Ponder-Fodder: Might As Well ...!

Melikes:

"The Natural Freedom of the Mind"

Since the One Mind -- pure from the beginningless beginning
and with no need to grasp things other than itself --
has nothing to do with an intermediary or with a fixed plan,
the individual mind might as well be happy.

Since awareness has no objective relationship of any kind,
no specific direction or focus,
the individual might as well love everyone.

Since vision and commitment to vision
have nothing to do with complacency or fear,
the individual might as well be joyous.

Since action and goals have nothing to do with success or failure,
hope and anxiety,
and it doesn't matter whether they are won or lost,
the individual might as well feel content.

Since everything is an illusion --
with some more perfect than others --
with no relationship to good or bad, being or not-being,
one might as well laugh from beginning to end.


— Longchenpa, 1308-1363, Tibetan scholar, maste of the Nyingma tradition

My Half-Way Through Life Birthday Wish for ME..!

I found myself writing this on Facebook last night:

It's official: I have NO clue what I "believe" anymore.
And I notice two things about that ...
I do not care.
I actually feel better - nearly giddy with relief - about not caring ...!

And, thus far, it's still true for today. ;)

It's been a long and winding road, out of religion ... through the morass of spirituality ... and into ... Life.

I mean, I don't know what else to call this ... I'm alive, I'm here, I'm having this experience ... so yeah, it's Life. It doesn't seem to care what I call it ... it just seems determined to be experienced.

I'm done. Done with externally-impositioned-or-invented mindsets (& just think about THAT word for a minute!) that tell me how/what/when/why to act, think, feel, believe, or BE...!

It strikes me as uberly-absurd to think that something outside of me could even possibly define me, or make me feel "ok", or dictate my life in any sort of way...!

This has been building up in me for a while now, but I'm coming out - I am just feeling so TIRED of the "search" ... wanting OUT. It's as if we searchers "take on" a spiritual perspective, and then we adhere to it, and try to live up to it, and it's just another externaly-imposed religion! ARGH!

Yeah, wanna just LIVE ... enJOY life fully .. and my "morality" is part of me ... it's about love, loving self, loving others ... it's who I AM ... don't need anyone/anything outside of me telling me how to do it ...

I'm tired of trying, and trying harder, and pretending to "get/have" something that I just want to "get/have", or think I'm supposed to "get/have" (as IF something is MISSING!) ... I feel like the kid who said, "The emperor has no clothes on!"

C'mon ... it's time to admit the dude is naked.

When I was a Christian, I was surrounded by folks who said they "had a personal relationship" with Jesus ... and that they "felt the Holy Spirit" ... and these folks would fall down like cord wood when someone put annoying oil - I mean, anointing oil - on their foreheads. How often was I the last-woman-standing ... feeling torn between a perverse sense of pride for not falling, and a horrible sense of deprivation that I hadn't fallen ...?

When I was searching for enlightenment, it was the same ... I have been surrounded by folks who claim to have a relationship with their Higher Self ... that they feel this person inside ... guiding them, leading them. These folks would chant, and hum, and rub crystals... how often was I the last-woman-sitting-cross-legged ... feeling torn between pretending I was being transported, and a horrible sense of deprivation that I hadn't been enlightened ..?

Now, I'm not saying that I didn't "get something" out of much of that ... not saying it wasn't valuable, not saying it wasn't valid/required ... I'm saying ... I'm tired.

I'm saying I'm tired of feeling like I'm "out" and they're "in" ... that they've "got something" and I'm "lacking something" ... I'm tired of chasing after something I'm not even sure is real ...

I *exhausted* myself, trying to FEEL Jesus, trying to FEEL my Higher Self ... crying out ... begging ... reading endless books ... praying/meditating my heart out ... trying to surrender enough, let go enough, denounce enough, release enough, confess enough, positive-affirm enough, think enough, unthink enough, be good enough, lose self enough, find self enough ... ENOUGH...!

I'm saying I don't know what I know, what I think, or what I believe.

I do have my experience ... I have had a wide array of uncanny, attention-getting, sit-up-and-take-notice, surreal, beyond-coincidental experiences ... things I can't explain, can't label, can't describe ... some I can't share.

But I am SO tired, of trying to "get it right" ... trying to adhere to some particular religion, or perspective, or formula, or book, or teaching, or group, or mindset, or expectation ...

I'm so tired of the message that there is a part of me to accept (Higher Self) and a part of me to reject (ego) ...

... there's just me.

I am all that.

I am a walking contradiction, a complex and confused full-throttle human ... I am up and down ... high and low ... quiet and loud ... hot and cold ... happy and sad ... accepting and resisting ... bitter and sweet ... mean and kind ... jubilant and despairing ... shadow and light.

I am all that.

Here's what I know ... from observation and experience:

I am alive. I am here, now. I am real.

I am apparently meant to live this life ...

I am to enJOY this life ... how could I MISS that obviousness?!?

Look around, look in, look up, look down - I see beauty all around me ... full-living-colored, myriadly-textured, awe-inspiring, senses-ravaging BEAUTY all around me!

I am covered, head-to-toe, with exquisitely~operational nerve endings that beg for stimulation ~ from warmth, to a tickle, to a caress, to a crescendo of passion ..!

I have taste buds, and olfactory nerves, and ear drums, and eyes that SEE ... all absorbing endless input!

I have a body that moves ... that can climb mountains, dance to rhythms that compel me, paint the images in my mind, and embrace those I love.

