Exposing the Ego ~ An Example of Attack/Forgiveness

Imagine this all-too-real-life situation with me ...

Here I am, sitting somewhere, minding my own business ... and you walk into the room, and offend me, by insulting me, or doing something to me that I interpret as harmful. Let's say that when this happens, I'm in my egoic mind (my not-right mind), sitting here in a state that imagines God is not with me, that I am guilty and disconnected, and in general, not feeling good about myself.

So, you come in being "offensive" to me, and on some level I feel I deserve the attack, since I was believing (if even subconsciously) that I'm guilty and worthy of punishment. So, you do to me what I believe I have coming to me. The "attack" reinforced what I already believe ... that I am bad, guilty, deserving of punishment. It will also reinforce the guilt that you feel, because you wouldn't be "attacking" me without already feeling guilty (remembering that we project that which we desire to "get rid of").

So, both of us have just reinforced the guilt we believe we have. My guilt meets your guilt head-on, condemning each of us even more to our own prisons of guilt.

My next reaction may take various forms, but if I remain in this guilty state (my not-right mind), I will either play the victim, or villain (attacking back). If I play the victim, I may cry, and accuse you of abusing me, blaming you for the misery I'm now feeling. I will try to make you feel responsible for how bad I now feel. I will try to alleviate my own guilt, but putting it back on you ... this is manipulation, and is really just a cleverly-disguised attack (passive-aggressive).

Or, I can go for straight aggression, and attack you openly ... calling you names, accusing you of being evil, etc.

Now, what would happen if I were sitting here in my right-mind, seeing myself as God does (my real identity)...? What if I knew that God is with me, that God loves me, accepts me, adores me ... and that nothing and no one can harm me...? What if I know that no matter what you do to me, you can't hurt me, because I am completely safe and secure in Him...? What if I know that even if what you say to/about me is true on some level (the ego level), on a deeper level it *can't* be true, because I am a Son of God, perfectly loved and completely acceptable by my Father...? Nothing you can do or say can alter that, once I *KNOW* that.

So, if you enter the room, insulting or attacking me, I am free to look at what you've said/done in a new way. For perfect love casts out all fear, including sin, guilt, anger and suffering. I cannot be fulled with God's Love and also be afraid/angry/guilty/vengeful.

I can then see that if you are trying to hurt me, at that very moment, you do not believe that you're filled with God's love ... you have forgotten, or perhaps you've never consciously known that you're that loved. At that very moment, you have lost touch with your identity as a Child of God. And in your separated-ego mindset, you feel guilty and threatened ... and the only way you know to alleviate yourself of this feeling is to project it onto another, by projecting your stuff onto someone else ... and you have chosen me.

If I know this, if I'm in my right-mind, knowing my connection-with-Father, then I can interpret your "attack" this way: "Please remind me of who I am! Please remind me of God who loves me, and that I am His Child! Please remind me of the Love I cannot feel at this moment!"

I can learn the truth that every "attack" is really a cry for love.

When we feel love -- when we know we are loved -- we cannot attack.

And when I know I'm loved, and I'm attacked by another, I can learn to see what they're really crying out for (love), and I can respond with what they most need: Love.

There's no blueprint or formula to follow, for how to demonstrate love in each situation. That's the job of the Holy Spirit -- to show us how to do so in each instance. If I want to respond in Love, then I will be shown. But if I respond in kind, from my own ego, then I will forget who I am, and block myself from the Love that's always available to me.

"Love God, and do what you will." (one of the few things Augustine wrote with which I fully agree!) If love is in my heart, all I do will be right; if love is not in my heart, all I do will be wrong. My goal is not to "do the right thing" but to be "in my right mind". A Course in Miracles states, "seek not to change the world, but to choose to change your mind about the world."

My *desire* is to see all attacks clearly, as cries for help, for love.

In broadening this notion, it seem to me that everything I then experience is either an expression of love, or a cry for love. Simplistic, perhaps, but think it through ... imagine all possible scenarios, and see if can boil each one down to it's barest essence ... either the person is expressing love to you, or else they're in dire need of it, and do not know what they are doing (do not know how to ask for the very love that they fear they don't deserve...). So, whether the person is demonstrating love, or asking for love, how could my own right-minded response be anything OTHER than love...?

And doesn't this fit with the words of Jesus ... whether the "other" is a brother, sister, neighbor, friend, or perceived enemy, my response to them, according to Jesus, is LOVE.

Would that we would take that seriously...!

It makes all of life sublimely simple ... truth IS simple -- it's the ego that seeks to make everything complex, and "exemptional".

So... forgiveness is my choice to look beyond and through the attack, and to recognize it instead as a cry for love, for light. My goal is to meet every situation, and every person, with this awareness... without exception. For whenever I make even a single exception, I'm declaring that there is a part of me that I want to keep hidden in darkness, rather than being liberated by Light. In the practical application, this is what I then project on to you, and refuse to forgive in you.

I can use this for my own healing, once I see that the way I see you is the way I see myself. Therefore, the most challenging and troublesome people in my life are my greatest gift, because as I heal my relationship with them, I'm healing my own relationship with God.

Do I really see that? Can I let it become my practiced reality?

I see that I'm continuously tempted to see my own secret stuff as belonging to someone else, so that I can attack them, and therefore keep my guilt, which bolsters my ego's seeming existence. The best way for me to justify my own guilt is to clobber someone else with it. And when I do so (and I will do so, until I don't), the Spirit gets my attention and says, "Choose again." My choice is always whether to forgive or to not forgive. Forgiving another is forgiving myself ... what's outside is really what's inside ... it's all a projection of what I feel/believe/think inside. If I feel guilt, I project guilt. If I feel the love of God, I project the love of God. ALL others, and all situations, provide me with the blessed opportunity to see what's going on within me ... and offering me the chance to "Choose again."

Next, I want to look at, "IF this is true, then what might it mean ... exploring some what-ifs."

Shalom, Dena