Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Project Knowing Infinite Self ~ Step Three

Having the Courage to Go Beyond ...

Thar y'ar ... Step Three.

Are you intrigued...? Curious? Concerned...?

Stu describes it this way: "The act of letting go and allowing your life to enter into the spontaneous dynamic of free-flow."

Or, as Abraham-Hicks would say, "To stop madly paddling upstream, to let go of the oars, and to allow your boat to turn around and go downstream."

(I'm loving how much of what I'm reading in this book both echoes and affirms what I've read via. Abraham-Hicks! There really are no accidents ... synchronicity abounds, if we'll but notice ..!)

that means less structure, more trust, believing and taking life as you find it, rather than trying to force it into a preconceived pattern and getting angry when it won't allow you to jam it into a corner in that way.

Ohhhh, not that *I've* ever done such a thing as to jam or cram ...! (envision a wide-eyed expression of feigned innocence!)

I like how Stu says this:
The ego is naturally resistant to letting go. It wants to hold on to its sense of power and to dominate your life and the lives of others. It needs to control because it feels insecure. So it may be frightening to let go, but in my view it is more frightening to stay where you are.

In the world of ego and intellect, you don't have to develop blind trust. You can hope to rely on past experience and thinking things out and, hopefully, that works for you most of the time. But as a spiritual being, trust is vital. In the dynamic, exhilarating world of the Infinite Self you're flying blind. It has no limits, so it's bound to carry you to unfamiliar ground -- and that is what makes this whole process so fascinating.

I find myself on the precipice of life ... having been shaken out of where I once was ... having been totally transformed, forever-altered ... having experienced a wild-ride (of both more joy and more pain than I knew were possible to experience) ... I now find myself asking, "what now? what's next? what's my soul's purpose?

I'm awaiting clarity ... working hard, very hard, to remove all blockages to who I am, so that clarity emerges. I'm availing myself of many reSources ... including a dynamic woman who is highly trained in energy psychology, energy medicine, energy healing ... (in fact, my desire/plan is to also be trained by her ... my heart is hugely drawn to this work) ... and I'm also going here and there as I'm led ... to connect with others who are in this radical-alternative adventure.

So, I found myself in a group of adventurous souls a few nights ago ... at a Divine Feminine circle in Portland (a dozen of us from all walks of life, of various ages - beautiful diversity, with a common vision!). We got to share our stories ... how we came to be there -- and it was *beyond* refreshing to be received without judgment ... to hear that I have a powerful story, that my journey matters. I didn't know how starved I was for such a reception ...

We were asked to participate in an exercise that involved trusting our intuition ... on one index card, we wrote out an experience, or a dream, or a realization that was meaningful to us -- and to go with what first came to mind (mine was the realization that my last birth, which was medicated, diminished both the pain and the joy ... in fact, I became aware that pain and joy are the flipsides of the same "coin" ... that pain enlarges the heart for more love and joy ... which, of course, means that I have a HUGE amount of love and joy coming my way!).

On the other index card, we were to write out our "burning question" for the Universe to answer. Mine was along the lines of, "What do I do with my life -- how do I make sense of all that's happened?" Then, we drew from the "deck" of experience cards, and one by one, we read both our question, and the given answer.

I was astonished at how very "on" each person's answer was for them! It was uncanny! My answer was in the form of a person's dream: they found themselves being chased by a wolf ... and then another, and another ... in a succession of dreams, the wolves would chase them to the edge of a cliff, and the choice was unthinkable: jump off the cliff into oblivion, or be torn apart by the wolves. Over and over, they would be attacked by the wolves, and would die. In the last dream, they were at the very edge of the cliff, and they turned and faced the wolves ... the wolves stopped, looked back at them, and then the wolves merged with them -- becoming One.

Now, admittedly, I didn't get a clear "here's what you do with your life now" sort of answer ... but I cannot describe how instrumental and meaningful wolves and cliffs are to me ... the wolf is my "power animal" ... I've owned 3 wolf-hybrids ... and there are several personal synchonicities involving wolves in my life. I've been told that I live "on the edge" of a cliff ... that I dance on the edge of a cliff ... and that part of my purpose in life is to do the unthinkable -- to jump/dive off of the cliff ... to either be caught, or to discover that I can fly ...