I have emotions that feel the FULL panoply of expression ... and they arise without being bidden.

I am here to LIVE, to enJOY, to participate in this sensory-playground of experience ... not to imitate the experience of any other - not to "get something right".

If this experience takes me deep into uncharted territory, whether the frontier's horizon be ahead of me, or within me - so be it.

If it takes me into the opportunity to splash and play in utter simplicity of the golden moment at hand, so be it.

So, I'm changing the spelling of believe ... for me, it's now spelled "Be/Live".

So be it.

Ummmm ... Remember me...?

HOW many blogs, I wonder ... begin, every so often, with the phrase, "it's been a long time since I blogged" ...?

Well, here's another one of those.

I cannnot begin to fill in the uber-changing details of my life here ... but, suffice it to say that I have experienced great bliss, and intense pain, and more change than I thought I could endure, in a rather short expanse of time.

I am here.
I am breathing.
I am living.
I am learning.
I am experiencing.
I am surviving.
And I take it on faith that I am thriving ... even when it would appear/feel/seem otherwise.

And ... I have missed blogging. So, for today, I am blogging.

We'll see what happens tomorrow.

A friend showed up on Facebook, and shared one of her poems with me ... it was one of those "wow" moments, for it fit with something I saw, in my mind's eye, years ago ... read on:

Oh Divine Weaver,
I would not
have expected
You to use
the threads
of pain and
suffering in order
to weave a tapestry fit
to be your
covering.

You work so
silently in
the stillness.
I can never
quite catch
you at the
loom.

But I look
at this Heart
and
I Know,
I Know,
this is the
work of
your skillful
hands.

Who could
weave so
skillfully,
so compassionately,
so tenderly
as to not
tangle those
rare, and delicate
threads?

I only have eyes
to see the
underlayer -
quite messy it appears,
but I trust
that a work
of magnificent
beauty
is in the
making.

~Joan Burtner

Years ago, while in the very beginnings of this undoingness ... I remember having a "vision/image" of being on the underside of a huge tapestry ... it was being woven, above me, and I was watching. I knew it was about my life ... the problem, from my perspective, is that from "down here" it looked like a MESS! Tangles, and snarls, and knots galore ... and I could NOT, not even while squinting, make out the pattern ... it made NO sense to me. But then I knew, intuitively, that from the other side, from the "higher" vantage point, it was a work of art ... a very intentional, beautiful, even breath-taking tapestry, that was my life. Today, after not connecting with Joan for some months ... she showed up, and shared this poem ... and I am reminded ... and I am grateful. At least for this moment, I can rest in that gratitude.

Thank you.

Exquisite Agony ...

Isn't it uncanny, how pain and love are so inter-related ...?

It's as if when the pain reaches its crescendo in me ... when I no longer resist it, but allow it to have full expression ... when I do not judge it, but accept it ... I am flooded with love and even gratitude for the experience.

I am SO grateful to no longer be a numbed-out woman, "safely" egg-shelling my way through life, but that I am living full-throttle, and risking ALL ...

I will never-ever regret having loved with all I am ... for giving all I had to give ... for baring everything I have ... and the unbridled JOY of having done so ...!

Even now, even while in pain ... I would do it all over again.

I am finding that joy is not "happiness" (which comes and goes) ... but that joy is the fullness of ALL emotions ...

Joy is the state of being fully human, fully ALIVE...!

Through my tears (of which I am not ashamed!), I say YES to life!


Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

What-Iffing (One of My Favorite Sports ...)

What if *everything* that happens "to" me really DOES work together for my good?

What if there really IS a good/prosperous plan for my life, to give me JOY?!?

What if I really CAN be thankful in ALL circumstances?

What if everything that I experience/feel IS both required and valid?

What if everyone really IS doing the best they can, based on what they believe (& how they were imprinted/conditioned)..?

What if ALL of us are ONLY trying to find unconditional love (in a painfully conditional realm)?

What if ALL actions (even attacks) are really cries for unconditional love?!?

What if I could forgive myself, and all others, for all the misguided things we think/say/do in our desperate longing for unconditional love...?

What if I am being led, all the time, not by a "god out there, somewhere, who wants me to get it right," but by the very Presence that IS me (& everything/one), and is using even (& especially!) my pain/grief/shame/anger/confusion to enable my inherent-wholeness to be my experienced-reality ...?

What if the "secret" to experiencing unconditional love is to first give it to MYSELF, by unconditionally feeling whatEVER emotion comes up, without judgment, without trying to "fix" it...?

What if unconditional love is not something to "go get" ... but something to give and receive ...?

What if I can trust, not in my mental-story, but in that which is navigating me through whatever I experience? What if all is well, and I am ok...?

What if everything has a good purpose, no matter what I *think* about it?

What if my suffering is not due to what is *happening* to me ... but in how I RESIST what is happening to me...?

What if life is not about "how to feel better" but "how to get better at feeling"...?

What if ...?!?


Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

I will love ...

Though I hurt
I will love
...And I will love
With all my being
All my heart
All my spirit
And all my soul
Though my heart
Is breaking
I will love
With each and every
Shattered piece
Though my soul
Is torn to shreds
I will love
With each
Tattered and torn
Thread
I will love
Until I die
I will love
For eternity
Whether anyone wants
Me to or not
It is what
And who I am
And my mission
On this crazy earth
So like it or not
I will love...

Michele Langlo

You Have Found Your Tribe ~ Welcome HOME

"You have found your tribe. Welcome HOME."

