What I Said in Baytown ... (I *Think*!)

These things always begin with the very best of intentions ... my purpose is to deliver a message, to stay on topic, and to do so within the allotted timeframe.

I try ... really.

Not sure that I managed to accomplish any of that ... but I prepared, I showed up, I opened my mouth ... and then it's like I rode something that came through me ... or out of me, or both (hard to tell).

When all was said and done, I'm not sure I stayed on topic (unless the topic is "life"), and I sure 'nuff went over my time. By twenty minutes.

Ok, at least no one was looking at their watch, or catapulting rotten produce in my direction. From my vantage point, people were engaged, we were connecting, and something bigger than all of us happened. I call it good. And it's not that I'm so special (well, I am, but so is everyone else!) ... it's just that I'm willing to blurt. Even to be foolish. I highly recommend losing one's reputation -- very liberating!

So, I thought I'd try to relate what I said ... or at least what my notes indicate what I was *supposed* to say ... and what I vaguely remember saying ... and then I'll have to watch/listen to the recording, once the link becomes available (which, of course I shall foist - I mean *share*).

I started out with a couple of my most favorite, and most life-impacting, quotes (neither of which originated with me, both of which are, appropriately enough, anonymous):

"We turn to God when our foundations are shaking, only to discover that it's God who's shaking them.

"The unanswered questions aren't nearly as dangerous as the unquestioned answers."

Yeaaaaaah. :)

I then said, "I stand before you, a woman in transition. If you've ever given birth, or attended a birth, you know that transition is the most uncomfortable, and even most frightening, part of the birthing process. It's where the woman says, "Kill me now - just get this over with!" Yes, fear is strong ... and yet, I have experienced that the most intense fear and pain occur right before new life emerges, making it all worthwhile! I notice that perfect loves casts out all fear, including, I believe, the fear of God -- which is merely the beginning of all wisdom -- not where we're meant to remain. We're meant to mature into perfect love.

"Take whatever the Spirit illumines to YOU in what I have to say here today. Never take another's word for your own. The Word of God, which was with God in the beginning, is not a black leather-bound collection of books ('twern't no Bibles with God in the beginning!). The Word of God is the Logos, the Dabhar, which is the essence of God, the nature of God, the activating Wisdom of God, that which spoke all into existence ... that which is the Still, Small Voice within you. Heed THAT."

I then shared a bit of my history ... well, it was supposed to be just a *bit*. Turned out being much more ... how my father came to know Christ ... how I became a follower of Jesus ... how I was the perfect child (cough-cough!) ... how I rebelled at age 18 (becoming bulimic, started drinking/drugging, became promiscuous) ... how I struggled for 21 years with that addiction... how I went from licentious to frigid within marriage ... how our marriage suffered ... how the children came (despite being medically impossible for me to conceive) ... how I endured the "seminary/ordination" years in our former church ... how I did my best to both recover from bulimia, AND conform to all the shoulds/oughts that were imposed on me from our church leadership ... and how I failed miserably all around, how my husband learned to love me withOUT expecting me to change -- and how I found true and permanent healing. I went into a lot more about my bulimic and sexual dysfunction than I had intended ... but it turned out to be something that others said they needed to hear (confirmed later). LOL, part of my brain was yammering, "Do you REALLY want to go into all of this?!? You've got a lot to unpack here!" I just kept on surfing ...

I dwelled a bit on the "Great Church Kick-Out" of 6 years ago ... and of the devastation/liberation I felt ... how I had the spiritual wind knocked out of me, and how I prayed my most desperate and most sincere prayer up to that point, "God, START ME OVER! I don't know what I believe anymore! Show me what's of man, and what's of God -- I want Truth at all cost!" When you pray that prayer, you're pretty much signing up for a wiiiiiild roller coaster ride. Buckle up, and hang on!

I then spoke of the succession of paradigm shifts that catapulted me from Fear to Love:

~ From Legalism to Grace (from the system of "measure-up" to trust).

~ From Self-despising to Self-LIKE (how astonishing to discover that God not only loves me, because He *has* to, but He LIKES me and made me as I am on *purpose*!).

~ From Hierarchy to Equality (in my marriage, with my children, with all others).

~ From the Institution to House Church (and we then thought "This is IT!" LOL! Silly us! You can get the person out of the institution, but it's a whole 'nother thing to get the institution out of the person!).

~ From only reading the Bible, to reading all manner of things ... enter: "The Shack". The experience of reading all of my own subversive thoughts on paper! Bless Paul Young! And bless his visit to our home in August of '07, when he said things that rocked my world, and launched me into the "beautiful heresy" (to coin a phrase from my friend Brian Smith - his blog link is to the left, hint-hint!).

