Monday, October 26, 2009

Exposing the Ego ~ The Foundation

Got to confess ... right now, as I'm learning a whole 'nother level of awareness ... I'm finding myself face-to-face with some uber-challenging concepts ... none of it is new, and I can see how I've been led to this point, to this moment in my story ...

So, on a deep level, down where I Know Who I Am, this is good, right, timely. But on the more surface level, wherein my ego thinks it's running the show, tumult is reigning. Which lets me know that this is GOOD. My surface-resistance is proof-positive that I'm being led by the Spirit into the dismantling of the ego, in a way that I both welcome and resist ... depending on "which mind" I'm currently operating in...!

So, of course, I must share the angst...! ;)

You're welcome.

See if any of this resonates with/for/in you ... see if it makes you as uncomfy, and yet as drawn, as I am.

It seems to me that the real conflict in life, once we boil away all the fluff and nonsense, is the conflict between the ego (wrong-mindedness) and the Spirit (right-mindedness). Of course, the Spirit knows that there IS no conflict ... the conflict is all in the eye of the ego ... but the Spirit uses this illusion to lead us into more truth.

The huge irony in my experience (perhaps in yours?) is the discovery that Christianity has been a huge component for promoting the ego -- the wrong-thinking that is so prevalent in our experienced world (I see Christianity as ego-Institutionalized ... and did you ever notice how Christianity rhymes with Insanity?).

It seems to me to be crucial to expose and undo the errors of Christianity, in order to radically change the thought processes of the world-system. It also seems to me that in order to move beyond Christianity, I must first understand it, and forgive it. I cannot have enemies, and be set free -- for they are mutually exclusive mindsets ... the former being of the ego, and the latter of the Spirit. In not knowing what I was doing, I have chosen wrongly in my life, but I can choose again.

Here's the sneaky part: the thought systems of both the ego, and the Spirit, are completely logical and innerly-consistent. Therefore highly defendable. BUT - they are mutually exclusive.

We are Spirit ... we are manifestations of the One Life, the One Source, which is God (and which is beyond any definition of God that any human has yet given or comprehended ... God is bigger and gooder than we can fathom!). However, we THINK we are egos. Whether we call it that or not. The ego (or carnal nature) was born in the belief that we have separated ourselves from God. And this is the bare essence of sin -- the (erroneous but prevalent, and seemingly obvious) *belief* that we are separate from God. It isn't true -- but if we believe it, it will seem to be true, and our experience will "prove" it to us (even though our experience is our very own projection - more on that later).

The direct result of this perceived separation is guilt ... "I must have done something wrong to have caused this separation-from-God". This guilt goes FAR beyond anything I do -- it becomes who I AM... the ego tells me that there is something inherently wrong with me ... that I am depraved, that I am beyond-hope ... it's the sum total of all the negative beliefs, feelings, experiences I've ever had ... it's self-hatred, self-despising, self-rejection ... incompetence, failure, hollowness ... the strong foundational belief that something is lacking, something is missing, something is broken in my very core.

We humans have believed the insidious whisperings of our egos to such a degree that we have doctrinalized these beliefs, and have turned them into dogma ... into the very foundation of our religions.

Obviously, we don't walk around feeling this way consciously (most of the time). We couldn't cope if we did ... it would be too overwhelming to face. So, we keep it largely unconscious ... not aware that it's our operating bedrock, permeating all we think, say, and do.

Now here's the tricky part about guilt: when I believe we are guilty, I believe I am deserving of punishment. Thus, I live in fear ... fear of what will happen next, what others may say or do (or even think) about me. No matter what *form* the fear appears as, all fear stems from my belief that I *should* be punished for what I believe I have done, out of how wrong I believe I AM. It hangs over me, this looming threat of punishment ...

And, because I believe that I have offended God in my inherent wretched sinfulness, the ultimate source of my imagined fear is GOD. It is God I believe will ultimately punish me. THIS universal fear, borne of the ego's wrong belief that we are separated from God, is the source of the biblical passages that speak of the wrath of God, the vengeance of God, the punishment of God...! God, who is Love Himself, is not about punishment (He tells us, via John's epistle, that perfect love casts out ALL fear, and that fear is an immature response we are meant to outgrow, AS we experience the God of Love ... but if I believe God is a God-of-Wrath-&-Punishment, then I won't *allow* myself to experience God ... I will make sure that I have all manner of "safe" rules and dogmas between me and this too-scary God, so that I canNOT experience Him - whew!).

We humans are the ones who project our own guilt, fear and errors onto God! God created us in His image, and we've returned the favor ever since. "Adam and Eve" didn't get cast out of the "Garden" by God -- they cast themselves out!

The fear of God is the BIGgest obstacle we experience, that keeps us from experiencing the God of Love.

And yet -- the ego insists on this image of God. The ego insists on creating God in it's own image, in order to continue to exist ... in order for the ego to reign and run the show, God must be our enemy.

In effect, then, we render God unavailable to us ... in fearing God, we dare not approach God ... how can we turn for help from One of whom we are terrified? Instead, we turn to our own egos for answers ... which it is only too happy to supply. And yet, as with all things pertaining to the ego, the "help" actually causes untold harm.

Next, I want to "tell on" the ego ... I want to expose the types of "help" it offers, so that we can become aware of its tactics ... which is the first step toward freedom from the ego's tyrannical reign...

Shalom, Dena

10 comments:

Sue said...

It all resonates like a gong, my dear :)

MysticBrit said...

Preach it, Sista:)

As I go deeper into this Beautiful Country, I find myself speaking an utterly strange yet utterly familiar language.

And my spirit sets it to music, in glorious many-voiced harmony, in the unforced free rhythms of Love.

And my heart gently teaches my mind not to fear.

And my mind slowly gets the message, and begins, falteringly, to dance.

(Recently I went to a performance of a sublime 16th c. Latin motet - probably my fave piece of vocal writing, period - which in English reads, 'I have trusted in none but you, O Lord God of Israel...'. It was composed in FORTY vocal parts, and seems to sum up what I'm sensing in my very core. And then they performed it again!!:D)

'Tis Good News indeed, and worthy of all to be believed.

Namaste

Sue said...

Sounds like it would be a great blog post, Harry ;)

The Business of Isness. I so love that blog title :)

MysticBrit said...

Thanks for the encouragement, Sue.

I may yet dive in!:)

Sue said...

Nagging, really. Not encouragement :)

MysticBrit said...

Ha! I may just do it to stop you nagging me;)

Namaste, fine soul:)

@}--,--'---- said...

Good one D. Good one.

Deb said...

WOW, Dena!!! :-) You nailed it! Great post girl! :-)

Love,
Deb

Dena said...

Thanks, y'all ... and yet it's not me to thank! And yet it is! It's all of us, and yet beyond-us.

LOL!

Such gloriously mystical confusion...!

I've never been less sure about what I know, and more delighted about it, in my life...!

I'm in touch with the One Who Knows All Things, and He's not only holding my hand, but grinning.

So, what could go wrong, except the further dismantling of what my ego has always thought ..? And that's not even wrong, but blessedly RIGHT...!

All Good. Just like I always secretly suspected, but was afraid to whisper.

These days, I'm shouting it from the rooftops...!

Off to yodel another blog-post...!

MysticBrit said...

It's God in each of us recognising God in all the others, and saying, Hi, Me, great to see Ya. Let's talk awhile.

You put into eloquent words what our hearts know intuitively, Dena. You keep on yodellin' while you got stuff to yodel, my friend.

This lack of certainty is a blast!:D