I've come to the place where I am way too weary to continue to apologize for who and how I am ... and what I've done ... and how I've coped ... and where I've been ... and where I am ... and where I'm going ...

I just AM.

And I trust it all ...

Even while grieving ...

TRUSTing.

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Spiritual Divorce ...

Sigh ... yeah, I know ... I was on a roll, and then I stopped blogging.

Can anyone say: "Transitional Upheaval"...?!?

That would best describe my life right now ... and so I've got to share what's helping me right now ... rather than going on with where I was 3 weeks ago. For those who want more about Bill Ferguson, and his teachings, I recommend his website. You can sign up for a free e-course there, as well. Well worth it.

Meanwhile, many other things are speaking to me ... including the following books:

~ The Shadow Effect, by Debbie Ford

~ Journey, by Brandon Bays

~ Spiritual Divorce, also by Debbie Ford

It's the last one I wanted to share from today ... for me ... yes, I need to do this for me.

It opens with this quote, by Socrates:

A life unexamined is not worth living.

Smiling through my tears ... yeah, I believe that. Even while this examination has caused me to question my sanity ...

Whether I didn't sign up for the "quick/easy/simple" life ... or whether I'm just so stinkin' complicated that it takes all this pain to UNdo me, I dunno. But I'm smack-dab in the middle of seemingly-unrelenting pain ... and there's no way to go but through.

I tried going "back" ... it just ain't an option ... crap.

Something must be working though, I mean, I must be learning SOMEthing from past experiences, because despite this pain being rather hugely, I am unable to shake the awareness of JOY down deep ... and the urging to "trust, just trust".

So far, while I can certainly get eclipsed by the pain, and paralyzed by the fear ... I can't kill the joy. It keeps popping up.

And so I say, "Thank you."

And ... "please help...!"

Going on with this book ... I'm going to just quote some passages that jumped out at me this morning, now underlined in my favorite purple ink. And, it's not just marriages that this applies to ... it can speak to any significant relationship, particularly intimate ones:

(these first few quotes come from the forward, by Neale Donald Walsh - yeah, the "Conversations with God" dude)

~ "Separation does not exist in the universe. It is impossible to end a relationship. It is only possible to change it. It is not a question of whether we are going to have the relationship, but of what kind of relationship we are going to have."

~ "Few things are as devastating as the dissolution of a marriage. Yet, the dissolution that we mourn is a figment of our imagination. Once we understand this, we are on the road to recovery."

~ "It is possible to be apart, but it is impossible to not be a part."

~ "This book is about being whole, just when we thought we had been broken apart. It is about experiencing that, just when we think it is falling apart, our life may actually be falling together for the first time."

~ "When we hurt, we cannot see and we cannot sing and we cannot dance life's joyous dance. This book is about healing the biggest hurt that life can inflict: the ending of a dream, the loss of a love."

~ "It is the self, of course, that we imagine we have lost in a divorce (or loss of relationship). Every idea of the self is trampled on. That we are loving and that we are lovable. That we are nice to be with, and someone whom no one would ever want to leave. That we make good choices and are wonderful judges of people. That we can trust our heart. And that our love, given to the fullest, will always win the day."

[That last part made me cry ... ]

~ "We have never lost, and can never lose, what we imagine ourselves to have lost: the wonder of Who We Really Are."

~ "An end never really exists in a relationship -- but an end to the pain of one can."

(the following quotes come from the first chapter, by Debbie Ford)

~ "I felt as if I was caught in the middle of the second act of a bad play. The third act was about to begin, and the outcome could go either way... I was torn between two worlds, and neither one held the promise of happiness ... As I faced my shattered reality, my emotions changed as often as the weather outside. One moment I was calm and hopeful; the next I was depressed and withdrawn ... Why is this happening? Why can't I stop it? And why am I reliving my worst nightmare?"

[I can SO relate to that ...! And, I find hope in the fact that she moved ON from that ... and is now thriving ... and even wrote about it!]

~ "Somehow I knew that if I didn't find and heal the parts of myself that had kept me from having a loving, nurturing relationship, I would be doomed to living a life without a loving partner. It was an opportunity to observe, question and transform beliefs and behaviors that no longer served me."

~ "Life presents us with many opportunitiess to awaken to our divine nature, the highest expression of ourselves. some people call these opportunities spiritual wake-up calls. Most of the time they appear during times of great distress. Divorce is one of these times."

~ Pain is a great motivator that breaks down the walls that keep old behaviors/beliefs intact. Pain guides us toward thoughts and ideas that we otherwise might push away, and it forces us to seek answers from places we've never looked before. Pain opens our minds to ideas that hold the key to new insights, understanding, and freedom. Emotional turmoil can be a powerful catalyst to reconnect us with our divine nature. It propels us into a journey of self-discovery and urges us to learn how to love and accept our entire being. It has been said that you will learn more in ten days of agony than in ten years of contentment."

[Ohhhhhhhh, yeah! Man, WHAT did I sign up for?!? Next time around, I'm getting in the stupid-happy line!]

~ "It might just be that learning to love the totality of ourselves - the 'good' and the 'not-so-good' -- is the most difficult task to which we're ever assigned."

[Y'think?!?]

~ "Often [when we don't face our shadows] we become depressed or angry and have inner dialogues like 'I can't trust anyone,' 'life sucks', or ' I'll never let anyone do that to me again.' All of our negative feelings and painful messages are stuffed within our consciousness. Left unexamined, we turn these toxic emotions and negative beliefs back on ourselves. Neglecting our inner wounds results in failed relationships, addictions, obsessions, depressions, chronic illness, and a negative view of ourselves, others, and the world."

