but repeatedly).

The old paradigm of thinking is black and white, right and wrong, good and evil -- duality. Such a perspective has been called a "dangerous naivete" ... it doesn't know, but it thinks it does. In thinking it knows, it resists anything new from coming in. But in the new paradigm, darkness and light coexist ... paradox is a way of life. In this realm, death is a part of life, and failure is part of being victorious ... and we learn from our mistakes. Opposites crash and unite ... and everything belongs (it always did). In this realm, there is nothing profane ("outside the temple"), for all is holy.

But there's no "direct flight" from the first paradigm to the second ... most of us have to go through the transformational/transitional stages ... and sometimes repeatedly. It always feels like we're falling apart ... we have to move outside our comfort zones, and allow ourselves the permission to feel lost and confused for a time. The previous ways die away, so that the new ways can emerge. For a while, we're in "no man's land."

It seems to me that the most profound transitions tend to occur in the second half of life (or, perhaps earlier, if the person has "lived hard" and has been shaken out of complacency earlier). I've heard it said that the challenge of the second half of life is very often the re-embracing of what we have long denied, rejected and feared. We come face to face with that which we've spent a lifetime avoiding ... it's as if our "repression sphincter muscle" wears out, or it's warranty expires...!

Transformation is not only terrifying to those who go through it, but to those who witness it. Transformation upsets status quo ... it can throw relationships off-balance - particularly if the relationship was invested in following a script (subconsciously, of course). When our equilibrium is threatened, we tend to self-protect ... to shut down, to hold back, to go within. So it can be in relationships when one is transforming in a particular way, and the other is not. All too often, the relationship can be sacrificed, in favor of feeling "safe and secure" with what's familiar. I wonder how many transformations have been cut short and abandoned, because the one transforming couldn't take the abandonment of those who didn't understand...? How many quit the journey, in favor of conforming to group-think?

I honestly don't see transformation as optional. We can put it off, sure, but to our detriment. The only constant in life, it seems, is change. To live in the now, the present moment (the only moment in which we can engage with God who is called "I AM"), we have to let go of who we were yesterday ... we have to go with "what is" in the present moment... the eternal now. Unfortunately, most of our culture, particularly the Christian culture, focuses either on the glorified past, or the ever-pending utopian future. When we forfeit the now, we miss life, and we resist transformation ... perhaps the only suffering greater than transformation is the suffering that comes with the resistance of transformation.

So, is it worth it? Is it worth it to allow ourselves to be transformed from who we *thought* we were into who we *really* are (and this, I believe, is a huge part of following Christ)? Is it worth it when friends abandon us, when family questions our sanity, when churches excommunicate us, when communities misunderstand and blame us?

Only you can answer for yourself. After a lifetime of living-in-conformity (no, I was merely existing, not living), and after a shorter time of experiencing severe transformation (with all of the inherent fall-out), I can say, "YES." I can say it with tears, with a heavy heart, with an ache in my soul ... and yet I say it with transcendent joy that over-arches the pain ... no, it embraces and absorbs the pain, transforming it into more joy. Odd though that sounds, it's what I've experienced, as I've learned - to my utter astonishment - that it is, indeed, worth it.

Have you ever run into those rare folks who have been chewed up and spit out, and yet there's something deep shining out of their eyes? Yeah, those ones know about the paradoxical pain/joy of transition and transformation. Hang out with those folks ... you can learn a lot by just being in their presence ... even if they never utter a word.

Methinks there's a Part III wanting to get out ...

Shalom, Dena

An Interlude Between "Transformations"

I want to get back to my thoughts on Transformations (it's really been on my mind ... it's gestating -- wants to get out), but I had a life-snagging day, and tomorrow will be taken over with a get-together with some dear friends who want to better understand "what we believe and why."

