Thursday, January 19, 2012

'Member Me...?

When three people tell you that they visited your blog, in one day ... well, it may be time to revisit the notion of blogging again ...

Meanwhile ...

I quit my former job.
I moved back to the town where my children live.
I am in a magical and gorgeous Victorian house-turned-apartment.
I am experiencing the restoration of relationships.
I continue to be in a stage of cocooning ... transformation, nurturing, self-care, exploring who I am...
I am a "kept" woman ... kept by the Universe ... provided-for in wondrous ways.
Going to return to doing all manner of art, starting next month ... including inspiring children to discover their own inner-creativity.

It has been an intensely difficult and wonderful year ... more highs and lows than the stock market or a roller coaster. It's all been valid and required.

I wrote this last night ... it poured out of my heart:


For all those moments when my resistant mind screams, "yeah, but!" ..
For all those moments when my life feels hopelessly stuck in a rut ...
For all those moments when the wave of pain can double me over ...
For all those moments when it seems that life is all but over ...
For all those moments when despair rips open the scars of my heart ...
For all those moments when the child in me trembles or screams out ...
For all those moments when I feel so isolated and alone ...
For all those moments when I cry outloud "please let me just go home ..."
For all those moments when abject fear can collapse me to my knees ...
For all those moments when all I can manage to pray is "... oh god, please ...!" ...
For all those moments when I cry out, "no, no no, not again..!"
For all those moments when I long for confusion & suffering to end ...
For all those moments when I simply cannot take one thing more ...
For all those moments when I want to run & blindly flee out the door ...
For all those moments when I feel I simply have nothing left to give ...
For all those moments when I just can't find within me the will to live ...
For all those moments of sobbing out my heart into the floor ...
For all those moments of anguish - mind and heart seeming to be at war ...
For all those moments of wondering what the hell has become of my life?
For all those moments of longing for joy, but only finding strife ...
For all those moments of questioning my courage and sanity ...
For all those moments of begging Presence to clobber me with clarity ...
For all those moments of nagging Spirit, "I just need another sign!"
For all those moments I'd give anything, to escape the boundaries of time ...
For all those moments of crying and snotting into my zebra rug ...
For all those moments when my whole being just longs and aches for a hug ...
For all those moments when memories simply just can't be enough ...
For all those moments when I discover "I'm making it - wow, I can be tough!" ...
For all those moments when I long to just be held while I fall apart ...
For all those moments when the best I can do is to keep on playing the part...
For all those moments I've dared to look deep, and not cringe at what I might find...
For all those moments when I am aware this wild journey is SO worth the ride ...
For all those moment I look in my eyes, and I see there both Shadow and Light ...
For all those moments I hold my heart, and feel there both Love and Fright ...
For all those moments when vulnerable-rawness enables me to grow ...
For all those moments when the mystery itself becomes enough to know ...

♥ I THANK YOU. ♥

Life goes on ... the miracles keep coming ... they way keeps unfolding.

So be it.

~Dena

1 comment:

Harry said...

How could we forget, Dena? You are, after all, one of the most unboring people on the planet:)

That new creativity venture sounds wonderful! May your experience inspire all those you touch.

All this craziness is but a dream that we're choosing, in order to bring us back to the true self. No harm can ever come to you... as I know you know:)