~ "It's imperative that we use the time to heal. Healing is the primary path returning us to a place where we see the perfection of our humanity. It is this awareness that gives us the opportunity to return to the deepest connection available to anyone -- our connection with our Divine Creator."

NO idea what I'll blog tomorrow, as I'm currently juggling 3 (or is it 4?) books. And it may not be helpful to ANYone else ... but I gotta do what I gotta do ... I WILL get through this...!

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Find the Hurt

The first step in the healing process is to discover, as specifically as possible, what the hurt is. Ultimately, this hurt, or core issue, will be some form of feeling "not ok."

It's not the truth that you are this way. It's just an old, suppressed, childhood emotion. It's the avoidance of this emotion that sabotages your life.

To find this hurt, look for the words of "not ok" that are the most uncomfortable. Are you worthless, not good enough, not worth loving, or a failure? The more painful the words, the closer you are to your core hurt.

Then, go back in time ... put yourself IN the hurt that you experienced as a child ... Ask yourself .. "what incredibly painful thing did you believe about yourself, as a result of what happened to you then?"

Every time we are upset, it's because a core issue has been triggered...

We can discover these core issues by making a list of all our fears ... and find the hurt we'd have to feel if the fear came to pass in reality.

We can ask, "what do I need to be happy?" Happiness only comes from within, so if we think we NEED something to be happy, this need comes from avoiding a specific hurt.

Another way to discover the inner hurt is to look at what I'm driven towards. In reality, I'm only driven from something ... and I am drawn to something.

If I feel as if I'm driven to something, I can know that there's a hurt I'm avoiding ...

Next: The Illusion of Judgment

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

Releasing Emotion

There are two sorts of pain that we avoid:

~ Current situational emotions

~ Suppressed hurt from the past


And ... the former can trigger the latter ... so that the pain of our past fuels our current situation ... making the proverbial "mountain out of a molehill".

The basic suppressed hurt, from early childhood, is the feeling of "not being ok". And the key to healing is to get that hurt OUT.

Life will conspire to orchestrate situations and relationships that will intentionally trigger the old pain ... for the purpose of getting it to the surface, into our awareness, in order to be *released*...!

When I resist my pain, when I lash out and blame the situation/person who triggers me, I insure that the pain will remain hidden in me ... continuing to cause me damage, unawares. Then my life will be diminished, and my relationships will be sabotaged.

When I am willing to feel my pain, to dive headlong into it, then I can bring it to the surface, and expose it ... I can look closely at it ... I can look for what I came to believe about myself, as a result of that painful situation ... and I can discover if that belief is totally true about me, or not ...

Next: Healing Core Issues

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Healing Core Issues

The hurt that we avoid is the childhood hurt of feeling worthless, not worth loving, not good enough, or some other form of feeling "not ok".

...Fortunately, this is a hurt that can be healed. You can take away much of its power and you can heal a major part of it very quickly. You can heal it quickly because the hurt isn't based on fact; it's based on thoughts.

It is impossible for you to be either worthless, or worthy. These are only thoughts, and opinions ... they aren't facts. They only exist in the mind. Worthiness and worthlessness don't exist ... and we spend our entire lives trying to escape something that doesn't even exist.

Although judgment does not exist in realty, it's very real in *our* reality. In the realm of thoughts, we are both worthy and worthless, good enough and not good enough, lovable and unlovable. We are everything.

One moment we'll feel one way, and in the next moment, we'll feel another way. These are all aspects of being human. They are in each of us.

Instead of fighting these aspects of you, make peace with them. Own them and embrace them.

Get to the place where you can say, "Yes. I am totally worthless. So what? I am also totally worthy. These are both aspects of me." When this happens, the issue loses power and disappears.

Next: Find the Hurt

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

Letting Go

Ultimately, resisting is the only thing that keeps life from working. When you let go of the resisting, you remove the tunnel vision. You can see what you need to do, and life starts working again.

The moment you let go, everything seems to change. With the fear and upset gone, you become creative and able to discover solutions you cold never have seen before.

Fear is created by resisting a future event. The more you resist the future event, the bigger your fear. The bigger your fear,the more you feel threatened. The more you feel threatened, the more you act destructively, and the more your fear comes true.

If I want to have my fear lose its power, I need to do the opposite of what creates the fear ... instead of resisting ... I need to become willing for the future even to *happen*.

That doesn't mean I WANT the feared future event to happen ... or that I will passively allow it to happen. It's a state of *mind* ... it's an inner willingness to play it out in my mind, to internally witness the feared-outcome ... and to tell myself, "I will be ok anyway -- even if that happens."

In my heart/mind, I become wiling for my fear to come true ... even as I do what I need to in my actions to keep it from happening.

For this to work, I then say, "I am willing to lose my job," or "I am willing to lose that relationship," or "I am willing to lose my reputation," ... or whatever it is that I'm most afraid of losing.

I find peace when I let go of my *demands* that life should be a certain way ... I can surrender to how life unfolds ... I can ride the ride, ride the current downstream, and trust that everything will turn out ok ... in THAT state of acceptance, I can see clearly to take the actions that cooperate with the life I want to live.

It's about trusting that NO MATTER WHAT, I will be ok.

Ultimately, trust is a choice. I create trust, by declaring, to myself, that "I will be ok no matter what happens ... I trust, and will be ok, because I say so."