In the meanwhile, I have this to share:

I'm thinking we all need to challenge our own thinking, and even our beliefs ... rather than to assume that everything we've been told to believe/think is true. IF it's true, it'll stand up to all manner of scrutiny ... if it doesn't stand up, then it should fall, not being true. I don't fear questioning anything any more (though I used to cower in terror!) -- and I've discovered that I've been duped by MUCH of what humans have passed off as tradition -- the traditions of man continue to nullify the word of God (which isn't just what's in the Bible -- He's always speaking into our hearts, but what we *think* we know can get in the way of what He's revealing there ... the Spirit continues to lead us into all truth, as we can bear it).

I was struck with what I read this morning, from Richard Rohr's "Simplicity":

We all want to love, but as a rule we don't know how to love rightly. How should we love so that life will really come form it? I believe that what we all need is wisdom. I'm very disappointed that we in the Church have passed on so little wisdom. Often the only thing we've taught people is to think that they're right - or that they're wrong. We've either mandated things or forbidden them. But we haven't helped people to enter upon the narrow and dangerous path of true wisdom. On this path we take the risk of making mistakes. On this path we take the risk of being wrong. That's how wisdom is gained. On the spiritual path the enemy isn't pain - it's fear of pain. We haven't become wise because we're so afraid of pain. For far too long we've confined people to a sort of security zone - a safe place of feeling smugly "right." But failure and falling short are the best teachers, success and certaintude have practically nothing to teach on the spiritual path -- and may even divert one from the spiritual path. The great temptation of the Church has been to imprison the Gospel in our heads. Up there we can be right or wrong, our position can be correct or false, but in any case everything remains firmly in our grip.

But we live in a world that is a mixture of darkness and light, of good and evil. Jesus spoke of the field in which wheat and weeds grow alongside each other... and we're told to let both grow alongside each other 'til harvest. We need a lot of patience and humility to live with a field of both weeds and wheat in our own souls. We'll never conquer evil if we launch a frontal assault. If we do that we may incorporate into ourselves the energy and the weapons of evil. We can end up turning into what we halt. That's why Jesus told us to love our enemies; otherwise, we become just like them.

We hardly ever see our own sin - we tend to rationalize our sin away as virtue. For this reason we need help in recognizing that we ourselves are a mixture of good and evil. There is no perfect political system, nor any perfect religious system. Jesus advised us to take a humble position in this world - a position of nonparticipation in the lie.

I notice that whenever I encounter something I dislike in another ... it's a clear sign that I'm projecting what I dislike in myself -- it's easier to see it in the "other" than to face it in myself. But I notice that Jesus tells us to deal with the log in our own eye, before we even attempt to fix the speck in the eye of another.

When I've done this (& I wonder why I don't *always* do this...), I notice that without my own log, there doesn't seem to be a need to deal with the speck ... either it's no longer there, or no longer important ... or I realize that it never was my business in the first place. "What's that to you? You follow Me." Yes, Jesus, I want to do that ... keep reminding me.

We don't have to be seduced by the power of fear. Notice how many times in scripture we're told to "fear not." Fear is the opposite of love -- fear is the *second* most powerful force in the universe, but LOVE is far stronger (we just don't trust it -- we perceive it as "weak"). If we start to look, really look, we'll see that everything we do/think/believe comes out of either love or fear at it's root. It is AMAZING how very much of what contemporary Christianity teaches that's really rooted in fear. "Love/obey God or else you will be punished eternally." That's not love..! That's fear. That's not of God. Instead, we follow God as a *result* of finally realizing how very much He loves us, unconditionally, no matter what, and that nothing can separate us from that love (nothing! including ourselves and our choices!), and THEN, out of that joy, we love and follow Him. We've got it backwards, and it's just not working.

We can trust Him with ALL things ... Ultimately, whatever we encounter matters not. We can stop being afraid, stop trying to fix, stop trying to control, and enjoy this beautiful world, this precious life, that He's given us as gifts...!

Shalom, Dena

The Trouble with Transformation - Part I

Y'know, transformation ain't all sweetness and light...! Those of you who have experienced transformation know *exactly* what I'm talking about..! Status quo resists change, and religion is all about defending status quo. And life is about change ... there's no way to be transformed by the renewal of our minds without change. It's a given -- the only constant is that we all change.

