So, I'll share some things that speak to my heart, even if only giving me a smidgen of hope, that it won't always feel this bad, this raw ... that I can, and will, come to see all of this from the higher/deeper perspective.
"Know that you cannot fail to accomplish
the one dream that lies at the center of your heart—
a peace that surpasses all understanding
and washes away all sense of suffering and separation."
If there's something you want, Dena, anything at all, or if there's something you need, no matter what it is, or if there's something you'd like to change, please remember that all the bells and whistles of time and space were first hewn and blown in the windmills of one's mind, long before they were ever dung or heard by hands and ears.
Whatever you dream of, live it, live it now, as fully as possible, to whatever degree you can, in your thoughts, words, and deeds. And sure enough, as day follows night, as rains fall from pregnant clouds, and as melodies float from bells and whistles, your dream will come to pass.
It's a sure thing,
P.S. I know, I know, Dena. Dung should be "rung." But "dung" just kind of wrote itself... and made me laugh.
"I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving."
~Oliver Wendell Holmes
[edited to add this late-entry message ... which gives me uncanny hope ...]
On this day of your life, Dena, I believe God wants you to know...
..that it would not be beneficial to believe your
Mind on matters that are very important to you.
Your Mind can base its conclusions only on Past Data that it has collected during your present experience of Physicalization.
It has no knowledge of things existing through all Eternity.
In order to access data having to do with Who You Really Are, and why any particular thing is occurring, you would have to have access to data from outside your present Time Line. This data is only accessible through your soul.
It appears in your life as a "knowing." Trust this.
The only direction I know right now, is forward ... one teensy baby-step at a time ... into the dark ... which is better than the feeling of having been pushed over the cliff ... and free-falling.
So, I accept that improvement.
It's the very best I can do, for today.