~ From a traditional "hell" to ultimate reconciliation (i.e., "all saved"). This was a wrenchingly painful transition, in which I hugely feared being deceived, and prayed not to be, daily! I lost much sleep, half my hair, and nearly all my friends over this one! Whew!

~ From a futurist perspective ("Jesus will come back one day"), to an "all fulfilled" perspective. It was in being frustrated to discover that Preterists and Universalists despised each other (c'mon, dudes!), that I stumbled upon Presence, International (my peeps!). Their perspective of life is a catalyst to me feeling more alive than ever before!

[Note: during this time, I continuously asked for a "sign" that God was leading me ... and God kept graciously giving 'em to me! Some of them are uncanny ... I shared two of them with the group ...]

~ From "Satan" as personal being, to "satan" as the adversarial nature of our own ego (both individual ego and collective ego).

~ From the Bible as "the inerrant and infallible Word-a-God", to The Bible as the unfolding/progressive/evolutionary story of mankind (as it played out through the consciousness of Israel). I now see that the Bible is the "three steps forward - two steps backward" story of a people coming to know who God is. With experience trumping comprehension (though we've had a rude and stubborn penchant for doctrinalizing and dogmatizing some of those backward steps!). I see much of the Bible as written from the perspective of the ego -- with humans projecting their own insanity upon God, "God hath said." Oh really? Is that true? I've learned to go with the God I'm experiencing, rather than the god others have told me about.

~ From the sense of separation-from-God-and-all-others, to a sense of Oneness with all that IS. PanENtheism ... God in all, in everything, permeating all of creation (really, what did we think was sustaining us?). I don't see separation anymore ... thought I see that it's a normal perception of the spirit-man who is having a human experience. It's even a necessary stage of growth, of evolution if you will (let's redeem that word!). Thus, I no longer believe in the theory (theory!) of "original sin". Much of the Christian world never did buy into that concept...

~ From the perspective of living the "Christian Life" (which Jesus never mentioned), to the awareness of the "Abundant Life" (which Jesus said He came to bring). I actually believe that insisting on the former will keep one from experiencing the latter. I had to shed the former, in order to have the latter. Christ led me right out of Christianity ... it's my history/heritage (& I do not despise having been there, any more than a 6 yo should despise having been 5) ... but as I grew, it became too small, too tight, and it pinched. Had to shed it.

And throughout it all, it's been about moving from negativity/fear, into positivity/Love. Who knows what's next?!?

Well, what's next for blogging, is that I'll share how all of this affects my perspective/understanding of Jesus Christ. Stay tuned...!

Shalom, Dena

Unpacking the New Covenant ...

(in case you were wondering, yes, this is a continuation of the whole "living beyond disease" exploration)

I notice something about the new covenant ... God tells us, through the prophets, that this covenant is *not* like the old one ... the old one was an agreement, with each party, God and man, doing their part ... IF you do this, then I shall do that, but IF you do that, then this shall result.

(& further, I see that man insisted on the conditions, and God in His mercy, in His desire to reveal how fruitless this whole experiment was, met man right smack-dab where he was ... that's what God does.)

But ... God says that in the new covenant, GOD is the one who does it all. It's based on mercy, on grace, on God being all in all.

(& this, my friends, is the good news for ALL mankind..!)

Grasp this (or at least ponder it a while): in the new covenant, the Spirit of God lives this life for us.

HowEVER, if we insist on remaining in the old mindset, the old covenant, thinking we have to do certain things in order to please God, to gain His acceptance, to bridge the gap of "separation", then we will continue to suffer the experience of futility and failure.

Yeah, we have that option. Good to know.

Keep this in mind: God is not the One who causes the failure and suffering when we 'do our own thing' ...! It's just the consequence of choosing to live under human effort -- the law of sowing and reaping, cause and effect -- it's US bringing about our own suffering!

And remember this: Our life is not our own (small self). There is One Life, and that Life is God's, and we are all manifestations of God's Life, and Life is eternal ... we have a purpose, to demonstrate truth and compassion and mercy ... to bring Light into every dark corner of creation ... to demonstrate live-action displays of love-replacing-fear... to BE Christ in every experiencing, bringing healing and wholeness to all that appears to be broken...!

First, we must learn to be still, and to listen. Stop, look, and listen (whoever first said that was tuned in to God!). "In returning and rest shall you be saved from this (whatever is presenting) evil ... in quietness and confidence shall be your strength" (Isa 30:7).

Rather than responding in our egoic/carnal/natural thinking (our usual first reaction), we must let the Spirit of wisdom counsel us, and direct us and lead us, in every single situation, in every decision. This will at first be an intentional exercise of our wills ... dying to self (that which fearfully screams, "DO something!"), and listening deeper, to who we really are, way down deep where we are One with God. In time, with practice, with familiarity and trust, this will become our nature, our first inclination. We can learn to "practice the Presence of God" (to realize God is always here, everywhere, in and as everything that is).