But there's a teaching in some circles ... that since God is the same yesterday, today and forever, since God doesn't change, then we shouldn't either. The teaching seems to imply that if we've found the Truth, then we have ALL truth, and we mustn't change, and we must defend our version of the truth from anything/anyone deemed to be a threat.

And so, when we change, and if we dare to share that change, if we share the things we're learning, the things we're discovering, we can expect to be attacked.

Those who attack us, who come against us, who even dismiss and shun us, because of what we believe, are likely doing what they believe they must, based on the theology they believe. I used to believe the same way, and I sure scorned, warned and shunned my fair share of those I deemed to be "deceived and deceptive." I now deeply regret & abhor the damage caused ... both to the one being maligned, and the one doing the maligning.

They're doing the best they can - we all are. Hence Jesus' last prayer for us all ... "forgive them - for they know not what they are doing."

They mean well ... for them, it seems, the end justify the means.

I believe they're doing what they believe God is calling them to do ... what they must therefore do. They may see those they theologically disagree with as deceived, dangerous -- and that others (the "sheep") must be protected from what is being shared. There comes a time when people will kill others (or kill their reputation/character), thinking they are doing God a favor ...

They (& the rest of us) come by this honestly ... Christianity teaches us that it all boils down to "having the right beliefs" ... which is not far removed from "doing the right things." Meritology is meritology, no matter how we spin it.

Like the ancient Israelites, we believe that we *must* kill off those around us who believe/behave differently than the "pure" way we're taught to believe/behave -- and, like them, we mistakenly attribute this genocide to the will and command of God (God made us in His image, and we've been returning the favor ever since ...). Of course, we kill-off much more subtly these days, in our civilized sophistication ... not wanting to get our hands dirty. But what if Jesus really meant what He said about harboring hatred in our hearts...? I know I need to really be open to what He has to show me about that. Hating others is all too easy, and all too easy to religiously justify.

Grace has always been a radical and scandalous assault to our minds ... it strikes us as licentious & irresponsible slippery-slopedness. Not trusting in the absolute power of God's Love, we resort instead to fear (the second-most powerful force in the universe). We settle for it because of the benefits of control - we feel secure and "safe" when we feel in control, which requires controlling others, in the name of "correctional Christian love" of course. I mean, if we aren't allowed to get away with anything, we'll be darned if we let anyone else get away with anything. Reminds me of the quote I've heard, (paraphrased) - "the self-righteous lie awake at night, unable to sleep, thinking that someone, somewhere is getting away with something..."

Our human nature is such that we want so desperately to earn God's favor ... whether by good works, or by right beliefs, it matters not -- it's the same compulsion, the same misunderstanding of the nature of God's heart. A free gift is a huge insult to our natures. The "need" to earn, to see ourselves as "good enough" or even "better than" requires that we have those who are "less than" to compare ourselves to. It's a subtle thing that we're very good at denying.

In order to be God's "chosen ones" in our own minds, we must see ourselves as separate from "others" and we must attack and malign those who are different from us. We don't understand connection, we feel separated from God, and in that state of "fallenness" we feel we need to compete for God ... as if there's not enough of Him to go around. As if He's not really Omnipresent, as well as Omniscient and Omnipotent. As if He's limited, exclusional, conditional, powerless, and stuck with our ignorant choices ... as if He's been relegated to "Plan B" by our choices ... as if He's got nothing going for Him, and has to resort to people being threatened and scared into "relationship" with Him ... poor God...!

I've come to know a different God than the one others told me about. He's bigger and better than anything I was told. He's too good to *not* be true. He's amazing ... beyond anything I had dared to believe.

Yeah, LOL, I know some folks think I believe in satan, disguised as "god"...! 'Tis ok - they said that about Jesus, too.

I rejoice that He came to set the captives free ... & that's all of us, who are variously enslaved to the many lies we believe (some of those lies are called "doctrines", so they're particularly pernicious). He loves us all enough to not leave us where we are, but will lead us all into all truth.

