Your heart has been lit by this man ... and I get that. It's part of this lesson ... you had to feel a connection, in order for the trigger to be painful, in order to bring up that old stuff, so that you can FEEL to HEAL. Just feel. NO stories, just feel. I know it's as hard as shit, to feel painful stuff, AND to not tell the stories ... do what you can.
Now you know that you can be captivated, inflamed, and heart-touched. This is good to know, good to experience, delicious to feel. It's part of the beauty of being human. AND you know that it's possible to want someone badly enough that when it's threatened to leave, it hurts. Good to know, even if painful to feel. And you know that there are unhealed-places that must be seen, so as to not continue to fester, unaware. And while it hurts to have them triggered, and hurts to hold them, it wouldn't be happening if you were not now READY to do so. You have manifested this, for your healing, and it remains to be seen if it is ALSO a manifestation for a rewarding, fulfilling, soul-enhancing relationship.
Yes, your soul is engaged, your heart is touched, by this man. It's a risky adventure when that happens. But it had to happen for at least the healing to also happen ... and it could be more ... and you will find that part out. Part of the risk is letting your heart be touched and seen.
Part of the risk is knowing that you could indeed thus be devastated by the pain (& that you can also heal ... I learned this too -- I could be nearly destroyed by the pain, and rise from it ... even if I still feel the pain, and often).
Part of the risk is being willing to let the one go, who can so-touch you, even at this early stage ... because you want it ALL, not part.
BOTTOM LINE: no matter how you feel about this man, you WANT to know if he cannot accept you a you are. You want MORE than that -- you cannot return to what you left.
Yes ... your heart has gone deep with this man ... when the connection is there, and it's real ... you can't defend against that, without also causing pain. the pain is inevitable now ... with that connection ... and with that, also possibly, unspeakable joy.