Tuesday, January 18, 2011

How We Create and Destroy Love

Here's a shocker: Love is never enough to make a relationship work.

Yeah, I know, the Beatles sang, "All You Need is Love" ... and honestly, I BELIEVE that ... however, for a relationship to work, both people need to FEEL loved. It's the *experience* of love that makes a relationship work.

When I experience love, I feel happy ... I feel alive. I feel vibrant, joyous, appreciated, accepted, grounded, centered ... and yet able to fly.

And THIS is the happiness we seek ... this experience of love.

How is it created? By giving acceptance and appreciation -- each one to the other.

Interestingly, when I feel accepted and appreciated, I am inspired to, in fact you just can't stop me from, showering that one with acceptance and appreciation in return.

And this becomes a beautifully reciprocal, and perpetually-continuing, relationship. We can create a glorious cycle of loving, supporting and empowering each other. This brings out our best attributes, and the happiness overflows into every aspect of our lives. It's as if we're wearing "love-colored glasses."

Just about every romantic relationship STARTS this way ... but few STAY that way. Why? Because it's an inevitability that, sooner or later, someone's past-hurt gets triggered ... if not both of them.

And when this occurs, we feel threatened. Almost immediately, the walls of protection go up, withdrawal sets in, and attacks are launched ...

If it isn't resolved with deep responsibility, judgment sets in ... we become critical and unaccepting. And this unacceptance destroys the experience of love. Like the always-shining sun, love remains ... but it can be severely blocked by the cloud of unacceptance.

Then the cycle of love is replaced with the cycle of conflict ... it's as if those love-colored glasses are replaced with doom-colored glasses ...

Notice that we're dealing with the SAME two people ... only the perspective is altered. One is love, and the other is fear.

By resisting the way someone is, you destroy the experience of love. You then create opposition and resistance against yourself. To end the cycle of conflict, or to make sure it never starts, stop the resisting.

The cycle of conflict is like a tennis volley. It takes two people to keep the volley going, but only one to end it. As soon as someone refuses to return the serve, the volley is over.

To end the cycle of conflict, stop fueling the fire. Accept the person the way he or she is. This is the key to having any relationship work.

Fortunately, acceptance is nothing more than surrendering to the truth, The people in your life are exactly the way that they are whether you like it or not.

When you are at peace with the truth of the way someone is, you have peace of mind and can see your situation clearly.

Whether you resist the way someone is or you resist a specific are of your life, the result is always the same. You magnify the problem and make your life more difficult.


Next: Accepting 100% Responsibiility

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

1 comment:

MysticBrit said...

Seeing the other clearly is indispensable to true relationship. I can't relate to anyone properly in a fog of preconceptions - I'll just keep bumping into you and blaming you for not looking where you're going. At the very least, fog lamps would be useful:)