One day, we'll all have a great laugh about the things we thought we knew ... and we will most likely even cry a bit about how we unknowingly harmed one another in our ignorance. But He'll be right there, smiling, wiping those tears from our eyes...

Shalom, Dena

God's Most Dangerous Disguise

Ready for some provocative stuff...? Do we dare to let ourselves conceive of God through what has traditionally been considered "profane"...?

(Though, honestly, profane comes from the Latin words pro fanum - or "outside the Temple" ... the veil has been torn ... there is now nothing separated from that which is holy, and there is no need for a temple ... I see that we are in the time in which everything is said to be "Holy unto the Lord", but I digress ...)

- My guess is that how we relate to one thing is probably how we relate to everything. How we relate sexually is probably a good teacher and indicator of how we relate to God (& how we relate to God is probably a good teacher and indicator of how we will relate to everything else). Religion and relationship are one, it seems. Religion, as the very word re-ligio, indicates, is the task of putting our divided realities back together: human and divine, male and female, heaven and earth, sin and salvation, mistake and glory. The mystics are those who put it together very well. Many faithful lovers, artists, and seers put it together without even knowing that they might be mystics ...

(Well alrighty then, let's just dive right in! I like that -- putting our divided realities back together. Dualistic thinking so very much permeates our consciousness, that we tend to not question it ... and yet perhaps the concept of us being whole, integrated, is a deeper and truer reality. Perhaps "opposites" are meant to be observed, for context, but not meant to be definitive of our truest identity and experience ...)

- Let me offer the words of a Moslem mystic, Shams-ud-din Mohammed Hafiz (1320-89), who writes Person poetry with such integration between human love and divine love that the reader often loses the awareness of which is which. Listen to his "You Left a Thousand Women Crazy":

Beloved,
Last Time,
When you walked through the city
So beautiful and so naked,

You left a thousand women crazy
And impossible to live with.

You left a thousand married men
Confused about their gender.

Children ran from their classrooms,
And teachers were glad you came.

And the sun tried to break out
Of its royal cage in the sky
And at last, and at last,
Lay it's Ancient Love at Your feet.

(Whew! What does that imagery do to you -- do you cringe, thinking it "improper"? Does it seem to invade through some well-fortressed boundary? Does it strike you as dangerous? Or are you able to see how God, who invented sexuality and its inherent power, means to use it as a deeper-than-physical message of how HE wants our relationship with Him to be..? So why are we taught to separate God from sexuality within traditional Christianity? What happened to "naked and unashamed"? Is it lost to us? Can it be recaptured, metaphorically, experientially?)

- One would think that if there were any religion that would have most welcomed this integration [of spirituality and sexuality] it would be Christianity. After all, it's the only world religion that believes that God became a human body. We call this the "Incarnation" and we call him "Jesus." And yet, Christianity has relegated the body to a shadowy realm. This hardly demands verification after a cursory look at the tragic sexual state, the pollution of the physical earth, or gross unbalanced consumerism, our pendulum swings between obesity and dieting, between "couch-potato numbness and obsessive fitness concerns. Sex is the one "sin" in America that we are all supposed to be upset and shocked about - "while omitting the weightier matters of the Law - justice, mercy and good faith." We are clearly not very at home in our bodies, and Jesus came to show us that it is our human and this-world experience that we must and can trust. It is our necessary and good starting point. Because of the Incarnation, the material world becomes the privileged place for the divine encounter. But most of us are still shooting for the stars. We are looking at ascents and "higher states of consciousness" and moral perfectionism, while Jesus quite simply comes "and lives among us."