I notice that things have been tough in the past ... and I notice that I have always been ok. I am here today, typing this out, because I have survived everything so far, despite my fears at the time, that I would not.

Tough times come and go -- it's part of life. But they go more quickly, when I don't resist ... when I go with the flow, and trust.

When I am willing to lose everything, I cannot be threatened. Wow -- powerful!

When I am wiling to let go, what I do have becomes infinitely precious to me ... I appreciate the people and things in my life all the more. I become incredibly grateful for what I DO have ... which makes it more likely that the people I appreciate stay around ...

Also ... I need to become willing to feel my pain ... when I'm no longer trying to avoid my pain, it disappears more quickly ...

Next: Releasing Emotion

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

We Fight the Truth

Wehn you fight the truth of the way your situation is, you destroy your effectiveness and make your situaiton worse. You do this in five very destructive ways:

1. You get upset and lose your ability to see clearly.

2. You destroy love and create opposition.

3. You magnify whatever you are resisting.

4. You put yourself "at the effect" and lose your power.

5. You lose your ability to see the truth.

If I resist the truth of my situation, and thus cannot SEE the truth, it's akin to trying to open a door that I can't even see is locked.

But once I surrender to the truth of my situation, I can SEE it clearly. I may not *like* what I see, but at least I can see it ... and I can then see what to do about it.

Next: Letting Go

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

Accepting 100% Responsibility

Once you discover your role in a particular problem, you can turn your situation around.

When you can't see your role in the problem, or when you blame someone else or some circumstance for your situation, you put yourself "at the effect." You lose your power and you stay stuck.

I grew up hearing that relationships were 50/50 propositions ... that each one was 50% responsible for the relationship.

I don't believe that anymore ... for that creates a victim status ... if I need you to do your 50% share, and you don't ... then I'm suck with a mediocre relationship. I see that relationships are 100/100 .. EACH person is 100% responsible for either the presence of love, or the absence of love.

Whenever I blame YOU, I give you all my power. If I believe that you have 100% responsibility, I'm putting myself at 0% responsibility, and therefore I have no power.

In order to get my power back, I need to stop blaming, and find MY role in the problem at hand.

Here's how Bill Ferguson puts it:

If you are in a cycle of conflict, notice that you have been fighting the truth of the way that person is. Notice that you did not make sure that the other person felt loved, accepted and appreciated. Notice that you have been judgmental, critical and perhaps controlling, or hanging on.

Notice that the other person got hurt, put up his or her walls of protection, and gave it right back to you. Then you got more upset and became more critical of the other person. Then the other person got more upset at you.

And so goes the cycle of conflict...

When we blame another ... we take the focus off of ourselves ...

Why? because I don't WANT to see that I am the problem ... I don't WANT to see that I believe that I'm worthless, not worth loving, a failure, or whatever core issue that I'm hiding from myself and others.

Now ... it's not true that I'm that way ... such core issues are false. It's just a suppressed hurt that FEELS true ... it's a hurt that I will do ANYthing to avoid facing and feeling ... even if I have to lash out at you, and blame you. I will even sabotage a precious relationship, if it means I get to protect myself from feeling pain ...

Life only works, and relationships only work, when I take responsibility for myself, and for the results. If I have an area of my life that's not working -- then *I* have to do something with it.

I am either resisting the truth about my situation, or else I'm resisting how my situation *may* become ... and when I resist, when I am unwilling, I create a state of fear, upset, and tunnel vision that takes away my power, makes the problem bigger, and keeps me from seeing and implementing solutions ...

ANY are of your life that isn't working is an area where you are resisting. Let go of the resisting, and this area of life will start clearing up.

Next: We Fight the Truth

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

How We Create and Destroy Love

Here's a shocker: Love is never enough to make a relationship work.

Yeah, I know, the Beatles sang, "All You Need is Love" ... and honestly, I BELIEVE that ... however, for a relationship to work, both people need to FEEL loved. It's the *experience* of love that makes a relationship work.

When I experience love, I feel happy ... I feel alive. I feel vibrant, joyous, appreciated, accepted, grounded, centered ... and yet able to fly.

And THIS is the happiness we seek ... this experience of love.

How is it created? By giving acceptance and appreciation -- each one to the other.

Interestingly, when I feel accepted and appreciated, I am inspired to, in fact you just can't stop me from, showering that one with acceptance and appreciation in return.

And this becomes a beautifully reciprocal, and perpetually-continuing, relationship. We can create a glorious cycle of loving, supporting and empowering each other. This brings out our best attributes, and the happiness overflows into every aspect of our lives. It's as if we're wearing "love-colored glasses."

Just about every romantic relationship STARTS this way ... but few STAY that way. Why? Because it's an inevitability that, sooner or later, someone's past-hurt gets triggered ... if not both of them.

And when this occurs, we feel threatened. Almost immediately, the walls of protection go up, withdrawal sets in, and attacks are launched ...

If it isn't resolved with deep responsibility, judgment sets in ... we become critical and unaccepting. And this unacceptance destroys the experience of love. Like the always-shining sun, love remains ... but it can be severely blocked by the cloud of unacceptance.

Then the cycle of love is replaced with the cycle of conflict ... it's as if those love-colored glasses are replaced with doom-colored glasses ...

Notice that we're dealing with the SAME two people ... only the perspective is altered. One is love, and the other is fear.

By resisting the way someone is, you destroy the experience of love. You then create opposition and resistance against yourself. To end the cycle of conflict, or to make sure it never starts, stop the resisting.

