The Trouble with Transformations ~ Part V

A funny thing happens on the way to transformation ... we start to see that transformation isn't a one-time watershed *event*, but is instead a *way of life*...!

Sneaky, huh?

I mean, we get lured into the process with pain (make. it. stop.) ... and we go through even *more* pain, and then we get resolution, and whew! We get to sit in the feeling of having arrived. Ahhhhh, the relief, the bliss, the joy! But wait ... what's this? Something is shifting again, something is looking like it doesn't belong in my carefully-re-arranged worldview...! Dang, I had it all nailed down so tidily and neatly, and I was just getting to enjoy dusting and polishing my newfound beliefs (like gleaming awareness-trophies on a shelf, behind glass), when wham-O! One of 'em falls off the shelf and shatters, and I can't find enough glue to get those little slivers back into cohesive shape again...! Oh sheesh, now what?!? God?!? Look what happened? The ground is trembling again, and everything's shaking again, and I need Your help! Huh..? What did You say? YOU're the one doing the shaking?!? No way! Way? Really? S~i~g~h ... You mean, one more time? More? You mean, this is a way of life...? Hoo-boy. Time to invest in shock-absorbers.

Ok, so maybe it's better that we don't know all of this up-front, y'know? Maybe it's best to discover this when we're already in, and committed, and there's really no going back. After all, who else has the words of eternal life? What alternative Source is out there...? After having a sneak-peek at my nefarious ego, do I really think it can fool me again ('cept it keeps on doing so, expert-masquerader that it is, lil' stinker!).

I'm no expert in transformation, but having gone around this oh-so-familiar rock a time or a hundred, I'm beginning to get some clues -- not that I'm brilliant or anything, but when you trip over the same awareness a dozen or so times (and then glare at it for daring to make you trip - c'mon, admit you do that too!), it starts to become familiar in that brick-upside-the-head subtle-kinda way ...

So here's what I'm starting to see (if I squint -- sometimes you can see through the veil better if you squint -- or at least squinting makes you appear to be a person of depth):

- I'm getting a hint that the physical realm is not THE truest reality ... and that my experience of it can be altered by my perception of it (who knew?).
- It seems that the truer/deeper reality cannot be grasped -- it's invivible and intangible.
- The battle in the mind seems to hinge on which prevails: insistance upon certaintude, or accpetance of ambiguity ...
- The only thing that stays the same is that everything changes ...
- Radical uncertainty is the door to true knowing ... (letting go of what we think we know, dying to the ego-self who thinks it knows everything).

And so it seems that I can either cooperate with my own (inevitable) transformation, or else I can resist the change, cling to the security of my certaintude, and thus get in the way of the transformation.

It seems that my most powerful tool of change lies within my beliefs and assumptions. I notice that I suffer due to what I mistakenly believe about myself, about God, about this world, about others. I believe lies. Of course, they *sound* like truth inside of my head, I've believed them *forever*, and I even go about seeking to prove that I'm right about what I mistakenly believe. I gather "evidence". My mind loves to say, "Aha! See? I was RIGHT!" Even if what I think I'm right about is causing me harm. Yeah, I'd rather be right than happy much of the time...! And when I cling to these beliefs, these hidden lies, I block myself from seeing reality.

But I notice that my mind creates both reality and illusion. While I have a choice about which to believe and hold, it's not always easy to discern which is which. What helps is to question the assumption that "it's important to find the right/correct view, and to defend it." If I discover that that's a false assumption (or at least a severely unhelpful assumption), then I make room for the possibility of considering other options. I needn't fear considering other options ... consideration doesn't require commitment. I can try them on for size, wear them a while, and see how they fit (there are no spiritual clothes-police). I see that I can accept that, as a human being, I'm continually in a state of flux. This isn't a flaw, but a gift -- the glory of being made in the likeness of the Creator.

And then a cool thing happens ... I start to notice that others are also in a state of flux ... in process, learning. I can let go of needing, or even wanting, them to be the way I think they "should" be (how the heck do *I* know how they should be?). I can enjoy them where they are (I'm still learning this -- it's not like I'm signing folks up for lessons or anything!). I notice that some folks move away from me, and others are drawn to me (or, we're drawn together, seeing the same Spirit clearly evidenced in each one). Out of this forms real community (which can never be forced nor manipulated). I notice some amazing shifts happening in this group-dynamic:

- Room is made for beliefs to be expressed and received ...
- Each of our minds rejects certain things, and embraces others ...
- We grow in a sense of shared inter-responsibility (mututal, not hierarchical)...
- We begin to experiment with a new vocabulary, as old terms bring unwanted baggage ...
- Relational bonding happens at the emotional level (rather than an intellectual decision) ...
- Connections are based upon a love of the Spirit, rather than conformity to rules and doctrine ...
- At an almost-too-subtle-to-detect level, spirits are aligned ...

So - what are some of the "signposts" that indicate our own transformation..?

- We begin to see God in everyone - albeit some easier than others (at first).
- We find a deeper sense of oommunity with our own family.
- We notice a greater sense of compassion (feeling *with*).
- We may be surprised to find that we can express love more freely.
- We notice that formerly negative thoughts are replaced with positive ones.
- We may notice our mind being less anxious, more calm.
- Our thoughts may become clearer, less fuzzy.
- We may notice that our former doubts have faced away (even if we can't "prove" what we now believe).
- Obsessions and compulsions may become less troublesome, or fade away completely.
- We may move beyond being haunted by past regrets.
- We tend to see life more interms of solutions, than of problems.
- We like ourselves (& don't feel guilty about it)!
- We may feel safe in the world, even if circumstances around us don't change.
- We may have a sense of "belongingness" ... isolation may evaporate.
- We may feel more peace - despite events.
- We may discover a sense of trust.
- We may sense a Presence in and around us - something larger than us that includes us.
- We may feel less driven, less needing to prove, to earn, to achieve, to acquire.
- We may notice that relationships flow more easily, with less misunderstanding.
- We may notice a lessening of being motivated by fear, anger, and doubt.
- We may have more of a sense of connectivity, than of separation.
- We may start being transparent -- speaking from the heart, without fear.
- We may notice that others listen, and pay attention.
- Our words may be less defensive, and we may feel the lack of a need to self-protect.
- We may find ourselves complaining and criticizing less.
- We may be startled to discover that we enjoy life!
- We may feel that who we are is enough.
- We may have moments of sacred communion ... a connection to the Presence of God.

Enjoy those moments, when you realize that you are indeed transforming, that it is indeed happening. Notice that you are not causing it, though you are capable of either cooperating with it or hindering it.

But also keep in mind that turmoil is a positive sign ... and since this is long enough (too long!), I'll save that for tomorrow...!

Shalom, Dena