(Much there to consider, no? I love how this ties in so beautifully with what Kevin Beck shared yesterday. If we were *only* to be having a spiritual experience, why would God go to the trouble of putting us in human bodies, on this physical planet..? The goal, it seems to me, is not to either negate this physical world, nor to be mesmerized by it, but to see beyond it, to the more true-truth of our spiritual reality, and to bring that spiritual awareness back INTO the physical realm ... while being IN the world and not OF it, we are nevertheless to fully enjoy and celebrate the gift of this physical/earth experience. Jesus, in choosing to inhabit human flesh, has shown us, definitively and without question, that human flesh is still, and always has been "Very Good", as God first declared us to be. And yes, this includes the gift and beauty of our sexuality ... God, the inventor of sex, is very pro-sex.)

- I know what [some of] you are thinking - and feeling. "This is dangerous stuff!" "What if it's all wrong?" "Where might this lead us?" "How do I know that this is not another excuse for narcissism, sensuality, and people hurting people?"

(Y'know, that's possible! But those things are happening right now, have always *been* happening, even with all the many prohibitions -- or perhaps, in part because of them. Including amongst Christians. How many happy, healthy, peaceful, well-adjusted Christians do you know? A lot? A few? Don't the few stand out in stark contrast to the many? Where is the proof that we've actually discovered the power of the truth that Christianity claims it declares? The current twisted sexual climate isn't just the result of human "sin" but also due to not discovering how to be whole and integrated - and thus healed - in the sexual realm. "Just say no" doesn't work, and it ain't wisdom...! One could make a case that it, like fear, is the beginning of wisdom - at least for those in puberty or addiction - but we've got to get beyond the beginning and discover how God really sees sexuality, so that we can be free to use the gift in the way in which it was intended. We may need to go deeper, in order to see what's going on beneath the surface here ...)

- The forgiveness inherent in our faith teaches that all of us are much larger than the good or bad stories we tell about ourselves. Your life is not about "you." It is part of a much larger stream called God. Faith might be precisely that ability to trust the river, to trust the flow and the lover. It is process that we don't have to change, coerce, or improve. We need to allow it to flow. That takes immense confidence in God, especially when we're hurting. Usually, I can feel myself getting panicky. I want to make things right quickly. I lose my ability to be present and I go up into my head and start obsessing. I tend to be overfocused and I hate it because then I'm not really feeling anymore. I'm into goal-orientation, trying to push or even create the river - the river that is already flowing through me. But faith does not need to push the river precisely because it is able to trust that there is a river. The river is flowing and we are in it. The river is God's providential love - so do not be afraid.

(I adore Richard's transparency here -- it invites me to follow suit, to not be afraid of revealing who I am, and how I struggle ... when we reveal ourselves, we take away the power of shame, of secrecy ... we can all relate, and we can laugh at the absurdity of our follies ... we're all in this together, and we don't need to continue the false burden of pretending that we're other than where we are, stumbling our way into all truth, as He leads. It's OK. Very OK.)

- We need not give emotional food or charge to our fears or become attached to them. We don't even have to shame ourselves for having these fears. Simply ask your fears, "What are you saying to me about what is real?" What are you trying to teach me?" Some say that FEAR is merely an acronym for "false evidence appearing real." Ask yourself, "what am I afraid of?" "Does it matter?" "Is it worth holding onto?" We have to ask whether it is fear that keeps us from loving. I promise you, grace will lead us into those fears and voids, and grace alone will fill them up. If we are willing to stay in the void. We mustn't engineer an answer too quickly. We must not get too settled too fast. For it is so easy to manufacture an answer to take away the anxiety.

(If only we could each see how very much our fears are influencing, if not *ruling* us! If only we could stop running from our fears, denying them, suppressing them, and pretending we're "just fine, praise the Lord" and allow the Lord, who is the one exposing our fears, to take us into them, show us the no-things that they really are, and then show us the truth that both replaces them and sets us free...! This, in essence, is the renewal of the mind. We get so busy defending our fears - wrongly assuming them to be our required foundations, the glue that keeps us in "relationship" with God - that we instead blame the person/circumstance who is "triggering" our fears, or we blame the "devil" for tempting us. All the while, we're really resisting God's attempts to heal us from the inside-out, and we thus ensure that we'll just have to go "round that rock again." Like the Israelites, we can stay in the desert for 40 years, or else we can let God lead us through the necessary wilderness more efficiently. It takes what it takes, and nothing is wasted -- it all depends on whether we're yet ready, yet "able to bear" the "much more" that Jesus has for us - the "all truth" that the Spirit is leading us into. It seems to me that we either circle the familiar with our fear, or else we step out onto the less-traveled path in love -- the choice is ours. NOTE: this is not about "destination" ... we're already IN God. this is about awareness and experience -- *how* we will experience this current life ... will it be the status quo life, or the Abundant Life...?)