The cycle of conflict is like a tennis volley. It takes two people to keep the volley going, but only one to end it. As soon as someone refuses to return the serve, the volley is over.

To end the cycle of conflict, stop fueling the fire. Accept the person the way he or she is. This is the key to having any relationship work.

Fortunately, acceptance is nothing more than surrendering to the truth, The people in your life are exactly the way that they are whether you like it or not.

When you are at peace with the truth of the way someone is, you have peace of mind and can see your situation clearly.

Whether you resist the way someone is or you resist a specific are of your life, the result is always the same. You magnify the problem and make your life more difficult.

Next: Accepting 100% Responsibiility

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

The Hurt That Sabotages Our Lives

We come into this world totally innocent ... pure Love embodied in human flesh ... and we were happy, alive, free. But the world we enter is not conducive to nurturing this primal and foundational state ... in fact, this world is populated with humans who have lost their awareness of their true innocent/free identity ... and the prevailing culture is one that seeks to suppress our true nature.

As a result ... we get hurt. Badly. And often.

Even with "ideal" parenting, none of us gets the unconditional love, and full acceptance, that each of us needs to thrive ...

When we were small children, particularly in the first 6-7 years, before we developed critical thinking skills, we accepted whatever happened to us, whatever we were told, as "truth". And when painful things happened, we blamed ourselves. Smack-dab in the midst of a painful moment, we "owned" the responsibility for that pain ... we internalized the belief that "if this bad thing happened to me, it must mean that I am no good ... worthless ... unloved ... unlovable ... not-okay."

Of course it wasn't true ... but it sure FELT true. And, even if we manage to suppress and "forget" those painful memories, we will still operate out of the "truth" that we are worthless, unloved, not-okay.

This becomes our core belief, carried in our foundational make-up ... in our "hearts" ... and they will prevent us from receiving/believing the affirmations we hear in our minds ... our core beliefs will negate and dismiss anything that doesn't align with the "truth" that we falsely believe.

Once we have these core issues, rooted in pain, we will do ANYthing to AVOID this pain. In fact, we will work overtime to compensate for this pain ... if I believe that I am stupid, I may overachieve for the rest of my life, trying to prove, to myself and others, that I'm not stupid ... that I'm smart. But I will never believe it, and nothing I do will be enough ... I'll just remain on the treadmill of endless over achievement, exhausting myself in an effort to be "smart enough".

What are the areas of your life that don't work? Where do you suffer?

Any relationship and any area of your life that doesn't work is an area where a specific suppressed hurt from the past, or core issue, is being triggered.

In an automatic, unconscious attempt to avoid this hurt, you create a state of fear, upset and tunnel vision. You lose your ability to see clearly and you act in a way that literally creates more hurt.

Next: How We Create and Destroy Love

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

The Nature of Upsets...

At any moment, your life is exactly the way that it is. The people in your life are the way that they are, you are the way that you are, and the circumstances of your life are the way that they are.

Everything may change tomorrow, but at any moment, your life is exactly the way that it is. Look in your life and see how true this is. Notice how totally irrelevant your feelings are about this.

When you are at peace with the truth of the way your situation is, you have peace of mind. You see your situation clearly and can see what needs to be done. Solutions appear and you become very effective.

When you fight and resist the truth of the way things are, you make everything worse. You create a state of fear, upset and tunnel vision. You lose your ability to see clearly and you interact in a way that magnifies the problem.

Upsets may seem to be caused by what happens, but they're not. Upsets are caused by fighting and resisting what happens.

It's all internal. But only everything. We THINK we are victims of our life, but that's an illusion. And knowing that WE are the source of our struggles is one of the critical keys to getting our power back.

The outside events are really just catalysts that trigger us, cluing us in to things we've suppressed ... ancient pains and false beliefs that are operating unawares, running our lives from the inside out. The outside "trigger" is really a blessing in disguise ... sent to set us free. However, when it happens, if we are believing that we're being attacked from the outside, we perceive the "triggerer" as a threat to our survival ... for we do NOT want to face the suppressed belief we're hiding inside. And so we will resist that triggerer, and blame them for attacking us ... we withdraw into a protective tunnel vision, out of which we will lash out, and thereby ensure that we will remain in that self-created pain.

This tunnel vision sabotages our lives in the following ways:

~ It keeps us from being aware of the many solutions. We can only see within that tunnel, which is filled with negativity.

~ It leads us to fight and resist the perceived threat ... which enlarges the problem.

ANY area of our life that isn't working is an area where this tunnel vision is in operation.

If we can surrender to the truth of what IS in our life, fear, upset and tunnel vision would evaporate. We could then see the entire situation clearly, and would know what to do. We would restore our effectiveness, and this particular area of life would become "workable."

The basic problem, the root of all of this, is unresolved hurts in our lives ... usually in early childhood. We protect ourselves, and others, from seeing this hurt, and from hurting us further ... and we will go all out in this self-protection ... to include sabotaging relationships. Every area of our life that doesn't work, can be traced to an unresolved hurt.

Finding and healing this hurt is one of the most important things you can ever do.

Next: The Hurt that Sabotages Our Lives

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

The Happiness that We Seek

Chapter 2 of "Get Your Power Back"

This chapter opens with these words:

Ultimately, the happiness that we seek is something called "the experience of love." When you are in this state, you automatically interact in a way that has life work.

