Can anyone say: "Transitional Upheaval"...?!?
That would best describe my life right now ... and so I've got to share what's helping me right now ... rather than going on with where I was 3 weeks ago. For those who want more about Bill Ferguson, and his teachings, I recommend his website. You can sign up for a free e-course there, as well. Well worth it.
Meanwhile, many other things are speaking to me ... including the following books:
~ The Shadow Effect, by Debbie Ford
~ Journey, by Brandon Bays
~ Spiritual Divorce, also by Debbie Ford
It's the last one I wanted to share from today ... for me ... yes, I need to do this for me.
It opens with this quote, by Socrates:
A life unexamined is not worth living.
Smiling through my tears ... yeah, I believe that. Even while this examination has caused me to question my sanity ...
Whether I didn't sign up for the "quick/easy/simple" life ... or whether I'm just so stinkin' complicated that it takes all this pain to UNdo me, I dunno. But I'm smack-dab in the middle of seemingly-unrelenting pain ... and there's no way to go but through.
I tried going "back" ... it just ain't an option ... crap.
Something must be working though, I mean, I must be learning SOMEthing from past experiences, because despite this pain being rather hugely, I am unable to shake the awareness of JOY down deep ... and the urging to "trust, just trust".
So far, while I can certainly get eclipsed by the pain, and paralyzed by the fear ... I can't kill the joy. It keeps popping up.
And so I say, "Thank you."
And ... "please help...!"
Going on with this book ... I'm going to just quote some passages that jumped out at me this morning, now underlined in my favorite purple ink. And, it's not just marriages that this applies to ... it can speak to any significant relationship, particularly intimate ones:
(these first few quotes come from the forward, by Neale Donald Walsh - yeah, the "Conversations with God" dude)
~ "Separation does not exist in the universe. It is impossible to end a relationship. It is only possible to change it. It is not a question of whether we are going to have the relationship, but of what kind of relationship we are going to have."
~ "Few things are as devastating as the dissolution of a marriage. Yet, the dissolution that we mourn is a figment of our imagination. Once we understand this, we are on the road to recovery."
~ "It is possible to be apart, but it is impossible to not be a part."
~ "This book is about being whole, just when we thought we had been broken apart. It is about experiencing that, just when we think it is falling apart, our life may actually be falling together for the first time."
~ "When we hurt, we cannot see and we cannot sing and we cannot dance life's joyous dance. This book is about healing the biggest hurt that life can inflict: the ending of a dream, the loss of a love."
~ "It is the self, of course, that we imagine we have lost in a divorce (or loss of relationship). Every idea of the self is trampled on. That we are loving and that we are lovable. That we are nice to be with, and someone whom no one would ever want to leave. That we make good choices and are wonderful judges of people. That we can trust our heart. And that our love, given to the fullest, will always win the day."
[That last part made me cry ... ]
~ "We have never lost, and can never lose, what we imagine ourselves to have lost: the wonder of Who We Really Are."
~ "An end never really exists in a relationship -- but an end to the pain of one can."
(the following quotes come from the first chapter, by Debbie Ford)
~ "I felt as if I was caught in the middle of the second act of a bad play. The third act was about to begin, and the outcome could go either way... I was torn between two worlds, and neither one held the promise of happiness ... As I faced my shattered reality, my emotions changed as often as the weather outside. One moment I was calm and hopeful; the next I was depressed and withdrawn ... Why is this happening? Why can't I stop it? And why am I reliving my worst nightmare?"
[I can SO relate to that ...! And, I find hope in the fact that she moved ON from that ... and is now thriving ... and even wrote about it!]
~ "Somehow I knew that if I didn't find and heal the parts of myself that had kept me from having a loving, nurturing relationship, I would be doomed to living a life without a loving partner. It was an opportunity to observe, question and transform beliefs and behaviors that no longer served me."
~ "Life presents us with many opportunitiess to awaken to our divine nature, the highest expression of ourselves. some people call these opportunities spiritual wake-up calls. Most of the time they appear during times of great distress. Divorce is one of these times."
~ Pain is a great motivator that breaks down the walls that keep old behaviors/beliefs intact. Pain guides us toward thoughts and ideas that we otherwise might push away, and it forces us to seek answers from places we've never looked before. Pain opens our minds to ideas that hold the key to new insights, understanding, and freedom. Emotional turmoil can be a powerful catalyst to reconnect us with our divine nature. It propels us into a journey of self-discovery and urges us to learn how to love and accept our entire being. It has been said that you will learn more in ten days of agony than in ten years of contentment."
[Ohhhhhhhh, yeah! Man, WHAT did I sign up for?!? Next time around, I'm getting in the stupid-happy line!]
~ "It might just be that learning to love the totality of ourselves - the 'good' and the 'not-so-good' -- is the most difficult task to which we're ever assigned."
~ "Often [when we don't face our shadows] we become depressed or angry and have inner dialogues like 'I can't trust anyone,' 'life sucks', or ' I'll never let anyone do that to me again.' All of our negative feelings and painful messages are stuffed within our consciousness. Left unexamined, we turn these toxic emotions and negative beliefs back on ourselves. Neglecting our inner wounds results in failed relationships, addictions, obsessions, depressions, chronic illness, and a negative view of ourselves, others, and the world."
~ "It's imperative that we use the time to heal. Healing is the primary path returning us to a place where we see the perfection of our humanity. It is this awareness that gives us the opportunity to return to the deepest connection available to anyone -- our connection with our Divine Creator."
NO idea what I'll blog tomorrow, as I'm currently juggling 3 (or is it 4?) books. And it may not be helpful to ANYone else ... but I gotta do what I gotta do ... I WILL get through this...!
Shalom & Namaste ~