Now, this doesn't mean that we're ignoring the presenting problem ... this is not denial. We are having a human/physical experience here, and thus God's application will be practical. But let's face just how our normal first-reaction tends to be problematic in itself ... because if we meet a problem (be it a person or a situation) with the same consciousness OF the problem, then we just wallow IN the problem -- only, we've likely made it worse (ohhhh, we're SO good at that!).

Our calling is not to fix problems -- but to heal them. Not with the wisdom of egoic man (which ain't working too good, y'noticed?), but with the wisdom of God (which is the TRUE nature of man).

Here's what I'm seeing about *how* to do this:

We need to let go of any predetermined outcomes ... we can't go to God, telling God how He should deal with the situation. "Please do this, and oh please do that," as if He doesn't know what needs to be done, and how, and when...! (oh, we're so funny!)

Knowing that God is good, and thus only goodness can come forth, we can THANK Him for whatever it is that's already being worked out, and THANK Him that He knows how to let us cooperate with the unfoldment of that good (yay, we get to play with God!).

Knowing that the Spirit is always leading, always guiding, always speaking, always directing, we can plunge into that current, that River of Life, trusting that we can listen, that we can hear, and that we can thus respond as God responds.

(& didn't Isaiah prophesy of this: "and you shall hear a word beyind you saying, 'This is the way, walk ye in it' when you turn to the right or to the left." Seriously, I learned SO much when I actually LOOKED at what the prophets said about this new covenant, and then compared it with what Christianity teaches about it ... NOT the same! Methinks I'm going with the original rendition, and not the re-make!)

What's so incredibly, amazingly, astonishingly, unfathomably uber-cool to me, is that, in this process of *wanting* to know and understand (& live) the heart of God, I'm finding, more and more, that His will and my (truest, deepest) will are one and the same...! I'm beginning to understand the ancient quote, "Love God and do what you wish."

Fathom this: We share the heart of God. God is Love. God leads us by the desires of our heart -- God PUTS His desires in our heart (which is His heart). The Wisdom of God appears to us AS our desires.

We need not fear the will of God ... we need not fear surrendering to God ... and if we DO fear God, perhaps and perchance 'tis time to examine our view OF God ... are we fearing a man made, man-projected god who rewards and punishes, who withholds His favor unless we perform well, who plays hide and seek with us, who is schizophrenic in his response to us...?

Is that god truly God...? Dare we ask? Dare we fire the false god who is keeping us from seeing and experiencing the REAL God...?

EVERYthing that happens to us is good, in that it will all teach us what we need to know about God, about ourselves (including exposing the lies we believe!), drawing us higher and deeper into the truth of everything, into the Mind of God, releasing our inherent Mind of Christ ... resulting in peace, in the Abundant Life.

The new covenant, the kingdom of God/heaven, the new Jerusalem, the new heavens and new earth (new EVERYthing) is at hand, is in our midst, is within you ...!

~*Inquire Within*~

Shalom, Dena

The "Christian Life" vs. The Abundant Life

I no longer believe that Christianity was Jesus' idea. I believe that it's a wholly man made enterprise, a human-endeavor, that has done MUCH damage to mankind (and all in the "name of God"). The very nature of exclusivity, that's inherent within Christianity, perpetuates the lie that there is separation between man and God, that there is a sense of "us vs. them" between human beings. This exclusivity (which is based on self-righteous pride), maligns the nature of God, and denies the reality of the all-inclusive Atonement, which reconciled ALL humans to Father (& I notice that the Lamb was slain, and we were chosen, from the foundations of the world ...).

Religion, including Christianity, is not the answer. Religion divides, brings war, reinforces a battle-mindset.

The battle (if there ever was one in God's perspective) is over. We are One, just as Jesus prayed. The only problem is: most folks (including Christians) don't know it. They do not know the power of the Atonement, the power of Love, which is the very essence of God. Most folks need not to be saved, but to awaken to the reality that they are now *reconciled* with God! We perpetuate the problem by propagandizing the Christian message.

Jesus didn't tell us to start a new religion -- HE calls us out of ALL religions, including the one we invented called "Christianity." He came to lead us into the Kingdom, and to experience the Abundant Life. We, instead, have counterfeited that with the so-called "Christian life."

Jesus never mentions the Christian life ... and He still offers the Abundant Life.

I've come to believe that we have to choose between the two ... I've chosen. I no longer am aligned with Christianity, but I'm aligned more than ever to Christ.

I still pray for this nation (for all people), but I pray that they would awaken to God (what He's done, who they really are, in Him), and not to "become Christians."

When we follow Christ, we have to follow where, and as, He leads ... in my case, it was to follow Him out of religion, all religion, including Christianity.

I pray that my heart will be heard in these words ...

Shalom, Dena