To see this in your life, look at what happens when you feel loved and appreciated. You are happy, alive and free. You feel good about yourself and good about your life. Yo are confident and creative. You see life clearly and are very effective.

When we feel that way, isn't life wonderful? Can you remember when you last felt that way? When you felt loved, supported, accepted, and appreciated? Let yourself feel that for a moment ... just sit in it. Notice how the world around you seems to shine, how it seems "all is well" ... notice how your thoughts, words and actions feel infused with joy. Are you smiling? :)

Tune in and notice where the feeling is coming from ... is it "outside" of you, or "inside"...? Yeah, the experience of love is an inner state.

Ok, so what's the opposite of that experience? Fear and upset? Think of a time when you felt fear and upset. Painful, isn't it? Do you feel a tightness, a protectiveness, and do you sense yourself withdrawing from life ... shutting down? Can you feel how the world around you narrows, and how your perspective turns into "tunnel vision"? Notice how this experience tends to color the entire world, so that your thinking, speaking, and your actions become negative.

Notice how this state, this fear and upset, are also located within you.

We think that it's outer circumstances that dictate our emotional state, but it's really our inner perspective that does so.

What's interesting is that which ever energy we're radiating, whether love, or fear (i.e., positive or negative), life gives us that same energy right back. We actually create "more of the same" that we're focused on. When we're radiating the negativity from within, opposition and resistance comes at us ... negative things happen all around us.

These are states of *mind*.

And our state of mind is not determined by what happens to us ... it's determined by how we *relate* to whatever happens.

As long as we believe that happiness and upsets come from outside of us, we will go through life trying to force our circumstances to be a certain way... the more we try to force people and life to be a certain way, the more we create the exact opposite of what we want... instead of creating the happiness that we seek, we create more fear and upset. We destroy the experience of love. WE sabotage our lives and keep our dreams from coming true.

To understand this better, let's look at the "law of resistance."

One of the most powerful ways that we sabotage our lives is by resisting. When we resist, we magnify and give power to whatever we are resisting.

Or, as is stated in "Conversations with God (Book One)", "what we resist, persists."

Here's an example:

Let's look at fears. A fear is created by resisting a future event [or being unwilling to face/allow a future event]. If I have a fear of losing someone, I am resisting the future event called losing a person. The more I resist losing the person, the bigger my fear. The bigger my fear, the more I feel threatened, and the more I hang on. The more I hang on, the more I push the person away, which brings me my fear.

Notice that whatever you fear and resist keeps showing up in your life. By resisting, you create the very circumstances that you are avoiding.

Ohhhhhhh yeah..!

It may sound overly simplistic, but if I look at any area of my life that doesn't "work" -- I will find an area of my life where I am resisting (or being unwilling). If I look at any area of my life that *does* work, that's where I find myself flowing with whatever happens.

I love what Abraham-Hicks says about this ... they use an analogy of a flowing stream. Most of us have been taught to paddle furiously upstream, thinking that there is some reward "up there" for all of our frenzied efforts -- that we must achieve, and earn. But, in reality, the current is so strong that we "stay in place" and only exhaust ourselves. Sometimes the current is strong enough to actually take us downstream, but we are "facing backwards", paddling in a direction that "gets us nowhere", and we don't even enjoy the journey itself.

Instead, we are invited to let GO of the oars, allow the boat to turn around, and to just ride it downstream, encountering and enjoying each life-event/aspect that we experience ... trusting that we are being carried in the most benevolent way possible, and enJOYing the journey more than fixating on the "destination" ...

For the River of Life is eternal ... and NOW is all we have ...

Just for today, I am letting go of the oars of resistance, of unwillingness, and I am choosing to trust the river ... to trust the Source of Life ... and to allow myself to enjoy the journey, here and now ...

Next: The Nature of Upsets (i.e. facing reality)...

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

We Create Our Lives

Chapter 1 of "Get Your Power Back" ...

Now, certainly we've all heard this adage before ... that we are co-creators of our lives ... living in that divine dichotomy-dance between causing/reaping what we live.

We have a perspective about life in general ... and we react to live in a manner that's consistent with that perspective ... and what we expect, we get. Life reflects back our own perceptions.

We all have areas in our lives that work ... and areas in which we struggle, and even suffer. The struggle may come and go ... but doesn't it seem that the same issues keep coming up, over and over? Consider the possibility that this happens because we create the struggles (& that would be the GOOD news, not a reason to self-condemn ... if we create a thing, we can re-create a thing!).

So, regarding the struggles, the temptation is to think that the problem is with the circumstances -- but this is an illusion. AS long as we project the issue "out there" we never look at what's going on within us, and never take responsibility, and never resolve it. It's a subtle way of ensuring that we remain "stuck"...

I like what Bill Ferguson says here: "When you change how you relate to life, you change what gets reflected back."

Let's look at the "law of cause and effect"...

"At any moment, you are totally 100% at the effect of the world around you. No matter what happens around you, you will react accordingly. At the same time, the world around you is totally 100% at the effect of you. Whatever you do, or don't do, the world around you will react to you. This makes you the cause. You are totally at the effect of everything around you. You are also the cause."

Pausing to let that sink in ...

Now, consider this:

"Although you are both, you only experience yourself as being one or the other. HOW you experience yourself at any moment determines both the quality of your life and what happens in it.

When you experience yourself as being 'at the effect' you are the victim of your circumstances and you have no power. Your confidence quickly drops. You close down, become negative, and lose your ability to take effective action. Every time you are upset, and every time you are faced with an area of your life that isn't working, you are 'at the effect.'