So, for me, the "answer" was to trust ... to continue ... and when I realize that I'm at the edge of that cliff, I can turn and face what I fear most ... and internalize that fear, even being strengthened by that fear ... then I'll know what to do with the cliff.

Back to Stu ... as he describes how the journey from ego to spirit involves resolving some universal paradoxes ...
We have to embrace infinity inside a mortal body.

We have to believe in a God/Source we cannot see.

We have to learn to love in a dimension where there is so much hatred.

We have to see abundance when people constantly talk of shortages and lack.

We have to discover freedom when control is the state religion.

We have to develop self-worth while people criticize and belittle us.

We have to see beauty where there is ugliness.

We have to embrace kindness and positive attitudes when surrounded by uncertainty.

We have to feel safe in spite of our concerns.

The crux of the matter boils down to trust. You have to have the courage to embrace an idea, accept it, and believe it -- before you have any real proof that the energy is there for you, or that the idea will work. You have to let go of that bad intellectual habit that says your ego-personality always knows best.

Trust ... in the midst of fear. Trust ... in the midst of uncertainty. Trust ... in the midst of pain. Trust ... in the midst of confusion. Trust ... in the midst of a mind that screams for self-protection, "security and safety" of the familiar.

How many gifts do we not open ... how many opportunities for joy do we reject ... how many adventures do we forsake ... all in the name of clinging to what our egoic mind (& our early conditioning) tell us will be "safer"...?

Once you see the tick-tock world for what it is, the power of the Infinite Self joins you. It teaches you, hour-by-hour, day-by-day, constantly showing you the subtle nature of things in a truly magnificent way. It brings you the people you need to be associated with. It shows you how to modify your belief patterns and which of those beliefs you need to sling off the cart forever. It assists your well-being and shows you ways to make a living that are less onerous and restrictive. The depth of its perception carries you from one stepping stone to the next.

It's a shame if you don't listen. While the ego dominates and holds on, the spirituality within you backs off and waits until you are done with the mundane logic of life. so, agreeing to listen is important; acting on what you hear is even more important.

If you don't listen, the world you create ... starts to dwindle in energy. You use up the power available to you. The energy of the place you live, your circumstances, your work, and the relationships you sustain all begin to drop to a lower level because no new energy flows in to sustain them. Gradually you become less and less secure, entering into a stagnant dead-zone which is, in effect, the external manifestation of a tired and lifeless mind. Every day there is less energy than before, less excitement, more boredom and irritation. Often this diminishing effect will be suffocating; you'll feel trapped. Life becomes a flat line.

Has anyone, besides me, experienced this pit ...? That absolutely dark and despairing place?

Agree with yourself, in a quiet moment of prayer or contemplation, that you do have the courage to be different. You will change, and you will fight the ego's lack of energy by embracing a few new ideas. You may get some flak from people around you because you want to change, but so what? In a stagnant situation, anything is better than staying where you are.

Next, have the courage to accept and weather the pain and aggravation that the ego will undoubtedly put you through as you try to disempower its government of your life. It isn't going to like what's going on. It will protest with logic and emotion and fine-sounding arguments, hoping to turn you around.

I'd add ... the courage to be vulnerable. As you change and grow, the ego will feel assailed and threatened. If you have little or no resistance, you'll be fine. If you resist and fight, it will hurt a lot. So, be courageous. Allow yourself to become vulnerable. Put aside the macho, dogmatic, insistent psychology that most people suffer from. Enter, instead into the intense spiritual beauty of moving and flowing without necessarily knowing which way to go or how you'll get there.

Believe. Believe. Believe.

There's no map from here to there ... there's only letting the boat go downstream ... accepting what comes ... honoring what comes ... appreciating all that we experience ... eagerly anticipating whatever is next ... being grateful for what is at hand.

Accept. Allow. Appreciate. Anticipate.

Shalom & Namaste ~

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