- What must be sacrificed, and it will feel like a sacrifice, is the attachment and the strange satisfaction that problem-solving gives us. Don't you feel good when you've solved problems at the end of the day? We say to ourselves, "I'm an effective, productive, efficient human being. I've earned my right to existence today because I've solved ten problems."

(That cracks me up! How does he *know* my before-bed litany?!? As a mama of 8, I'm forever behind on my "to do" list ... and with my creative personality, I can procrastinate with the best of 'em! Just sitting around waiting for creational motivation to fall on my lap and possess me..! So, on those days when I do get much accomplished -- particularly those long-put-off nag-fest things -- I DO feel like an effective, productive and efficient human being ...! Hmmm... what does that say about me?)

- We mustn't lead with our judgments and fears. We shouldn't lead with our need to fix and solve problems. This is the agenda-filled calculating mind that cannot see things through God's eyes. We must not get rid of the anxiety until we have learned what it wants to teach us.

(Ahhh, everything wants to teach me something! But of course ... this is a school of love. An environment perfectly set up to challenge and shake up every concept I erroneously learn early in life, so that I can come to know that I don't know, which enables me to *really* know...! The blessed irony of it all!)

- We need to be able to both cry and laugh at life ... weeping is different from beating up on ourselves [or others]. Weeping is a gentle release of water that washes and renews. Weeping leads to owning our complicity in the problem. Weeping is the opposite of blaming and also the opposite of denying. It leads to deep healing when inspired by the Spirit. On the other hand, if you can't laugh after fifty or sixty years, we probably haven't done things well. Were taking ourselves too seriously; we have not discerned the mystery. Remember, everything finally belongs. If we can't laugh, we are probably holding our debts against ourselves and we haven't accepted forgiveness.

(Or ... to go a bit deeper, perhaps there was nothing to be forgiven for...? Perhaps that was a human misperception that came out of our own shame and fear, and sense of false-separation ...? Maybe ...)

Wondering now, could our fear of being human, fully human, humanity-that-God-delights-in, be keeping us from fully appreciating, stewarding and celebrating our sexuality? Do we need to do some questioning of our own thinking, our own beliefs behind the thinking? Thoughts about our bodies ("not good enough," "dirty," "sinful"), thoughts about sex ("God turns His head everytime we "do the nasty" "Good Christian women/men don't enjoy sex" "God puts up with sex in order to get more babies out of the equation"). May God show us what we really believe, and replace our licentious and/or repressive thinking with the truth about sex, the beauty of sex, and yes - the JOY of sex, as He intended it when He came up with it...!

Shalom, Dena

The Seduction of Spiritual Striving ...!

There are SO many good blogs "out there" -- so many folks are seeing wonderful things, and putting glorious insights into spirit-infused words ... but rarely do I feel compelled to take an entire blog entry, or an article, and put it here in my own blog.

Well, today is one of those rare days ...!

My good friend Kevin Beck is a profoundly good writer -- he is able to transmit thoughts and nebulous concepts into provocative words -- and yet, in a way that invites conversation, more than "conversion." His words invite us to enter and consider another perspective, to try it on for size, and walk around in it for a bit, just to see how it fits. I've rarely met such a compassionate, understanding, gracious and real human being. I am blessed by his friendship, and I hope to bless all of YOU with what he writes here ... I'll share what he wrote first, and then include my comments, which burst out of me in a symphony of joy, in response to what I read...!

Parousia
August 3, 2009


Behold! The dwelling of God is with humanity.