Now find a time when you were 'at the effect' of something and for some reason, you decided that you had had enough. You reached your limit and decided to take action. You then took steps to turn your situation around.

Notice how you felt when this happened. Instantly, you got your power back. You felt good about yourself and about life. You became confident, creative and full of energy."

Tomorrow ... "The Happiness that We Seek" ...

Shalom & Namaste ~
Dena

"Get Your Power Back"

As is my penchant ... I'm wanting to blog on a book I'm currently devouring: "Get Your Power Back: Find and Remove the Underlying Conditions That Destroy Love and Sabotage Your Life" by Bill Ferguson ... founder of "Mastery of Life". He's been featured on Oprah, and recommended by The Wall Street Journal.

His simple, practical, and powerful tools for life-transformation are impacting my life ... and in order to dig it in deeper-yet, I'm going to blog through this book ... for me, but perchance for someone else as well. Yeah, true selfishness always pays off (go read my previous Osho blogs for insight into that one!).

Let's start with an excerpt from his introduction:

If you have a relationship or any other area of life that isn't working, there will always be an underlying condition of resisting or hanging on that is creating the problem.

This condition creates a state of fear, upset and tunnel vision. It takes away your power and destroys your ability to see clearly. It keeps you from finding solutions and forces you to act in a way that makes your situation worse.

In relationships, this condition destroys the experience of love and creates conflict. Individuals get hurt and put up their walls of protection. They fight, resist, hang on and withdraw. Instead of creating a relationship that is loving and supportive, they create one that is full of suffering.

Until this underlying condition is found and removed, you will be forced to act in the same way, which will produce the same result. Fortunately, the process of finding and removing this underlying condition is relatively easy. You just need to know how. Learn more about this condition.

It is possible to have love in every relationship and in every area of life. You do this by growing in your awareness and healing inside. The next step is to learn some powerful tools and take specific action.

The first part of this book shows how we create our lives, particularly the areas of life that don't work. Once you discover why your life is the way that it is, you become more able to determine how your life will be.

The second part of the book is about finding and actually removing the specific underlying conditions that sabotage your life. AS you do this, the problem areas of your life begin to clear up.

Instead of creating a life of fear and upset, you create a life of love and opportunity. You restore the happiness and freedom you once had. You become far more effective and much more able to have your dreams come true.

I've heard it said in SO many venues, "what we resist, persists." And it's just so very true. It's counter-intuitive, counter-reactionary. When we dislike an aspect of our life, a condition we're facing, our knee-jerk reaction is to pull away, back off, *resist* ... but in doing so, we actually create more of the same that we're resisting ...

Which ... brings on the fear that causes "tunnel vision" ... and in that state, fear is all we can see. We feel paralyzed, confused, unable to think clearly, unable to see the myriad of choices we actually have.

The real problem is that we have core issues ... false beliefs that FEEL "true" to us ... unquestioned assumptions and beliefs that we swallowed whole during our "pre-critical" early childhood state ... usually prior to the age of 6 or 7. IOW: "conditioning." The very inner-explanations that enabled a small child to navigate life, are the self-limiting restrictions that cause us to sabotage our own life and relationships, as an adult.

This is like a whole 'nother way of learning to relate -- to ourselves, and to others.

Come with me on this journey ... into the final frontier of our very Core. We have nothing to lose but limitations ... and EVERYthing to gain..!

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

New Blog: Divine Mother Messages

I have the honor of knowing the author of this blog, and the conduit of the daily messages ... Mary Hammond.

It would not be a stretch to say that she was instrumental in saving my life ... and enabling me in the discovery of my Soul's Purpose.

I encourage you to read, and subscribe to, this blog: http://divinemothermessages.blogspot.com/

The messages are timely, critical, and inspiring ... enJOY!!

Shalom & Namaste~
Dena

Meanwhile ...

Y'know it's time to blog again, when you get 3 "why-aren't-you-blogging-anymore"'s in one week ..!

I can take a hint!

But first, an update ...

Since I tend to live my life outloud, I'll just continue ... it's official. As of January 7th, 2011, my 24 year marriage is over. Our soul-contract has expired, and we are both moving forward in our lives. I continue to experience an avalanche of emotions ... including mourning over the loss of a chapter of our lives ... sadness for the pain we have both endured ... sobriety over the disillusionment of one who once thought I'd *never* be divorced ... gratitude that the father of my children (Mark) and I can finally become friends, and can work together in ways we never could manage before. We are two good-hearted and well-intentioned humans who simply were not compatible ... and we both did the VERY best we could, based on where we were, every step of the way.

The marriage did not fail, so much as it did everything it was meant to accomplish ... and I am trusting, with everything in me, that my children will not only survive, but thrive. That they will know they are loved ... that they will learn that they can choose what is best for their own lives...

I have no regrets for what we've experienced in the past quarter-century, even as I regret choices we've both made out of pain and fear ... I celebrate the arrival of 8 magnificent human beings (our children) ... I am grateful that he kept me alive for the years when I was self-destructive ... and I rejoice for the incredible healings that we inspired in one another. I fully embrace the next chapter of my life ... I welcome whatEVER is to come, both short-term, and long-term ... I trust that Love continues to win ... I let go of the oars, and I ride downstream ... I embrace what IS, and what is to come...!

The adventure continues ... as I learn, for the first time in my entire life, to take care of myself, and to navigate this journey, autonomously.

Stay tuned...!

Shalom & Namaste,
Dena