Sunday, June 7, 2009

Hollerin' About Hormones...!

People who know me well knew that this day would come.

Yes, I'm going to talk about sex.

(for those who are sensitive, just put your fingers in your ears, sing "la-la-la-la-la," and this will be easier to take)

I believe we're meant to have fabulous sexual experiences ... I believe it's one of God's gifts to us. I also believe, and have experienced, how devastatingly painful it can be when sex goes awry...

In my case, there were the years of promiscuity ... (everyone hum "Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places"). Those led to the years of frigidity within my marriage. Seventeen of 'em. Loooooong years, just ask my husband. There were many reasons ... I keep seeing the trend of promiscuity leading to frigidity, particular for those of us who were raised as Christians. In fact, Christians (particularly females), can pick up on a message that God doesn't like sex, and that He only gives in to it so He can get more babies (preferably Christian babies) out of the equation ... you know, as if He turns His holy head away when we "do the nasty" ... as if sex is a necessary evil He must put up with to get more church members.

In my case, I believed lies about sex... a myriad of them. That I wasn't meant to enjoy it; that it was really meant for men's pleasure; that to lose control was dangerous; that sexual pleasure was "animalistic" and "fleshly". That it was an appetite to be suppressed. My poor husband..!

About 5 years ago, God did a number on me ... showing me the lies I believed about His gift of sex, and then replacing them with His truth ... in a sudden download of gargantuan proportion...! I'll spare you the details (whew!), but suffice it to say, we were catapulted into a second honeymoon par excellence, and very much made up for lost time (this also got us kicked out of church, but I digress... and no, we weren't cavorting in front of the altar on Sunday mornings ... but I'll share that chapter another time).

Something I've discovered about women and sex ... if we don't use it, we lose it. Just the opposite reaction from men. For many of us, it's often the case that desire DOES go away when we ignore it...

But the lack of desire, the lack of interest, and the wishing sex would "just go away" may not just be about selfishness ... it could also be about biology.

The issue of hormone imbalance is a HUGE one..! I learned this first-hand when I discovered, after having my "surprise-and-welcome-to-age-45-baby", after more than 2 years of trying to "make the libido return with continued intentional sex," that it just didn't return. What worked before (frequency) didn't work now. When I discovered that my testosterone was non-existent, and got onto testosterone cream, it made a big difference (& no, I haven't morphed into a bald, bearded bass-voiced bar-fighter, chasing my man around the house, LOL!).

Women need to be checked ... particularly after the hormone fluctuations of pregnancy and nursing. And very particularly as we age, and hit peri-menopause. AND, further, it's critical to find a doctor who will listen to the one actually living in the body (now there's a thought!), and who understands female endocrinology. My own doctor pooh-poohed the notion that I even needed testosterone ... said it was "optional", and that I was "getting older" - as if to say, "it's time to stop focusing on sex, now that you're done procreating."

As the second-opinion physician said, when I relayed this to him: "Bite me!" (My new personal physician. I like this man. He then proceeded to prescribe testosterone cream from a local compounding pharmacy -- my hero!)

Sexuality is far too important to be brushed aside by anyone ... but it takes a lot of dedication, understanding & compassion from the spouse, and being our own (educated! and persistent!) health-advocate, to get to the root of biological/chemical hormone imbalances.

Far too few women understand the role that testosterone plays in their life ... not only for a healthy libido, but also for mental concentration, memory and a sense of well-being.

Women: if you've lost your groove ~ get checked...! Husbands: become an advocate for your wives' holistic well-being, not *just* so you can get more/better sex, but so that your wives can better enjoy their lives...!

Out of that overflow of wholeness, sex can be what it's meant to be: a physical/emotional/spiritual celebration of Oneness...!

Thar ya are. My $.02!

Shalom, Dena


Darcy said...

Nicely said... and that was quite tame as well! I'm proud of you!!! :Þ

Dena said...

LOL - thanks, Darcy! I went to great pains to be considerate of others here...!

(for those who want a less censored discussion of sex-and-faith, check out

I'm learning, I'm learning...!

Dave said...

Yeah, that was pretty tame for you. lol - I am used to way more from you at TMB. :)

Dena said...

Yeah, I've certainly been less vague, no? ;)

Shalom, Dena