Spiritually Undisciplined

"The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear the sound of it but cannot tell where it comes from or where it goes. So is everyone who is born of the spirit."
~ Jesus of Nazareth

You feel something is amiss. You want to develop your spiritual self, but you have a nagging sense that something isn't right -- that you aren't right.

Would a spiritual person have unsavory feelings, base urges, and lingering struggles? Spiritual people don't laugh at juvenile jokes, think about sex, or lapse in their religious practices. Do they?

You know the advice. Shape up spiritually. Exercise your inner self. Whip yourself into becoming a better person, into being the person you believe you ought to be.

It's common to harbor some laughably unrealistic assumptions of what constitutes spirituality. You must do, think, feel, and act in prescribed patterns. You must avoid specific places, emotions, and behaviors.

Spiritual people teach profound truth. They walk slightly above the ground, speak infinite wisdom, and spend an inordinate amount of time in an otherworldly trance. Spiritual people wear spiritual clothes, eat spiritual food, and eliminate spiritual waste through their spiritual bowels.

To achieve this advanced spiritual condition we've assumed that we must quell our humanity. Do not touch, do not taste, do not handle. If you set aside all of your lower desires, you can eventually obtain your higher ones.

How do you learn the method of relinquishing your supposedly inferior longings? You might engage in what has been bizarrely called spiritual disciplines.

These alleged spiritual disciplines come in several flavors. Fasting, reading, poverty, self-flagellation are just a few. Theoretically, if you exercise your spiritual will properly it will develop enough strength to overcome your carnal will. When that finally occurs, you will achieve a breakthrough and receive an awakening that will transform you into what you've always wanted to be.

Unfortunately, none of this striving equates to a spiritual awakening.

Of course, if you perform certain activities you will undergo changes and perhaps even attain ecstatic states. There is too much evidence -- anecdotal and experimental -- to suggest otherwise. For example, scientific studies have conclusively shown that the brain changes in and after meditation.

But that does not amount to spiritual attainment. In fact, your spiritual disciplines may deceive you into thinking that you're becoming more spiritual when you are fully spiritual already.

Consider the so-called spiritual discipline of fasting. If you go several days without eating, you will feel great hunger. And if you refrain from food in hope of receiving some enlightenment, you will likely interpret your intensifying hunger as a sign of your spiritual development. If you go long enough without eating, your hunger may trigger experiences that you interpret as spiritual epiphanies.

The same holds true for the innumerable other disciplines. It is akin to the placebo effect. If you believe that activity X will cause a spiritual incident, your expectation will probably be fulfilled when you engage in activity X.

But is there any reason to assume that spiritual disciplines must be physically painful? Does intentionally imposed physical distress trigger spiritual development? Can't there be paths to illumination and inner development that do not involve customary formulas?

Joseph Dispenza is a former monk who eventually renounced his vows when realizing that spirituality can transcend traditional procedures. He writes about his spiritual life in the book God on Your Own. "Poverty, chastity, and obedience formed the foundation of our monastic way of life. The objective was to be free to concentrate completely on the life of the spirit without allowing anything to interfere."

Dispenza makes a brilliant observation. We often suppose that the life of the spirit can be obtained only (or primarily) through an arranged methodology. And to achieve that lofty goal one must not permit any lower distractions. Normal sensations like hunger and libido must be overcome, and this usually involves a certain amount of physical or emotional strain.

Why does spiritual discipline feel like spiritual punishment?

Conventional approaches to spiritual awakening make unnecessary and unhelpful divisions. An individual is set against himself in the attempt to achieve spiritual attainment. Do we really think that the outer life is a hindrance to the inner life? Have we divided ourselves into so many warring factions that we believe that we can have peace only by killing off one or more of our splinter groups?

An unnecessary dualistic separation between secular and spirit overlooks the fact that all is spirit. The physical body is not bad. Hunger is not evil. Sex is not immoral. Natural desires and impulses are not stumbling blocks to be overcome. They are integral features of your existence to be welcomed.

Paradoxically, the desire to achieve spiritual success involves the same act of will that it hopes to quash. If it is assumed that the will is wicked, the will can't be employed to overcome itself without utter failure. Exerting the "spiritual will" to defeat "fleshly will" is still an act of will. It is simply substituting one will (and one desire) for another. The will is still at work, and the false identity is the primary actor.

This approach makes the faulty assumption that the will is evil and human desire must be conquered. If you consider your will and your instincts to be problematic, you may try to kill, destroy, or suppress them. Ironically in this attempt of self-domineering, you practice what you seek to extinguish.

Exerting the will to attain a spiritual goal indicates unawareness of greed, voracity, and craving. Greed is greed whether its desire is wealth, fame, power, sex, or spiritual ascendancy.

For this reason, Jesus reminded his followers, "Beware of covetousness."

When you already have what you long to attain, you are unaware of your abundance. If you try to become what you already are, you are unconscious of your true self. Your thinking about what stereotypical spirituality looks like drives you to grasp for the wind. Spirituality has nothing to do with formulaic practices or hackneyed appearances. It has everything to do with you being you.

If you hope to get spiritual by doing certain deeds, you are practicing greed, and you will not get what you seek to obtain. If you do a deed for its own sake, you will find the presence of God therein. That's why to find, you must stop seeking.

Instead of longing to get a little spiritual something-something by paying the right price, participate in the spirit of the present. This moment is saturated with divinity, and you have done nothing to cause it. Each moment is uniquely spiritual.

The spirit blows where it wishes, and that doesn't sound especially disciplined. Wendell Berry reverentially describes God as "the wildest being in existence." You can't control an undisciplined spirit regardless of how disciplined you think you are.

To live in the fullness of this moment, you may need to unlearn spiritual disciplines. You may need to become spiritually undisciplined in order to experience the kingdom of God as a little child. Living with spontaneity, gratitude, and attentiveness today is discipline enough without greedily looking to get more in a future that never arrives.

BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT, Kevin!!!!!!!

Oh, I could just kiss you! In a wholly-holy, completely spiritual, utterly spouse-approving way, of course...!

YES! My whole being reverberates with a YES to all you've said here!

I've been reading/dabbling in the teachings of many spiritual teachers ... and while there's much good insight there (as with almost everything), something has felt "amiss" ("you must go deeper, you must meditate rightly, and more, and often; forsake what you see, it's all an illusion") ... and lo and beHOLD, it's the age-old seduction of "trying harder, striving, thou shalt suffer to attain" message that keeps on sneaking into everything -- we just can't seem to stay on the level of "God is enough, I am enough, it is good, here and now - so BE (it)!!!

Oh, my heart sings at that, my spirit does back-flips, and my poor, long-maligned body dances at the thought of being enjoyed, honored and CELEBRATED!!! My (egoic/unrenewed) mind may continue to yammer a bit, but it's ok ... I can laugh with it as it keeps catching up with the "too good to NOT be true" reality...!

How I sense God delighting when we *get* this...! I can "see" His head thrown back in exuberant laughter, arms thrown open wide, as the universe is filled with His joyous welcome: "Yes! You see, you see! Join the dance, celebrate this life as your gift, your unearned, unstriven-for, un-yank-awayable inheritance! Just because you're MINE -- and you're ALL mine!!!"

What an assault to our "watch-me-earn-this" egos! What an undermining to the system of meritology & believe-the-RIGHT-theory-ology that permeates the institutions (& the unrenewed minds!) of this collectively-blind consciousness! What a shock to our carefully-constructed-and-maintained sand-castle foundations! What an uber-LIBERATION to all of humanity, all of our planet, all the universe!

Mmmmmmm-WAH! Thou art kissed!

(can ya tell that I liked it?!?)

Shalom, Dena


P.S. If you like what Kevin wrote (and of course you do!), you can subscribe to his weekly Parousia e-newsletter, and/or send comments and/or kisses here: kevin@presence.tv